Am I wrong for wanting nothing more to do with my mom?

You need to try to find joy at any time in your life. I too was emotionally abused and used by my mother who black mailed me for visitation with my father when I was five. She had an affair with a man who my father hired to dig a pond on our farm, locking me and the foster kids she had live with us (for money) outside all day when my father was at work so she could sleep with this man. We would crawl up on the front porch of our house asking if we could come in for a drink or use the toilet to see them engaged in sex on the kitchen floor. I was five. This isn't close to the worst. I spent years in therapy along with two failed marriages trying to feel joy or some sense of belonging or meaning. The older I get the worse my feelings get. I go back and forth but no matter how much I try to forgive her she turns around and proves to me just why I should keep it to a christmas/birthday card each year. I sleep much better.

Society puts to much emphasis on moral obligation. Taking care of an elderly parent is a loving choice and not to be dictated by social do-gooders. Parent/child relationships are a gift and if abused by either, you lose the love. If you don't want to be responsible for your abusive mother, than don't. Who cares what other people may say, they are ignorant and opinionated, not worth considering.

Ballnchain - we could be sisters (except siblings don't speak in my family!). I made my peace with my mother's lack of maternal feelings and behavior years ago, and got as far from her as I could. Currently I care for my 95 year old aunt, who has always been my 'real' mother, and I do it gladly. My mother died Saturday and the only sadness I feel was for a life spent in anger, hatred, and revenge and love wasted. Take care of yourself and have a better life than your mother would want you to have.

So glad that I logged on to read others going through same thing as myself. We are survivors and need the support. To Eddie, I totally understand you taking the gift and leaving. My mother has been bad for as long as I can remember and the past five years it has gotten intolerable. One mothers day after I had driven 12 hours to visit her and she started the abuse, I didn't give her anything before the return trip home, and went to the nearest animal shelter and gave them a check for $200.00 which made me feel great. I give to animal charities all and doing so in lieu of my mothers mother's day gift made me feel even better.
This Christmas I didn't even call her or send a card and her birthday is also on Christmas. So, after all her years of complaining, she actually does have something to complain about this year. And I didn't feel guilt at all, because I am at the point of not caring anymore after 60 years of her abuse. 60 years!!! As far back as I can remember in my life.

Capemaywatch - that is a great idea, donating to a charity in lieu of throwing money at someone who doesn't care about you. Ever since I brought my aunt to live with me, my mother has been complaining to anyone who would listen about how I'm living "like a queen" off my aunt's money. Which is something my mother would gladly have done, if she could have figured out how to do it without actually having to take care of her own sister. (My dad actually mused to me once that "there ought to be a way that you could just drop somebody off at a nursing home & leave'em -- but keep their money. I mean, if the nursing home takes care of them, they don't need any money, right?") Mom spent 3 years trying to figure out ways to get me to give her money so she could go gamble - after she and dad had gambled away their house in the country, 10 acres, and what little self respect they had. The 2nd to the last conversation I had with mom, she accused me of giving away a valuable skirt she'd had handmade for her 60 years ago.(A skirt I never had heard of before that day!) It cost $300 & she wanted to be reimbursed. The last conversation I had with her, she 'remembered' that the valuable skirt had increased in value and was now worth $1000. I said, "Mom, I'm not giving you $300, $1000, or a nickel for a skirt you just made up." She began screaming at me, and I just hung up. That was the last "conversation" we ever had, she died 2 weeks later. Do I miss her? No. Do I regret what I said to her? No, because I was honest. I wasn't mean, I told it squarely when she attacked me. I hope her a better eternity than the life she had on earth, for that was truly a hell for her and for everyone around her. Have a good new year, and be good to yourself. Peace, margie

Thank you Margie. This is a great start for the day to read of your support. I only told a couple of people about doing the donation instead of a mother's day gift. Only somebody going through a situation like myself would understand.
You have a wonderful new year and once again Thank you so much.