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She's mean to me. Everytime I go out, she likes to tell everyone that I'm a sl*t. The other day I went to buy shampoo AND other sanitary products and she told my mom that I was probably having sex somewhere with random people (this also happens when I go to college). I found out about this and confronted her but she denied it, said that she never said that AND that I was basically lying when it was not the case. She also likes to critize everything I do, apparently to her everything I do is wrong and that I'm useless, and so many other things. She's been like this my whole life, and now that I'm finally stepping up for myself cause I'm tired of the abuse, I'm a bad person. I can't leave the house because I have no money. Am I wrong for cutting ties with her? Is it okay to cut abusive people out of your life? Sorry for my english, it's not my first language.

Normally I would encourage anyone to avoid contact with someone she has found to be abusive.

In your case, though, it seems sensible to ask first what "cutting ties" with your grandmother might involve. You live in the same house, which you say you can't leave. It seems that you and your grandmother share this home with your mother, and possibly other family members too? So if you can't leave, and she's not going to leave, how is this going to work?
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
Im just trying to ignore her as much as possible. I try to spend a lot of my Time studing in my room and i try to go on walks as often as possible too (like 2 yours) That way i dont have to cross paths with her
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It is certainly not wrong of you to cut ties with her.

I am terribly sorry for this pain in your life. You deserve to be treated with respect and love from your grandmother.

What was your relationship with her when you were younger? Was it always bad? If so, definitely cut her out.

Or is this a change in personality due to a medical condition? It still hurts no matter what the situation is.

Most of all. Do not allow her opinion to influence how you feel about yourself. Hold your head high. Realize that you have a bright future ahead of you.

Place your focus on your studies. Don’t allow your grandma to distract you from what is most important.

Working hard in school will most definitely be worth it when you receive your diploma!

Wishing you all the best now and in the future.
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
Thank you so much, this brought tears to my eyes. I'm trying really hard to get good grades so i can get my diploma and it's working.
Shes always been a Little mean when i was younger but as i grew older she started using not so nice words when talking about me,so this Is not the result of a medical condition.

Thanks again, have a Lovely day/night
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If she has always been like this, then make plans to walk out that door and never return. Sounds like you should have done that many years ago!

If she has dementia, then you really can't expect her to ever get any better or nicer. Even if she does, you should not be taking care of your grandma. You are too young to be sacrificing your freedom.

Get working on your exit plan.
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No, it is never wrong to sever ties with someone that is abusive.
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It’s never wrong to protect yourself from abuse, and verbal abuse counts. Don’t place yourself in her presence and ask family not to discuss you with her
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As sad as this dynamic is to live with, you can learn and grow from it.

Don't be like her! Likely she has always been this way, to a point. Aging brings out our natural behaviors--I have noticed this in myself--certain behaviors that I do not like, but that have become more noticeable and (I'M SURE) unpleasant for my families.

You can, and should, cut ties with someone who is not loving and supportive. I always taught my kids they didn't have to be best friends with everyone, but they needed to treat everyone with respect. That means respecting yourself, too.

Good Luck. I hope you can find a way out of this living arrangement, and barring that, just find a way around dealing with a toxic grandmother.
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"I can't leave the house because I have no money" you say. How old are you? If you are of age and finished with schooling, then you are likely quite close to getting your own job, your own space, and moving on with your life.
You say your Grandmother has never been different. So you know who she is and who she will remain. And you will meet unhappy people like this throughout life. I am sorry you have had to grow up with this meddlesome and troublesome elder in your home. But you will soon be on your own, and beginning your own life.
Wish you luck.
I agree with RealyReal, also. Whoever is spreading gossip to you about what your grandmother says in her likely increasingly demented ramblings is doing you no favor. They need to be told exactly that, that you have enough trouble with what you hear firsthand, and certainly want no further second hand spreading of gossip.
Meanwhile in all of this I suggest learning to have a peace at your center, maintaining a good attitude, as descending into squabbling over someone who has been unhappy and troublesome all her life is letting HER be the winner.
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
Thank you so much, i Will try to keep my peace and not Let her win
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Whomever is telling you the vile things that your grandmother is saying needs to be told that they can keep the conversation to themselves. They are the real problem here.

Grandma isn't saying anything to you but, someone is. Are you sure that it isn't the instigator that is putting words in grandma's mouth? It happens all the time. People tell others lies about someone and then people are all angry and upset with each other and they are being played by the trouble maker because that person is the actual source of the words and they are liars.

Learning to ignore what others say about you is a sign that we are maturing. Especially when what they say is a lie, if you defend yourself the troublemaker will say, see it's true, she defending herself and that means what is being said is true. You know the truth, so don't defend yourself against lies, I am speaking from experience.

Please tell anyone and everyone that you don't want to hear what others say about you. Until they say it to your face it is just vile gossip and you don't even know the true source of the words.
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
Thank you so much. You are right about this and i Will follow your advice
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I'm with Grandma1954, if she's living in an assisted living facility,(according to your profile) how and why does she know where you're going and what you're doing? Who's sharing that information with her? If it's you, stop, and if it's your mom, tell her to stop sharing that info with grandma.
And no, you are not wrong to cut ties with an abusive person, family or not. Life is too short to put up with toxic and abusive people. You have every right to choose the people you want in your life and those you don't. Best wishes.
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
Thank you so much, it Means a lot
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Your profile says she is in Assisted Living but it seems like you live with her. Look up "gray rock". You just ignore her. If you don't react to what she is saying then maybe she will stop.

At you grandmoms age she probably has some Dementia. This just makes things worse. Get your education, find a job, save up and move out. Do not agree to ever care for this woman.
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If she is in Assisted Living, and you are not living there with her how does she know when you go to the store? Or what you buy?
You do not have to have contact with her.
If you do if she starts in tell her that you are not going to listen to that kind of talk and walk away.
If I have mis read your profile and she is living in the house with you you do the same. Walk away when she starts. You must have earbuds..use them .
And yes you can cut abusive people out of your life.
One of the things that you do not mention is the possibility that your grandma has some form of dementia. Alzheimer's or Vascular dementia. People with dementia loose the filters that we sue to live in society so all of this might not be her. But if she has been like this her entire life then that is just her and you should not expect her to be different.
Do not confront her with any of the things she says, it is not worth the argument.
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Makitomakulito Mar 31, 2021
I live with her. Thanks for the advice
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