They are not married but have lived together for at least 20 years; however, California (where they live) does not typically recognize common-law marriages, from what I read. He refuses to take her to his doctor appointments at the V.A. (where she might nudge the doctor about it). He does not think he has any problems with anything. She has tried to phone the social worker at the V.A., but I believe he suggested she attend the doctor appointment with him, which isn't possible. She has left messages at the V.A. but no one calls back. I suspect that the privacy regulations will not allow anyone to discuss this with her, as she's not a legal spouse. I know the V.A. has programs and help for dementia patients, but I can't imagine how she'd get help. Her partner is certainly not going to ask for it. They also have a trust to handle their finances, house they own, etc. They are both about 70 years old. Any advice I can give her about what to do would be most appreciated.