Well, Mom has progressed to the point she was getting out of bed at night so I bought a bed alarm so I'd at least know. Her PCP changed her night time medicine to help her sleep through the night and after 3 nights it was obvious it was not wearing off during the day, so I didn't give her any last night. She woke up at 11:30 and thanks to the bed alarm I heard her. She made her bed and said that the preacher and my brother were coming at 12. I opened the blinds enough for her to set it was dark outside, pulled her covers down and got her to get back in bed. She was up and making it before I could get back to my bed (I have a baby monitor with a bird's eye view of her bed). So I have her her "old" sleep medicine to see if it would help her sleep. She was up and out of bed earlier than normal (usually at 9 or 10, this morning and in the last week or so more like 7:30 or 8), and when she was trying to make her bed, her knees buckled and she was trying to drag herself back up using the beside rail. Before I could get back to her (my office is proably 20 feet from her bed) she was sitting on the floor. She probably got half way up and fell over to the seated position. She thought she was in bed. She has been groggy all day, shuffling walk like too much meds. I don't want to over-drug her, really. Looking for the fine line of just right and working with her doctor to achieve it.

Then my sister (the nurse) came over today and said Mom was drooling and said I was over-drugging her and I should just put Mom in a nursing home if I can't not over-drug her. ?? If I am going to drug Mom so much that she's drooling then she's not coming over. I'm not going to be the cause of my sister having an excuse to not visit (not that Mom remembers) because I know my sister will blame me for her not seeing Mom. ??

I have to walk on egg shells to not offend my sister ( whom I love very much but she can be very difficult at times). Then she suggested I hire someone to sit with Mom at night. I said I can get up and put Mom back to bed, no problem, then she said "why can't you just let her get up and wander around at night" ?? And go outside? Or go buy locks for all the doors (or alarms) so when she goes out I can bring her back in? What does that solve? It's only 1 step different past getting up in the middle of the night.

I know there are probably no answers to my quandary, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. I am looking forward to reading your replies.

I did see where someone suggested valarian tea. I haven't tried that yet, and will put it on the list for the next time we go to the store.

Thank you Grandma1954,
I guess we forgot that drooling is part of the dementia process, though Daddy drooled towards the end, but between the time he started drooling and the time he passed was very short.

I didn't give Mom anything last night and she slept until 7:30, said she needed to use the bathroom, then laid down until the hospice aide arrived at 9:30.

The doctor ordered another med but we haven't picked it up yet. I may have a false hope, but I hope that Mom sleeps well tonight without wandering and if she does, maybe I'll give her a half-dose of her first bedtime medicine. Since it's shorter acting, if I give it at midnight maybe she will sleep until morning.

And I deleted the valarian tea off of the grocery list after I read about it on line.

My sister and I are both under stress, you're right. Her husband is 85 so she sees him declining (she's 24 years younger than he is) and it's scary for her.

Today was a better day for Mom. She is not quite as unsteady on her feet and is a little more like her "normal" self - very forgetful, to the point that when I told her it was dinner time she looked at me, then looked away, then forgot about me, I guess. Anyway, I'm glad she's better and I appreciate your support. :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to daddysfavorite

First...I am going to take your sister's comment about drooling.
She should know that increase secretions are part of the dementia process. Swallowing becomes difficult because the body does not realize that it needs to swallow (I hope that makes sense)

Getting the right dose of any medication can take time so do not rush to change or add to what she is taking. Talk to the doctor. You might have to find the optimum time to give her the medication also. It might be possible that there is a time release type as well that would allow for the med to "kick in" again.

Before you add ANY herbal to what she is taking already talk to the pharmacist (I think they are more up to date than doctors) Treat Herbals just like you would any medication.

And not to make excuses for your sister but you are both under stress. You are both going through the same process of slowly losing your mom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Grandma1954

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