We don't talk much any more, I miss his hugs. We've always been very close. I know he needs things and won't tell me what. He feels he needs to try and do things for himself, but then I worry about him falling or hurting himself
Can you tell us about your husband's assessments and diagnosis by his MD? Has he had PT? Is balance his issue, or weakness, or something other? Is there a diagnosis of dementia or depression? Eventually, for us all, it becomes companionship in the waiting room as we address current issues. What are your issues, and your husband's?
You may just be undergoing the changes that come with aging, the process. I am 81, my partner is 83, and, as we continue to age, I know we often look at one another and wonder: Where is that vital woman laughing in pictures in Paris, cuddling dogs on the stone steps in Italy, weed whipping an acre in the country--WHERE DID SHE GO? That vital man, sailing in races on the Bay, laughing with friends at dinners out, racing the dogs down the sands to the beach, raising his grandbabies up to the ceiling? Where did he go? Now it sometimes comes down to it's Tuesday and garbage-can night. Which of us has a back strong enough to do it, or is it a two person slog? It can become tiring and too scary to remember the good times. But it's important to. And to remember there's something to be said for enjoying together a good documentary on Netflix, a sit down in the sun on the back deck by the apple tree.
Trust me that I feel you. I hope you will tell us more about what you're facing.
He’s not wrong for wanting to do things for himself as we should all value and want to hang on to our independence. The falls will happen no matter what you do, and worrying won’t change a thing. Don’t mean that to sound harsh, I just had to learn myself that falls are the bane of the elderly and will happen even when they are right beside you. Make your home as fall “friendly” as possible by removing tripping hazards and living on one floor, getting ramps installed if needed in place of steps outside. Never attempt to pick him up when the falls happen as this can injure you both. Call for help and let first responders safely lift him and assess for injury. Try to engage in conversation often, and seek outside time with friends for yourself. Your husband is feeling his independence slipping away and it’s normal for him to feel sad and withdraw over it. Consider talking with his doctor about a medication to help. I wish you both peace
I’m so sorry that your husband is struggling to manage. Of course, you are concerned about him.
Do you feel like he is safe at home? Are you concerned about being able to continue to care for him?
I understand that you miss the person that he once was. It’s very hard to see our spouses suffering. He may not want to be a burden on you, so therefore he won’t ask for help.
Do you have any outside help? Would he be more comfortable asking them for help? Do you think he may be approaching the point of needing to be placed in a facility? What health concerns does he have?
Wishing you peace as you continue on in your caregiving journey.
Has he had PT?
Is balance his issue, or weakness, or something other?
Is there a diagnosis of dementia or depression?
Eventually, for us all, it becomes companionship in the waiting room as we address current issues.
What are your issues, and your husband's?
You may just be undergoing the changes that come with aging, the process. I am 81, my partner is 83, and, as we continue to age, I know we often look at one another and wonder: Where is that vital woman laughing in pictures in Paris, cuddling dogs on the stone steps in Italy, weed whipping an acre in the country--WHERE DID SHE GO?
That vital man, sailing in races on the Bay, laughing with friends at dinners out, racing the dogs down the sands to the beach, raising his grandbabies up to the ceiling? Where did he go? Now it sometimes comes down to it's Tuesday and garbage-can night. Which of us has a back strong enough to do it, or is it a two person slog?
It can become tiring and too scary to remember the good times. But it's important to. And to remember there's something to be said for enjoying together a good documentary on Netflix, a sit down in the sun on the back deck by the apple tree.
Trust me that I feel you. I hope you will tell us more about what you're facing.
Do you feel like he is safe at home? Are you concerned about being able to continue to care for him?
I understand that you miss the person that he once was. It’s very hard to see our spouses suffering. He may not want to be a burden on you, so therefore he won’t ask for help.
Do you have any outside help? Would he be more comfortable asking them for help? Do you think he may be approaching the point of needing to be placed in a facility? What health concerns does he have?
Wishing you peace as you continue on in your caregiving journey.