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I need a break on being a caregiver. Hi all hope that all is well. I have asked this question before on here so here it goes. I am my 95 year old mothers caregiver ( Just me and me me only ) its been a long road watching her change notr being able to do things like she used to. And after her operation she now uses a walker andhas a ostomy bag....That was something I had to learn how to care for this and hoping they do not fall off and have a big mess to clean.up. Well to speed this up I want to plan for respite ( short tern stay at a nursing home usually a week)but my mom will not go she thinks that I will leave her there (which I am not) I know what to do as far as all the paper work goes and where it will be its just make a phone call to them to get this started. I am trying toi wait till spring but some days I just might change my mind. Here is the issue we live in a apt and we have 13 stairs that shehas to go down (and yes she can do it I use a transfer belt to get her down 1 step at time ity looks like we are in a wedding going dow...LOL and she goes out at least once or twice a week.. If she knows what I am up to she will refuse to go and. I tried to tell her what I want to do and she gets selective hearing and will shut me out . I really do want to do this and I am worried what could happen i went through the same thing when we moved to our new place. And I am trying to look for something with a elevator but no luck so far( we have been at this new place about 15 months) and I am month to month now so if I find something well here we go again....I do love mom just want a break and I have other things that I do like my online class for medical coding and I have a child that has a disability but he is in a group home but I still keep up with what he is doing. My plate is very full and its been like this for a long time I do not regret any of the taking care of mom just need to have some me time no cooking cleaning going to get meds ect.....I hope that you understand what I am trying to say and ignore any mistakes I have made.God Bless us all Purplerain.

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purplerain, it sounds like you have most things figured out except how to make her go down the steps if she refuses. That could be a major problem. The only solution I can think of is not to tell her that it is where she is going. You can tell her a bit in advance that you need a break, so she's not totally in the dark. On the day she is going to respite, though, you don't have to mention where you're going until after you get in the car. Maybe you can do something pleasant on the way to the respite facility to let her know it isn't so bad. She is probably going to be upset, but it is better she be upset after you get down the steps than before. You'll probably feel guilty, but I hope it won't interfere with your plans for a break. I hope it goes without a hitch.
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I would be completely bonkers if it wasn't for respite care. I can say nothing but good things about it. I would do infomercials about it if I could!!! My mother has lived with my husband and I for over a year. In October we started the respite care. We started with a 5 night stay, and are up to a week to 10 days. We use it once a month. It gives me a much needed break and keeps her here most of the time. As for your mother not wanting to go, my mom didn't want to go either. She cried and thought we weren't going to pick her up. I sent her cell phone with her and called her daily on the first trip. Now when she goes I usually call her every other day. After that first time, she goes with little complaint. She was there over Valentine's Day and we sent her flowers. I have my daughters sending her cards. I make sure she gets mail while she is there...( I even send cards from her cat...my husband accuses me of catering to her crazy :) I told my mom that it would be better for both of us. I was finding myself starting to snap at her...something I had never done. Taking some time for you will be good for both of you. Remind her that it is something nice that she is doing for you. My mother doesn't like to go out to eat, but maybe you could promise to take her out to dinner on the day she returns.
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I think everyone deserves respite. Do whatever you have to do. I know our elders have no clue how much work and stress we deal with everyday, how difficult being a caregiver is. There's no way they can know. Your mom will be fine staying in a nursing home for a week. I know she doesn't want to go but do you want to be a 24/7 caregiver? Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. And you will be back in a week to pick her up. Go. Get respite. Enjoy it guilt free!
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Hello purplerain,

Here a few resources found from within our site that may help your situation.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Where-to-Find-Respite-Resources-121364.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/How-can-I-get-some-respite-from-taking-care-of-my-mother-at-home-137303.htm

Best Regards,

Ashley T.
The AgingCare.com Team
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Ask the folks at the group home about respite. Sometimes these facilities have several locations and they network . They might even find an apt for you.
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