You don’t give any reason for wanting to bring your husband home. Is he wearing you out with requests and drama about wanting to come “home”? Additionally, are you completely and totally aware of what caring for someone with dementia entails? Are you physically able to do so and as you age and his disease progresses, will you be able to continue? Will you have help? Why was he in the Care Home?
I would suggest that you read some of the posts on this forum from people who are caring for spouses with Alzheimer’s/ dementia before you make a final decision.
If you do decide to bring him home, speak with the Social Services Worker at your husband’s facility. They can help you with your “care package” for bringing him home.
Thank you for your reply, yes I do understand about dementia, I have looked after him on my own for 10 yrs , but he became diabetic and had a fit and went into hospital, unfortunately at the same time as I had operation on my knee and as I am in my 80 ts they put him in a care home, he doesn’t ask to come home, as after being scalded there he doesn’t speak, but I know my husband after 50 yrs and know he is unhappy I have tried ringing social services but still waiting after 4 weeks for some one to get in touch the social worker who was working on his case before is no longer there .
I think ur post got cut off. Why do you want to bring husband home? You must realize that he will progressively get worse.
You call it a "care home" are you in the UK. We have a few people from the UK that know your medical system much better than we in the US. Your services are slightly different too.
I feel he will have a better quality of life at home , yes we are in UK not many satisfactory homes I London although he can walk with a walker he needs help to get up and is incontinent but I am fairly able and can deal with his meals
You might follow up with the facility he is in to get an update on your request. Is your home set up for that kind of thing?
Your description of your husband sounds like he has advanced dementia. It is progressive and he will eventually become more and more dependent on others for everything. That's really tough for one person. Even for a young person, being the 24/7 hands on caretaker for a person who has advanced dementia is extremely ambitious. I'd consider that if his needs are being met in the facility with multiple teams and shifts of people, he may be better there than in a home setting with only one person. Has anyone at the facility discussed his needs with you?
Would you have around the clock help in the home to lift him, turn him in the bed, change his depends, feed, bathe, get in and out of bed or wheelchair? Can you stay up most of the night with him? (Eventually, the progression will include the things I mentioned.) I'd also consider how things would work if you bring him home, it doesn't work out well and then you have to return him.
What was the reason he went there in the first place? Did he go there so he could get a higher level of care?
I'm so sorry to read that you're unhappy with your husband's care and unhappy not to be looking after him yourself.
I read as well that you have been in touch with social services and have not had a response four weeks later. Obviously that isn't acceptable.
Do you currently have any help or support for yourself (i.e. separately from your husband's care) at home? I ask, because if you did that would put you in touch with the right sort of contacts.
When you had your knee operation, for example, was your discharge handled by a Home From Hospital team or anything like that?
To bring your husband home from a care home, when you are in your eighties yourself and he has dementia, is going to be quite a battle. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I can't imagine any social workers or health care professionals being enthusiastic about the idea. You would have to do a lot of fast talking, and I would have to agree, just on the face of it, that it seems like a huge risk to take for both you and him.
But, I can equally imagine that the scald your husband suffered while in care must have shaken your confidence badly. Can you say a little more about what procedures were followed after that happened? I think it might be worth pursuing.
Do you have In home services there? Or family or friends that you can get help from? If he is not in a wheel chair he will be, also you need to make a list of his current needs, Eventually he will be bed ridden and you will need to roll him and lift him out of bed, dealing with bed sores, ulcers etc.. You could also talk to you insurance company, ask for a list of providers that cover in home aid. Those places may have some sort of care specialist. You also may find answers on the internet. I know you want him home instead of another facility. I know how hard it is to slowly lose the one you love. I have been a care giver for over 18 years
I would suggest that you read some of the
posts on this forum from people who are caring for spouses with Alzheimer’s/ dementia before you make a final decision.
If you do decide to bring him home, speak with the Social Services Worker at your husband’s facility. They can help you with your “care package” for bringing him home.
You call it a "care home" are you in the UK. We have a few people from the UK that know your medical system much better than we in the US. Your services are slightly different too.
Your description of your husband sounds like he has advanced dementia. It is progressive and he will eventually become more and more dependent on others for everything. That's really tough for one person. Even for a young person, being the 24/7 hands on caretaker for a person who has advanced dementia is extremely ambitious. I'd consider that if his needs are being met in the facility with multiple teams and shifts of people, he may be better there than in a home setting with only one person. Has anyone at the facility discussed his needs with you?
Would you have around the clock help in the home to lift him, turn him in the bed, change his depends, feed, bathe, get in and out of bed or wheelchair? Can you stay up most of the night with him? (Eventually, the progression will include the things I mentioned.) I'd also consider how things would work if you bring him home, it doesn't work out well and then you have to return him.
What was the reason he went there in the first place? Did he go there so he could get a higher level of care?
I read as well that you have been in touch with social services and have not had a response four weeks later. Obviously that isn't acceptable.
Do you currently have any help or support for yourself (i.e. separately from your husband's care) at home? I ask, because if you did that would put you in touch with the right sort of contacts.
When you had your knee operation, for example, was your discharge handled by a Home From Hospital team or anything like that?
To bring your husband home from a care home, when you are in your eighties yourself and he has dementia, is going to be quite a battle. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I can't imagine any social workers or health care professionals being enthusiastic about the idea. You would have to do a lot of fast talking, and I would have to agree, just on the face of it, that it seems like a huge risk to take for both you and him.
But, I can equally imagine that the scald your husband suffered while in care must have shaken your confidence badly. Can you say a little more about what procedures were followed after that happened? I think it might be worth pursuing.