We just had to put my mom in a nursing home and every time I visit her she cries and asks when she can go home, She is 95 and has dementia, so will ask the same question over and over again. She can no longer live alone. She wasn't taking her pills or bathing. She called 911 and was in and out of a hospital and rehab for 4 weeks. She can barely walk. I feel guilty if I don't go see her, but her behavior while I am there is literally killing me. I'm at my wits end and don't know how to handle this.
That is true. I saw it firsthand at the AL I worked in. Residents with and without dementia would be living their best lives until their spouse, child, or grandchild show up. Then it's complaining, hysterical panicking, crying, and begging to go home. The second the family leaves they go back to doing fine.
Also, plan a treat of some kind for yourself for after the visit as so etching to look forward to. Remember mom has dementia so it's not your fault she needs managed care.
Do the best you can and no more. Hopefully she'll calm down soon and things will get easier for both of you.
Best of luck to you.
I agree that the medications help...a lot!
You are telling yourself that you are responsible for the unhappiness of aging. You aren't.
You are telling yourself you could fix this. You can't. It is hubris to suggest you are god-like or a Saint, and the job description is a nasty one.
If you cannot understand what I just wrote you it is time for a few visits with a good COGNITIVE therapist to adjust the manner in which you talk to yourself. Our brains are very vulnerable to this sort of self-harm and self-accusation.
Meanwhile, keep your visits frequent and short, and when you leave say "My visit today isn't making you happy. I will see you in a few days, and perhaps we can have a longer and happier visit".
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