Follow
Share

My mom just entered a nursing home from an Assisted living two weeks ago. She had just entered AL last July. Her dementia got so bad that she just went downhill from the AL. Went to the hospital since she got really combative and they discroved that had a really bad UTI. She has dementia and is in a wheelchair since she was so weak from the hospital. she's just about forgotten how to waslk. Medicare cut off her NH funding after 10 days since she's combative and keeps fighting with the PT's and doesn't want to try to get better. She always sundowned around 3 to 7 at night. Yesterday I went to see her around 10 a.m. and she was totally combative threw a glass of water at me, cursed and screamed and told me to get the hell out. They couldn't get her to take her meds. Finally yesterday afternoon she took them but was still not calm. All I could do was cry, not for me but for her. The nurse told me that she was having a bad mornign and it wasn't personal. She told me to call before I go over next time so that they could tell me her condition at that time. Called again this morning and she was the same way. What do I do? Do I not visit her when she's this way? I don't want her to think I've deserted her? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

By the way, she's been on Ativan, Depakote, Resperidal etc. They now have her on Seroquel
Thank you, Rita

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Luvmom my mom was the same way on serequel. Horrible reaction to it and got very very mean. I think it's just a matter of who takes it like everyone said. They got mom off that very quickly and she's doing better now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

rd take care of yourself she is getting good care and she is safe-try to do things for yourself she will get straighted out in time and you will be able to visit her then.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you all for your help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yup. Each and every drug is worth looking at when something is going wrong.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I understand drugs can be different, but she was talking about combativeness and that was my experience so it "might" be an issue to look at, is all I was saying.=, just trying to help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Luvmom, I can understand your advice based on your own experience. My demented husband has been taking seroquel for more than 8 years, with great success, so I have a different perspective. The sad truth is, Your Mileage May Vary. The exact same drug, same dosage can be a miracle pill for one person, have no effect for someone else, and be detremental for a third person. It is very, very tricky to treat the mind. We need to be guided by very knowledgable doctors, and by our own close observation.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I would get her off that seraquel, it made my Mom crazy and its NOT for anyone with dementia or alzheimers. She is angry she isnt home, I would never stop visiting her, she needs your comfort even though she is combative, its a lonely disease, up the depakote and she will be fine with lots of love. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ativan, works well for my 98 yr. old Aunt, she only been combative twice within 7 months. I only give an half pill, a whole pill having her sleeping for three days straight. I only give her the half pill when she is agitated and would not allow me to sleep I feel for you, I very seldom read anyone praying for patience. I constantly have to pray for patience being a caregiver is not an easy task, as you already know. Remember, everyone can not be a caregiver, so you are a special person. This is my third family member I have taken of Mom, Aunt, and now Great-Aunt. You probably need to take a break for a day or so and adjust your process of thinking with your mother behavior. I didn't understand why Medicare cut her funding. All caregivers need prayer, Much Love and Patience.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As other posters have said, (btw, they're great people) your best alternative is to call. It could be the meds adjustment, and also a new environment for her. Let's not forget that what I've read about ALZ, and I'm sure Dementia that people cannot process things as they once did. My aunt, now deceased must have had an undiagnosed both personality disorder, and possibly Dementia. She was extremely combative and living at my mom's home. I live about an hour and a half away in traffic, so I know that feeling of bracing oneself for the visit. Now it's just my mom, also who I suspect is either too medicated, and sleeps a lot. Sometimes my visits go like this. I arrive, she's just had breakfast or lunch. I have her attention for a bit, then she usually goes to the couch to watch tv, and falls asleep. But at least, she hasn't shown the aggression her sister did. But definitely in your case, do not feel bad about the fact that you call the nurse's station instead of driving there. Besides, in this journey we must remind ourselves, that we try our best and that's what it is. Stay strong. Margeaux
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you for all your responses. They're really helpful and it's almost a comfort to hear that her behavior is not unusual.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My heart goes out to you and understand what you are experiencing. As above posts have said, it is a good idea to stay away for a time. I had similar experience with my mother; and there is a period of adjustment. It is not easy, but it does make a difference to keep a distance. The staff are well trained in handling these situations and I found it was best in the beginning to allow them to do so. It seemed that my visiting or calling my mother was counter-productive.

My mother would refuse meds as well and of course this only complicates things. It did take some time to have the right combination of meds, but what a difference once that is accomplished. But, even after that, you can expect some of the same behaviour to surface again and again. I do keep in touch with the staff and often when I visit they will warn me "it is a bad day" and sure enough, they were right. She would tell me to get out, etc. etc. etc. And so I would. Which is unfortunate as I have to drive 2 hours to get there. I can only go on certain days due to work, etc. so sometimes just have to take my chances.

The best thing to do is try to always be mentally prepared for the worst - that is what helps me - and often she is surprisingly OK. Every situation is different. But, it took professionals to tell me to stay away and I'm glad I listened. Bless you and take care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I agree make arrangments to call the nursing station daily to see how she is doing-going to see her now will not help-when they get her meds straightened out you can go to see her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I suggest that you not visit for a few weeks to give her time to adjust to the new environment. I know that is hard to do but let the nursing staff know what you are doing and for them to keep you informed even if you have to call daily to see how she is adjusting. Chances are after a few weeks she will forget. She may need a combination of two different meds one given in the am another in the pm. My heart goes out to you because I know first hand how difficult it is to deal with the circumstances you are going through. My father passed on 12/27/03 from Alzheimer's complications. He had pneumonia in Oct. of that year and responded to the anitbiotics. Then in Dec. of the same year he got pneumonia again and was not responding. We let him go because he had DNR orders. Your mother's condition is such that she needs time to adjust and I would give her that time. When dementia is involved, the person who has it, is only going to have short bursts of current memory. Since she knows who you are, she is going to behave worse when you are there, she will blame you and curse you, but you are only human and can do so much♥! You have done a wonderful thing for your mother in caring for her quality of life. Take a break for a few weeks but continue to talk with the nursing staff.

My mother is now 83, she also has Alzheimer's. She is still living at home and in denial. I wonder at time what this means for me and my 3 sibling??? She also has a personality disorder which complicates things. Take care of yourself as it is so important that your health and well being is being addressed♥!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.