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I moved in with DH to help his dad. It seems to me that he is more than able to get his own drinks, meals, whatnot. However, he does it selectively. Example: Going to the fridge (gasp) getting ice cream or a beer but never a chilled bottled water or prepared salad or meal. He expects those to be served to him. I am 37 weeks pregnant, in early labor and have a 15 month old running around. I do NOT have the time or desire anymore, at this point, to make him the typical entree and sides. I am sure he knows this, but he just sits ALL DAY LONG and expects it to be served to him every single day. I am dying.

Today, my DH made him some caesar salad wraps with tortillas. Rather than thank him, when we came in and DH asked how they were, his dad said that they were crappy and fell apart as he tried to eat them. Please understand, we do everything for this capable person. I expressed to my DH that his father was being incredibly disrespectful, as I saw my DH working for 20 minutes or more to make these nice for his dad.

DH went off on ME! He just went berzerk on ME!!! And then he went to his dad and his dad said that he absolutely didn't complain and it was all in MY HEAD, my DH seemed almost gleeful and called me several horrible names and rubbed his dad's forehead. I am thinking, this is the same person I took to chemo all last year and bring him his coffee, juice and paper every morning while he just sits all day?

I feel so, SO betrayed. And I am having a baby! The dad just narrowed his eyes and said that I must have a grudge against him and MY dh just laughed and agreed! I feel that I have entered a twilight zone and am the only one with a normal compass. I am so, so sad. I think I need to leave this situation. I have done so much, yet this has left me reeling. Thoughts?

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worriedaboutdad, you are not married yet, are you? There is no way out of there for now and I hope there is someone who can watch baby #1 when you deliver baby#2. As a DIL, try to avoid getting between them. If one insults the other's cooking, leave the room without comment. I learned a LONG time ago to not get caught in the crossfire between parent and son or brother and sister. You want to be as neutral as Switzerland in WWII. If you pick a side, they BOTH end up mad at you. Just something to think about. Hope you have a healthy bouncing baby soon. The last two weeks of pregnancy are a real emotional roller coaster.
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lol....dear/darling husband
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I am with you Maggie. What is a DH?
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Make an appointment with a marriage counselor and tell your husband the two of you are going. If he refuses, pack your bags, take the baby and get out.
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Just strange. Why, when you said something to support your DH (what's a DH?), did he run into the other room and tell his dad? He's written the book entitled, "How to Fan the Flames,"

If this is an isolated instance, then I'd let it go. This time. You've described one moment in time. If your whole relationship hasn't been like this up 'til now, then it's possible DH is under the same stress you are with this arrangement. (I had all the patience in the WORLD with mom. But Tom? I often took my stress out on him -- I'd apologize later.)

Nevertheless, you chose to move in to "help" with his dad. If this is DH's pattern of behavior? Choose to move out.

Now. Again. What's a DH?
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The "why" is not the important part . It's the how to stop that you need help with.
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So, Dad made a critical remark about the food in front of DH? And you responded? Maybe this is just the way this family is. "Those sandwiches were crap, I couldn't eat them" might be seen as just friendly conversation in some families. I get from your other posts that dad and DH seem to have a b romance that excludes you, but you are NOT going to change their behavior. You need to go into therapy to figure out why you are doing this to yourself and how to stop.
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Here's a different twist on just up and leaving with infant on the way and toddler. Do you have family nearby that you can stay with for a while; or even good friends? Get out of the situation and take care of yourself and those babies.

Let your dh know you will be back when you both have had some serious marriage/family counseling or the FIL goes to assisted living. Someone needs to sit dh down and tell him his first responsibility is to you and his children. Somehow this young man has his priorities all screwed up.

If he has siblings then they need to step up now and provide for their Father while you are busy the next few months getting use to the new baby and getting your marriage back on track. Might be very wise to include fil in this family counseling. Get on this today. Be the strong one, if you want your marriage to succeed! If by chance, your husband is not worth saving, you still need to get counseling asap. I wish you all the best. You two fell in love at some point and hopefully that is enough to build a future on.

Your two children and depending on you.
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Why put up with that? You're being grossly taken advantage of but if you continue to stay it just gives these men your permission to continue behaving this way.

We can't change other people's behavior (FIL, DH). Only our own. Stay and accept that this is the pecking order in this house or create a life of your own where you're not treated poorly.
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Worried, your gut instincts are telling you true. Listen to it. From what I can see, DH's father will come first in DH's eyes. And FIL wants himself to be number 1 in his son's eyes. He criticizes DH, and DH will try harder to please father. It's a cycle.

Think very carefully. You said something, DH got mad at You, then went to his father and 'comforted' his father (rubbing his forehead), and he was almost GLEEFUL to verbally abuse you. Review this over and over.

This behavior is Not going to end. He will continue to verbally abuse you now. What's going to happen when he starts displaying this in front of your 15 month old child and when your baby is born? Do you want your children to learn to treat females like this? Are you able to leave this situation? I think it's better to do it sooner than later. The longer you stay, the more time for him to verbally batter you down until you no longer have any self-esteem or self-confidence. Remember, when the going gets rough, think of the 2 children growing up in that kind of environment.

He's showing his true self. I wish to give you the strength and knowledge and wisdom to handle this situation. {{Hugs}}
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