A lot of you know my story. Took care of my mom for 20 years full time, including the last seven years she's had macular degeneration and totally blind. My brother is the Golden Child and moved away a year ago without telling me. Mom refused to give me power of attorney for her health care and my brother told doctors and nurses not to give me info about Mom last month when she was hospitalized. I finally said enough is enough and walked away from the entire situation earlier this week. I told my mom and my brother I would no longer be available to help and neither would my ex husband, a paramedic who was living with her to care for her. My mom is now home and already fell twice yesterday. She called my 19 year old daughter to come and pick her up twice and today, on my other daughter's sixteenth birthday, she called her to ask her to bring her laxatives. My brother has my number blocked and I can't even call him to tell him she is alone and need help and that we are not helping her. My daughters are themselves over being treated like crap by them. What the h*ll am I supposed to do? It seems fated that I am to be a slave to these hateful degrading people until my mom is dead. What am I supposed to do? Bring her laxatives? Go sleep over there again to make sure she's ok? I am a tour guide and bringing people to Nevada this week for five days. There will be no one here to come pick her up when she falls. She will again call her neighbors, who then decide that *I* am a jerk for not caring for her, just because I live a block away. I am not going to be her slave anymore or do my brother's POA work for him without any respect! Should I call her and tell her not to call my daughters anymore? Should I email him and tell him she is going to die if he doesn't get live in help for her?

Thank you for the responses. My elder daughter is moving into an apartment but still sleeps there. It is so upsetting to her because of how my mom keeps falling at night. She came home from work at midnight Thursday and my mom was on the floor. My daughter thought she was dead but was able to rouse her, at which point my mom yelled at her for waking her up. She fell again Friday night and went back to calling my ex husband to come get her up. He called my brother but he had blocked my ex husband's number, so ex went over to pick her up. I emailed my brother and told him to come and get her now. He drove in Sarurday morning and literally dragged her to his car to take her to his house. We literally wept with relief. But guess who was back home by Saturday night? She had told my brother she "wanted to go home." She fell again Saturday night and once again called my ex husband, who picked her up again so our daughter wouldnt have to. She is actually in physical pain now from picking up my mom's 150 pounds of dead weight. (Daughter weighs about 110). I emailed my brother again. No response. I was at my end. Yesterday morning I started drinking and got very drunk. At this point I was berated by my daughters for drinking and snapped. The 20 years of supporting everyone, working 14 hour days but just scraping,by, taking care of my ex who has mental illness and now my mom for so many years...the physical abuse from my brother and my own addiction to try to deal with it all . . . it all just came crashing down. I drove to the lake and didn't know if I was going to go back. Then I thought of my daughter who just turned 16 and how sad she has been with few friends and us gone all the time with the issues with my mom and how she tries to still be positive, and I turned around and went home. My ex slept at my mom's last night with the plan to call 911 when she fell again. I just woke up and I don't know yet what happened but I pray to God she is either in the hospital or dead, because if it's not her it is going to be me. I simply cannot even think about this situation anymore. I have done everything I could. I told my ex to stay away, but I can't force him to. I have told my brother she is under cared for until I am blue in the face. I told my daughter to leave and stay here at home with us until her apartment is ready, but she doesn't want to move twice so I have to accept that this is her decision too as an adult.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to ChiGirl68
BarbBrooklyn Aug 6, 2018
No one should be picking her up.

Cal 911 and tell them she lives alone and has fallen. She needs to be in a care facility.
Your mom and your brother are the jerks in this story. Block mom's number.

If you care to, send the neighbor a note; tell her that she needs to call 911 if mom has an emergency and APS if she feels that she in a dangerous living situation; you might add your brother's contact info and the fact that he has POA and should be contacted if there are issues.

You have no legal obligation to care for your mother.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Stick by your guns. Just tell her to call your brother. That your family is no longer going to help because its not appreciated and tired of the disrespect. Both have to learn that people can only take so much. You have a job you have a responsibility to. Tell her she needs to find help.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29

No one can use you or your daughters unless you let yourselves be used. Slam the door, shoot the bolt and walk away. Who cares what the neighbors think of you? Seriously. Do you really worry about stuff like that?

Get on with your life. Tell the kids to block Grandma’s calls. They’re both still under 21 and your responsibility.

If you want things to continue to be “the worst”, then do nothing. Continue to let these toxic people use you and your kids. It’s within your control to walk away. Do it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Ok thank you. God this is the worst!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to ChiGirl68

No you are not a jerk, and you and your daughters need to step back and let Golden Boy have it his way. If the neighbors call you, tell them the truth.. Brother will not "allow" you to help, so call him. If she falls, she calls 911. You tell them Brother has all power and will not give you any information so you cant help. Then they can call Brother. You have already told him what you will do.. so stick to your guns sister!! I know it's hard.. but once you cave in you are done for. And don't answer his call right away,, because he will call.. just wait a few hours and then call him back if you feel like it.. or block his calls!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to pamzimmrrt

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