Follow
Share

My father wants me to drive him to see my mother's resting place for mother's day
it's over 1 or more hours away and he also wants to see my aunt that was useless when my mother died
I am so stupid he only calls when he wants something and he only wants to go down there to make him feel better about himself
I know I have posted a ton of times about this stuff so don't reply if you are going to judge

Find Care & Housing
Mary, are you willing to do this?

Are you willing to have a relationship with your dad based solely on his terms?

Are you willing to be treated poorly and still show up?

Only you know what you're tolerance and desires are regarding the relationship with your dad. Be brutally honest with yourself and then accept the consequences of your decision.

I am sorry for you that your dad is not nice or kind or loving to you. It's just not in his DNA and you deserve so much better.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to anonymous749199
Report

Mary, as ITRR says, you DESERVE to have a better father. But you don't.

You have a father who is entitled and presumptuous.

You can't change HIM

You CAN say "No, I can't possibly do that."

And hang up.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

GET DAD OFF THE ROAD! No matter what you have to do to achieve it.

On a beautiful spring morning, my beloved brother-in-law and my sister headed out - just the two of them - for a day of business and recreation. They were optimistic and happy about their upcoming family vacation with their four children. The eldest was to be married in December, a big church wedding that we were all looking forward to.

An impaired driver ran a stop sign and hit their car broadside. My brother-in-law sustained massive head injuries from the other driver’s vehicle coming through the front windshield. His skull was shattered, his brain smashed. My sister had a broken collar bone and arm; she’d been thrown from the car.

Their last vacation as a family never happened. My sister had lasting scars from seeing her husband’s brain oozing from his skull. Tears streamed down his daughter’s face as her uncle walked her down the aisle on her wedding day. She’d so looked forward to that moment with her dad.
Our family was never the same. My BIL’s bright light is forever gone from this world

It may seem like nothing to you that your dad still drives. After all, he hasn’t hit anyone. Yet.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Gosh, Mary. I remember your posts.
I am so sorry this situation is so ongoing for you.
I know that I in the past have given you a lot of advice that just seemed to add to your despair--and that in fact made you very angry.
So, I'll just tell you I'm sorry you're still feeling so STUCK in all this.
Try to look on it as a weather system that comes and goes. Be good to yourself. Give yourself a break from it all when you can.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

You’re not stupid, more like frustrated and missing a relationship you wanted but didn’t get. Decide if doing this with dad would make you feel better or worse, not what it might make him feel, just you. If you’ll feel worse, gather the courage to decline. I wish you peace
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

You don't have to do anything he asks. Just say "No, find someone else to drive you." Then hang up or walk away. It gets easier with every time you say it.

He'll get over it. And eventually, he'll stop asking.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

"Sorry Dad, NO. Ask my sister to do it for you."

Seems your Dad only wants your help when he needs something. You don't owe him anything. You have tried and just hit a wall. I think you have stepped back dome, right. Then just keep stepping back.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Yesterday I watched in horror as an old man drove through a pedestrian crosswalk when the warning lights were flashing (to stop the traffic) and people were in the crosswalk. It did not register to him that all other cars were stopped. Luckily, nothing happened -- this time.

My 93-yr old Uncle was t-boned when he went through a red light. His passenger, his wife of 70+ yrs and 2-time cancer survivor, was killed (plus the dog on her lap). The other victims weren't seriously hurt, thank God.

My cousins didn't understand how urgent it was to stop him from driving -- or didn't want to deal with his resistance and anger. Now everyone on this site is trying to drive that point home to you. Do whatever you can to stop him. You may not be able to, but do as much as possible. We've given you all sorts of strategies. I wish you success!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
mary543 May 12, 2025
I have to take his keys away

my sister is useless only going to him for money and saying he is fine

hate this is on me always

he will get belligerent when I take his keys away

I just want to run away
(0)
Report
Please don't call yourself stupid. No one is going to judge you.
Most of us have been there done that anyway.
Take care of yourself the best you can.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Rbuser1
Report

He drove himself, he saw my aunt who called me and said, "oh my he needs to be in a home."

I started crying saying he won't let me help and she just couldn't be bothered

My "friend" has judged me again because I didn't drive him and has stopped "talking" to me

in other words, we have been friends for almost 30 years, and I don't like the judgement

I am just so tired of this

ok my own fault

I guess I have to get him off the road, ugh

I know it sounds selfish but this sucks
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to mary543
Report
mary543 May 15, 2025
Sorry-tye1 for replying to me

I am going to have to do something about his driving because it's the right thing to do
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter