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Mom is 91, almost 2 years post stroke post hip fracture repair. She has aphasia, vascular dementia and chf. She had pneumonia and pleural effusion several times last year. In the Fall, she fell at the NH and her pleural effusion was tapped in the ER. There was a pocket of bacteria that blossomed into sepsis; she was in bed for 5 days. Prior to this, she had been managing with a walker.

Despite huge efforts by mom, pt and ot, they could not get her walking again, so she's wheelchair bound, but assists well with transfers. At our regular care meeting yesterday, my brother and sister in law wanted to know if PT can start to try to get mom walking again. I'm feeling torn between feeling like a miserable daughter for not asking this and feeling like they are not get in the bigger picture, that mom's muscles atrophied and developed contractures in the hospital that are not going to get reversed.

So mostly I just feel miserable and bad that it's fine with me that mom's in a wheelchair, because it means she won't fall again. Any thoughts, folks?

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Oh the SW and one of her nurses was there. No one from rehab was there because she's not getting any therapies. The unit manager was able to see when my mom last walked, just not everything that happened that caused PT to end.
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The care meetings that I went to concerning my mother always had more than one staff person. For all of the meeting to depend on on unit manager to know everything sounds like a lot to put on one person. There should have at least been something about her current progress with PT in her file so the unit manager could look it up during the meeting.
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Oh Babalou, I feel your pain! Before you beat yourself up, wait to see what the docs and or PTs say - they may agree that your mom is too far gone to walk again.

Sometimes caregiving gets the best of us and we miss things (or don't have the energy to pursue things) that might be helpful. My mom's heart doc added a new med and her heart rate and Blood Pressure were so low every month after that (like 58 bpm and 100/60) that I thought he might have over-corrected her atrial fib. I thought about it but didn't get myself together to do anything until the doc made her come in to get her prescriptions renewed - so probably a year later. I brought along a copy of the monthly record of her HR and BP from the visiting nurse. He looked at it and immediately agreed and took off the med he'd added.

So I could beat myself up that I didn't do that six months ago, but I'm too tired, LOL. So I'll just have to tell myself I'm doing the best I can by myself and that's good enough. My mom would be dead without me, I have no doubt. And I imagine your mom would be in the same situation. So cut yourself some slack. And come sit by me on the "I'm too tired from caregiving to care today" couch. :)
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There is a brand new unit manager at the NH who really doesn't know my mom yet. She's going to talk to the rehab director and they'll discuss and get back to us.

I'm a natural born perfectionist and can find ways to blame myself for almost anything. But thanks for the encouraging words!
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What was the response at the care meeting to their question?

Had they been told that mom's muscles atrophied and developed contractions in
the hospital that are not going to get reversed?

I'm not getting the feeling miserable and bad that it's fine with you that your mom's in a wheelchair, because it means she won't fall again? It's not your fault that her muscles atrophied and developed contractions in
the hospital that are not going to get reversed.

I think you are being far too hard on yourself.
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