My MIL moved into our home. She has Medicaid. I called around to see what small ALs in our area cost. The least expensive was $2,500.
I called Dept of Aging to get my MIL on a waiver waiting list. My husband did a lengthy screening w/them. We thought this put MIL on a list to get an application for a $1K subsidy towards an AL & also a Community Options Waiver/COW (pays for the AL). We heard that the subsidy could take 1.5 yrs to get & COW could take 3+yrs.
My MIL is frail but can walk, toilet (she wears a pad & has accidents), & showers w/help. She is tiny (95 lbs), & can get up & down off the floor better than many ppl. She paces a lot. We make her meals. She has looping conversations, makes up stories, has meltdowns MANY times each day, screams/rants, accuses people of stealing her $$, etc. (She's negative for UTI).
How's this going to affect her getting the subsidies? Her physical ADLs are better than many ppl who are 84 but her mind... Our daughter, who's a nurse, asked us, “would you leave her alone?” “NO WAY!” is our answer. We've dealt w/screaming, cursing, overflowing toilet that damaged our floors, broken appliance, refusal to go places, etc. This week she opened the door & walked down our long driveway to the street, which we can’t see from our house. Door beeps when opened. I followed & walked back up w/her. She did that 4x w/in a 2-hr period.
I do most of my work at home on the computer. This is affecting my work & physical/mental health. I CAN’T do this. I’m going to have to be alert & worry about her walking down the street to the high-traffic road. I won’t be able to get work done. So, husband installed a latch high on the front door so that she can’t open it. She went ballistic.
Someone told me about a licensed AL that would be $1500/mo. I pushed to get required paperwork done through the doc. Once MIL gets the $1K subsidy in a yr or so, the AL would just get that $$ on top of everything, so then the cost would be $2,500. We only needed to get a scan for TB.
While at the appt, a vm came in from the Dept of Health. My MIL's name was at the top of the waitlist. They said it was for the Community First Choice program. This is for ppl who need home help. NOOOO! That’s not what we wanted. I tried calling the Dept of Health many times & couldn’t get through. I called the Dept of Aging & ended up w/the same info specialist. She said she wasn't sure if we were on the subsidy list. She gave me a direct # for someone who handles just the $1K subsidy. (We were never told this before!) I talked to the subsidy dept. We're not on the list. She emailed us an application.
For a month, we thought we were on the subsidy & C.O.W. lists. There’s a whole bunch of papers to fill out & an interview w/my MIL. The C.O.W. is separate. IF we want to get the subsidy and the C.O.W., we have to remove ourselves from the Community First Choice program. I called the Dept of Aging again & got a different info specialist. She asked for my MIL’s name & said that my MIL had been bumped up the list for the COW & that the Dept of Health mailed out the application. She said that maybe the person who left the vm misspoke.
In the meantime, I need to get back with the $1,500 AL. They made the offer based on MIL being approved for the subsidy program. Since they thought my MIL was on the subsidy list, they probably expected someone w/different needs than my MIL. If they'll still take her, should I do it?
We’ll be paying $500/mo ourselves, which is a stretch for us. The place is good, but existing residents are not very mobile. Part of me thinks that if they take her in & they call us that they can’t deal with her outbursts…. Maybe we could ask them to admit her to the hospital and refuse to have her come home? (Just kidding?) OR do I call and say that we’ve decided not to put her in the AL and wait for the COW to come thru?
I don't feel like I expressed this well, but there were limited characters I was allowed to type in this forum & my brain is fried.
Your mother should go to a memory care facility as evaluated and advised by her doctor.
And yes, a facility can reject her or have her leave if her behavior is too disruptive to the other residents.
If she's wandering unsafely, she may need memory care, which has security features in place to keep residents safe.
I wish you well in sorting this out. It does sound unsustainable to keep her at home, so don't feel guilty about placing her.
There is a big backstory that I didn't have the room to include in the last post.
She has a co-dependent relationship w/her grandson, who has gambling & drug addictions (he stole at least $15K from her), which we didn't know about 'til later. He moved her out of her home & had her move 600 miles away, where she lived for 3 years. He got in a fight w/his husband, got in an altercation w/the police & was jailed. Spouse called family about MIL b4 calling APS. One of her sons took her in for 6 wks and then she moved in w/us.
G-son made bail, moved to the opposite coast & cont'd trying to get $$ from her, but we stopped that.
MIL thinks she is going to live w/him. We had a group phone call this week to have him tell her that she can't come visit him now & to encourage her to stay w/us until she goes to stay in an AL. We recorded all of it. She forgot about it all the next day. Every day she gets into these loops where she talks about how no one took care of her but her g-son. Everyone is stealing money from her (but not the person who actually did...her g-son).
BAD NEWS: I just looked at the form we asked the doctor fill out for the AL, and she checked the box that MIL does NOT have dementia (my husband didn't look over the forms on the MyChart like I asked him to the other day & I pressed him for it today). She never even gave her the test because MIL's vision was blurry. We took her to the eye doctor & found out that she has macular degeneration. I think the doctor believes this is some kind of family dynamics thing only. There's no question that she has dementia. Every single one of her children, siblings, and grandson sees it. Even if it could possibly be something else, the doctor didn't even tell us she was going to check the box that my MIL doesn't have dementia.
Also, we did get the COW waiver and are not on the subsidy list, so that's one thing resolved (for now)
Call some Licensed Social Workers to find out who is capable and qualified in your area to work with Medicaid applications.
The prices you are quoting are out of site inexpensive, and I cannot imagine any area where the cost isn't at LEAST 4,000 a month, so I am glad you seem to have a reasonable area but this really needs to be your mom paying ONLY and the government picking up the rest.
It takes a lifetime of coupon clipping, good jobs and hard savings to have money for your own retirement. You cannot afford to pay for elders.
I hope Igloo is around to help with your question. I haven't a clue how to work all these applications and qualifications.
You might google "nurse managers" as well in your area but don't pay one who has not done Medicaid applications. You'd be safer with Elder Law Attorney.