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I have a 19 year old son with disabilities and seizures. He requires one on one supervision at all times. I like to get him out into the community and he has the right to be out in the community. When a bathroom need arises for either me or him, I take him into the handicap stall in the women's restroom. It is private for us as well as everyone else in the restroom. Recently I have been told by his disability service provider that their respite caregivers who are women are not allowed to take him into the women's room. Also, they cannot take him into the men's room and so they will only take him where there are family restrooms. This is very limiting and not fair to him. I would like to understand his rights.

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i took my aunt in her wheelchair into the busiest ( lobby ) mens restroom at the indy va one morning . edna commented that it was a mens restroom so i stated loudly that its ok , she was with a man and these gentlemen dont mind . and of course they didnt mind at all .
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The agencies that fund and supply support to disabled individuals are totally overboard on rights of the disabled. At my brothers program he is known as #37 but the staff that work there can use their own names not numbers.

As far as the rest room I used to send him in the mens room and hover around the outside door. As he has declined I now make sure he goes before we go out, use family rest rooms and take him in the womens handicap when necessary. I am my brothers full guardian, the agencies have to deal with me. He has a right to use his name and a right to use whatever rest room is necessary.
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I don't think the ladies in the restroom will have a problem with anyone coming in to use the handicapped restroom stall. What will they see? We are doing our "thing" behind closed doors. Women bring their male children in all the time and trust me, not all of them are toddlers. If you have to potty, you can't just leave a preschooler standing out in the mall (or wherever) by himself, so you bring him in with you. Big deal.

The people with the problem are the caregivers that you hire. It is their policy, ask them how they deal with the situation. If they have no answer, then perhaps he should stay home on the day that those caregivers are there. Make a list, whenever you run across one, of places that have individual restrooms (one person at a time) and share that list with the caregiver. Perhaps they can limit themselves to those places. I'm just spitballing here. Don't really know your town or where you take your son. It's nice that you want to get him out, I'm just saying that if it's a one day a week thing for you to have a respite caregiver, that perhaps that one day they stay home. If it's more than that, give them a list of places that have appropriate restrooms.
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REally, and the public cant understand the situation? And the agency is pulling this one that may be dangerous? If the Caretaker who is handling your son is female, I would say, just like a Mother with a 2 year old Son, take him into the women's bathroom, and the handicap stall..... It is larger, and able to handle a caretaker and the patient.....My husband was on baby duty one day, and had to walk our daughter into the men's stall......Well, they walk in, and the first thing she says to daddy is, "That's where you wash your hands..." at 18 months, she likes to sing.. and boy did she sing... He took her into a stall and she sang...As they walked out, she had a quizacle look in her eye, when she saw a man standing in front of one of those "sinks." Dad walked her out quickly.....
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I had great luck with places that have a private "handicapped" restroom. The folks still loved the casino.. mom played and dad enjoyed the lights/music and action. Luckily the casino had 2 private large handicapped rooms. Maybe you could see if these are available? I do think all places should have one or the other, but I understand due to space and cost many can't
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This is just one of many dilemmas one has with a female caregiver caring for a male. From experience I used to find large restrooms for my Grandson that were designed for one occupant. I would just bravely march him right into male rest room or female whichever not occupied. I feel very outraged that respite workers would not take him to restroom. That is exactly why Home Health agencies where I worked tried to always employ a male on the staff. Staff was good about changing patients to accommodate a specific patient need that might be awkward with the opposite sex. It is supposed to be about the patient and should not be influenced by other considerations.
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The respite agency is limited by the threat of sexual harassment laws. What you can do and what they can do will always be different.
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Well, in dealing with my dad I did not have respite caseworkers and was free to do whatever I thought was right. Through trial and error I found that taking my dad into the women's restroom was easier for me as it seemed larger than the men's room and was definitely nicer. But taking my dad's dignity into consideration I began using the men's room when he had to go. I never came across anyone who was critical and came across many people who were understanding and gave me a sympathetic smile.

What in the world are you supposed to do when this respite service says that your son can't use the women's OR the men's room? That is totally unrealistic and unfair. What did THEY suggest you do?

I never used the restroom when I was out with my dad. I'd go before we left and I'd have him go before we left but his bladder was 79 years old and wasn't what it used to be. Me, I have a super-bladder and I can go hours upon hours upon hours without needing a restroom so using the restroom while out with my dad was never a problem.

This is a real pickle you have here and I'm outraged for you. If you weren't prohibited from using the restroom at all I'd suggest the men's room for you and your son. Men use the restroom and they're in and out. Women linger, check their makeup and so forth. And men aren't likely to go and complain to someone whereas I think women would be if you come across some unfeeling, uncompassionate, miserable old biddy.

I'd love to know what exactly this service suggests you do.
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Well, then, they aren't caregivers are they? I bet that they have to protect themselves and him and this is the policy that they have adopted. But, what about at home? Would they be able to toiler him there? Is it possible to try a different agency?
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