I am 23 years old and my mom recently had a stroke. however I have felt like I've been a caretaker or my parents all my life. From my father extreme depression and poor health which eventually cost him his life 2 years ago with me watching for 6 months as he suffered. To my mother's anger and gambling addiction problem, I've always felt like I had to pick up the peices for both of them. Now that I am about to graduate I was hoping to be done with my mother forever now that she has a stroke. I feel like she is worst then ever and even more selfish even though I know this isn't completely her fault. I am still angry at her and I feel bad for being angry at her. She wasn't around much but she did make sure my dad, my brother, and I had food in our stomach and house to live in. She wasnt the most caring person in the world but she did try. And both my parents did the best they could. But a part of me still really really really hates them. I feel so guilty for wishing constantly she was dead that way I be done taking care of my parents and focus on my own life for once. But I dont want to see my mom dead either and even though my dad is gone. I really would give anything to see him again. I know they love my brother and I very much but I don't know how to stop thinking these thoughts.
I want to see my mom be healthy and happy. (The doctors gave a good prognosis) but yet I can't stop feeling this way. Does the feeling get better over time? Am i just angry and still going through the grief process? I love my parents very much and I really can't stand seeing my mom this way but I am scared. How can I be there for her if I am so angry?