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My Mom has gotten much worse today. First I'll back up just a bit. We are blessed to have 2 aides come out 5 days a week one is here for 3 hours a day for 3 days and the other is here twice a week for 4 hours each day. They give mom a daily shower, clean her dentures, help her dress if she needs it. They also do light housekeeping, dusting, vacuuming, Doing her laundry, clean and dust her room, change her linens, cleans her bathroom, sweeps, and mops both her bathroom and kitchen, etc... All this is paid via her insurance company praise God! Because it's a blessing. So yesterday she asked if I'd spot her while she took a shower. I told her that her aide just gave her a bath yesterday and that she would get one tomorrow. I explained to her that Mark *my husband* and I wanted to spend Saturday together. Now today Sunday. I slept in pretty late. Mark told me that mom had been ranting quite a bit and using very terrible language towards him. I got up went to Mom's bedroom and knocked on her door. I asked her why she was talking to Mark like this? Mom said she wanted a shower and demanded Mark to wake me up and give her one. Mark told her no as I had gotten to sleep late last night. This made her angrier because Mark would not do what she told him to right then and there. So here I am at her door listening to this. Mom said I have been in this *expletives* wet diaper for 8 hours (this of course was not true). And I need a shower! I said Mom why didn't you change out your diaper? She said because my thumb hurts. I told Mom that she doesn't need her thumb to changer her diaper. This infurated her. She says well I called the police because you let me sit in a wet diaper and wouldn't give me *expletives* a shower! My Mom needs no help in dressing, changing her clothes or her diapers. She is still very independent in this area. When she started threating us I put my voice recorder on so that I'd have a record of what she was saying. Is that wrong? Because I don't know how else to defend her attacking us! This is the third time she has threatened to call the police in just this week alone. The first time was earlier this week. My daughter had just awkened and was getting to her infant daughter when my Mom stopped her. Mom said Brittany do you know where my wedding ring is? Brittany said no Grandma I haven't seen it. Mom started cussing and yelling at Brittany! She told Brittany that someone in this house took her ring and that she was going to call the police and have them search the entire house for her ring. Second time she said that she was calling the police was because we stole her food! She said we were hiding it from her or that we all sat down and ate it before she woke up that morning. I'm sorry that this is long winded but I felt filling in the details would make what Mom is doing more understandable. So today I started voice recording her when she would come into the room and verbally start attacking us as well as threatening us. Am I in the right to do this. As in my thinking that If I don't record it, it will be our word against hers. I truly don't know what to do! Sitting here in tears.

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Bookworm, next time Mom wants a shower and the Aides are not there, tell her you will help her by using a baby wipe product.

There are adults wipes that one can use to wipe all over that smell pretty good. Maybe Mom might like using those. I use them for a quick freshening up. I didn't like the unscented ones.
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Hi everyone,

Thank you for your advice. Mom just came home the other day from being in the hospital with a slight UTI and kept her overnight for observation while they waited for her culture to come back. Everything came back normal including blood work. and they released her. As for me spotting Mom when she wants a shower it's not possible. I am disabled and wheelchair bound when going anywhere. Because I am her daughter and not an aide she says that I need to step it up and help wash her. Basically, she wants me to do 90% of her shower for her as she knows the aides won't do this for her. I tried once to bathe Mom like I explained above, we got through it But at the cost of me going to my Dr. for a back injury, I sustained from helping Mom with her shower. Now I get the fun task of going for back injections in the next few weeks. So spotting Mom when it comes to me is not really spotting...It's doing it for her! The only person that has written about her having AZ is the attending Dr. when she was hospitalized which has been very frequent. Including 3 times in a nursing home. I have told everyone I know in the medical field my concerns and to this day have not received a yes to any mental testing. What else am I supposed to do?
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Sounds like a UTI ,,get her to the hospital asap..my mom has them all the time and she gets  really kooky ,,.. I hope your ok ...know you are not alone ,,I'm glad you posted ..
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Tears, let them flow, it is so understandable that you are overwhelmed!
So sorry it is happening to you.
Later, come back and read on "Caregiver Burnout".

Have you had your shower today?
Have you and Mom eaten something good?

.
.
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Oh, Bookworm...I now see that your Mom has been diagnosed with "UTI & encephalopathy" as you posted a day ago.
Is she drinking water? Is she on antibiotics still? A daily shower would help prevent the UTI from re-occuring. Hopefully, you are not leaving her medications up to her? Do not skip or stop the antibiotics!!!

Oftentimes, a fungal infection follows the antibiotics used to treat the UTI. Ask a doctor.

A brief review of your most recent posts shows you and your family are understandably having a difficult time, with the added stress of now having her at home when she has care needs beyond what you and your hubs can safely provide.
Others on here can help you with that.....

Can you caregivers out there help this caregiver?
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I agree with the other writers above, it could be a UTI.

Bookworm, if you have an urgent care center take Mom there if she will go now. Some urgent cares are open 24 hours a day and can do the test right then and there, with the results in a matter of minutes. Mom would need to pee in a cup, so someone may need to be the bathroom with her. Be better if you went with her. If positive, medicine can help get rid of the UTI.
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Agree with the answer above. If you're mom has been diagnosed with ALZ let the police know. My mother called the police while she and my father were together in assisted living saying he was trying to kill her and that he hit her. I had to speak with the police officer and he said complaints were quite common among the elderly. A note of caution however, my mom continued to call the police who came out to her assisted living home and I was told they would start charging the family for unfounded complaints. We did remove her phone at this time.
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Hey, 97yearoldMom!
Your advice is correct, and I concur.
How many times have we been through this with other really good and loving caregivers on this forum?
Bookworm, has your Mother ever had a UTI or behaved similiarly?
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Seems like a crisis, and not being handled as well as it could be.
Spot Mom a shower today, then transport her to the E.R. to be evaluated for a UTI, which is a urinary tract infection, which can be life threatening in the elderly, causing confusion, bad behaviors, etc.
If you are suffering burnout, call 911 and transport (her) immediately, forget showering.
You can get help for the burnout later.

If you feel it helps you, record, knowing it is not admissable as evidence in a court of law, under the terms you are recording a private conversation. Sometime, the conversation can backfire on you. Just don't show it to anyone, especially not the police. It is an invasion of privacy, and imo illegal. I understand your fear and feeling a need to record:
"Start recording: Mom, can I have your permission to record this?"

Get the situation solved, with a baby in the home....

Now, please take my advice. The elderly DO NOT have the normal symptoms of a UTI,
and the E.R. is air conditioned.
But, you stay home!!!! imo.

Are you good to go now?

What, there are at least 3 other adults in your home besides your Mom?
You've got this! I know you do. Be brave, do what needs to be done.

And, later, can you please check back in.....much later is ok!

I really care, but tough love is real love!
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Dear Bookworm50.
I know it is difficult to hear moms complaints and threats. I don't think it's wrong to record her if you feel threatened. However as she has been diagnosed with Alz and her actions can be signs of Alz I imagine if she called police that's all you would need to say.
Be sure to get her checked for a UTI as that can cause your mom to act out as you described. An antibiotic would clear it up. Self tests are available at the drug store. Urgent cares can do the test or her doctor can. Let her dr know what is going on. She may need her medication adjusted. In other words shift your focus from defending yourself against her mania to what might be causing the acting out. She's not well. Take action now. UTIs can lead to death.
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