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I just posted about my Father. The wandering/elopement is occurring frequently. He wants to go to his childhood home. I will tell him the police/sheriff will pick him up if he does it. I tell him everyday and the explanation is long.


He is in the late stages according to the Neurologist. Does this ever stop? He is constantly going to the doors trying to open them. Then when I do open them for us to go for a walk or go somewhere he won't go. I have to explain.


The thing about going to the open the doors all the time, goodness it is just tiring. We have tried Ativan 0.5 but doesn't seem to have any affect on him. I would like to avoid antipsychotics but seems that is only thing the doctor has recommended. I'm ordering CBD gummies to try.


Is there anything that will get him settled down? He does threaten and shows aggression when he does not get his way.

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The only solution is a Memory Care facility where all the doors to the outside are locked. When my husband started wandering outside, I knew it was time. In the MC facility, he walked around all day trying every door. It was heartbreaking, but he was safe. He didn't show aggression toward the staff. I think they were better at handling him than I was. I'm praying for wisdom and peace for you. God bless you!
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mgmbaker Jul 2, 2023
I can't say enough good things about Memory Care. In a good facility, the staff is very well-trained to handle the unpredictability of dementia. They are masters of redirect. My mom was in AL before she moved to MC and she eloped enough times that the director told me one Friday that we had to find somewhere else and gave me 30 days to do it. I found a great facility that weekend(at the director's suggestion) and was making plans to move Mom, when Mom eloped once again on the following Monday and then slugged a nurse who tried to bring her back, ordering her to return. After that, the director told me then that Mom just couldn't come back at all so I took her that very day to the MC I had found. I HATED putting her somewhere that seemed so institutional and leaving her locked in (but she hated it more).

After a few weeks, she was very secure in her new environment and I believe the locked doors gave her comfort. She walked around trying doors constantly (and still does) and trying to trick people into letting her out, but it seems to be more of a game with her now than a real attempt at escape. Watching how the staff has figured her out and knows that giving her direct orders will only escalate her, they have mastered what will shift her focus and what bribes they can make with her. I see them changing tactics according to the resident they are addressing. It really is a wonder how much MC can change the dynamics for a dementia family.
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All the explaining and re-explaining and threatening him with the police - it isn’t working and won’t work. Stop trying!

Time to accept that in order to keep him safe, he needs to be in a place with 24/7 care.
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Why would you like to avoid antipsychotics? It would help to know what you are fearful of.
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TwistVolt2 Jun 22, 2023
It is a long story. Short version is that he had adverse reactions to them. Made him have Parkinson type symptoms and hallucinated more.
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My grandma kept granddad home until he began wandering. Then she simply couldn't keep eyes on him 24/7. Reluctantly, but necessarily, she and her kids placed him in a NH where he passed a couple pf weeks later.

She did feel some guilt at not having him at home, but the few weeks he was in the NH, she saw him everyday and it also gave her time to come to terms with his impending death.

They lived right by a very bust road and she was worried sick he'd wander into traffic. Luckily, that never happened, b/c the neighborhood kind of adopted him as to his wandering care. They'd gently bring him back home--but at some point, it just wasn't doable any more.

To my knowledge, he was never medicated, but it was 45 years ago, so I do not remember.
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I would let the doc prescribe whatever he feels will calm your father down appropriately. CBD gummies w/o THC did bupkis for my mother w advanced dementia. She was Sundowning daily and insisting on going home to see her *deceased* parents and siblings, and that was THAT. Trying to reason with dad and threatening him won't accomplish a thing. You don't use logic with dementia. You calm him down and get him placed again in another MC facility asap. He may not stop this train of thought, or he may stop tomorrow, who knows? Such is the nature of dementia.

Good luck to you.
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My mom has late stage dementia. I saw a post from someone on this site saying how well CBD sleep gummies with melatonin worked. I tried it and mom calmed down and slept through the last two nights.
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I moved my wife to Memory Care 6 months ago. I see her every day and (thank God) she still recognizes me. We have adjusted meds and she seems to be content with her facility. I started her on CBD gummies a week ago. It's hard to tell if it is meds, CBD gummies or Alzheimer's causing it but hallucinations are more than 2 months ago. It seems when she takes the gummies she is happier and finds humor in what she sees. We lived on 4 1/2 acres and she seldom tried to go out of the house but I kept the burglar alarm on 24/7 in case.
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You need to see his doctor who will help you with medicating this level of anxiety and compulsion I hope. Is he currently back home with you? I very much hope not. This is now for his facility to deal with and this isn't a new problem for memory care facilities.

I am glad you will be looking for another facility for his safe placement, but meanwhile I would take him to the doctor.
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When he becomes physically aggressive, Call 911 and have him transported to ER . Once at ER, confer with staff about safety issues for him and YOU ; you can refuse to have him send back home and have the social services staff find options for his placement in facility care. As harsh as this may sound, it is for his safety and the safety and well being of you and your family. You are existing ( not living) in a prison in your own home, trying to accommodate the dementia illness that will only get worse. You can also choose to go ahead, be pro active and get options for facility placement now, and place him , before either he is hurt or you or other family members. That way, with him in facility care, you will also know that if you should become ill , you will know that he is receiving care. Consult sooner rather than later about this with his PCP or Neurologist or whoever is the assigned medical caregiver.
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Shannon85 Jul 6, 2023
I told the ER today that I couldn't bring my mom home. She lives alone & I work full time & she's no longer safe at home. They told me I could come get her OR they'd send her home in an ambulance with home health & a welfare check. She can't afford AL or MC & I can't find a SNF that will take her 😭
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His brain is broken so why the long explanations? He doesn’t understand.

You might need to try medicine. I hate to bring it up, but the other day in New Orleans, a man with dementia busted out and they found him deceased the next day close by behind a house.

As many times as you say he tries, what if he is successful once?
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