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They asked me to move in with them. They are both confused easily & one has major memory issues. I understand they want me to clean house, cook, provide medical care as needed, and assisting as needed 24/7. At this time they do not need much nursing care other than advice & filling two pill organizers weekly. I am a nurse & want to do this but need some income to pay for my own insurances, car loan, ... They do not qualify for Medicaid. I hate to ask them to pay me but can not afford to quit my job to do this without some income.

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Wondering, I'm glad you have training to handle the stress of caregiving, just remember that caring for parents is a whole different ball game from caring for strangers. Feelings of fear, guilt and obligation can come into play, and our parents can push our buttons like no one else can. Make a promise to yourself to honestly re-evaluate your arrangement periodically to be sure it is still working for all of you. Good luck!!
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Thank you all for your advice. I like, & will miss, my current job but caring for my parents will not be much different than what I've been doing for other people for years.
I plan to MAKE time off daily, wkly, and longer breaks every 3 months. I'm aware of the impending stress & am trained, in several modalities, of ways to cope and handle sensitive situations. I also told them I'd help as long as I am able mentally & physically, and will need some outside help.
I feel better now about asking for full compensation, which was my concern.
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wondering00, please note that 40% of caregivers pass away leaving behind their loved ones, the stress is unbelievable..... those are terrible odds, and then what would your parents do?

Explain to your parents, during a clear moment when they are in the present brain wise, you need to work to have your own retirement fund, or you'd be living under a bridge when you become older. My Dad asked me to quit work, so I in turn ask Dad did he quit his job to care of his parents or my Mom's parents. I knew his answer would be no, and he understood.

If you still insist doing this type of work, ask your parents for the last salary wage you had received as a nurse.... ask for money to purchase health insurance on the open market which is more expensive then group rate at the hospital.... ask for money to put into your 401(k).... put into Medicare.... put into Social Security. Ask for paid days off for vacation and sick leave.

If you don't get any days off, you will find yourself working 168 hours per week, that would be like working all 2 or 3 shift per day at the hospital.... think of this that way.

Are you really ready for this?
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"At this time they do not need much nursing care other than advice & filling two pill organizers weekly."

This doesn't sound as though they need someone living there 24/7. I have the feeling there are other issues involved. Do you dislike your job, or are there problems there that makes this seem like a better alternative?

I think it would be wise to really examine your perception that you need to live with them to provide the care they need now, as well as how you feel about quitting your job.
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Quitting your job to care for your parents is not a good idea. It will ruin your life in the short term, and it will have a devastating effect on your retirement benefits (Social Security, 401(K) in the long term. Down the road, you may suffer severe health consequences from the work and stress. I know that this sounds overly dramatic, but it's true. Your mom and dad may seem to have few needs at present, but after you move in with them, the picture will become more clear. There will be numerous doctor appointments, emergency room visits, and probably hospitalizations. What will you do with your mom while you're rushing your dad to the ER? What will you do with your dad while you're taking your mom to have her blood drawn? Do you have a vehicle large enough to accommodate two frail adults who may soon depend on walkers or wheelchairs? If so, is your back strong enough for you to lift the walkers and/or wheelchairs and put them into the backseat or trunk? What will happen when the parent with major memory problems starts to wander (perhaps taking a fall outdoors that leads to a concussion or broken bones)? What will happen when that parent starts turning on the stove at random times, possibly with an empty pot on a hot burner? Your desire to care for your parents is commendable, but there are other ways to see to their well-being that don't require you to move in with them and give up your life. Please reread Babalou's very helpful answer and consider seeking an elder law attorney's advice on spending down for Medicaid. (By the way, my husband and I took care of my dad in our home for almost ten months, and it was incredibly difficult. The day we were able to move him to a senior living situation was one of the happiest days of my life. We still do a great deal for him, and we're committed to helping him live the best life that possible for him at his age, but the stress of living together 24/7 is gone.)
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All good points, CW. Especially important to get your parents accustomed to having caregivers other than you if this is to work long term. And important to set up a legal caregiving contract so that this does not appear to be "gifting" when it comes time for Medicaid to kick in.
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If you are determined to go through with this then I think it is only fair to be paid at a rate equal to what an outside caregiver would be paid. There are generally labour laws in each jurisdiction that cover minimum payment for live in caregivers, the number of hours that they are allowed to work, the compensation for room and board. Draw up a legal contract and your parents can pay you accordingly, and as an employee you could also pay into your SS I think... I know my wages here in Canada count toward my CPP benefits. And don't forget that live in employees get days and nights off, so factor in the costs for hiring a second outside caregiver.
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My dad somewhat did this with his grandson but it was because he didn't have a job so he couldn't understand how he was even living on his own but he had his ways and his bills as well - are either of your parents veterans by any chance?
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I agree with Babalou, there is no reason to quit your job to take care of your parents. I had quit my job to care for two people and you will burnout quickly. I would talk to their doctor before you make any decisions to see what he/she suggests regarding their care.
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Why on earth would you do this? I'm sure you love your parents, but why would you commit yourself to a live in 24/7 job that will inevitably result in your loss of autonomy as an adult, impoverishment ( is your retirement fully funded) and loss of both wages and social security credits?

Is part of the issue that your parent won't consider outside caregivers? Part of what you will face down the road is burnout from caring for 2 diabled elders and wanting some respite. And they won't allow it, because only YOU can care for them.

I'm not meaning to be such a negative Nelly, but read some threads on this site before you agree to this. Your parents WILL qualify for Medicaid if they go to an elder care attorney, and with your help, use their income and savings on caregivers or a good Assisted Living facility. They will dpend down until they are Medicaid eligible.

Please think hard about this, and let us know how it works out!
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