URGENT What happens to a rehab/SNF patient when the caregiver refuses to pick her up upon discharge?

You (We) all need to remember that a certified Elder attorney is taking care of things. He is ethically bound to do the right thing for all involved. The daughter should be consulting with the attorney. He/She would be able to clarify the situation for her. We should assume he knows exactly what to do to satisfy the nursing home. Remember he has a law license at risk, so I would assume he would know what to do.

having read your profile, I see that your mother has a lot of physical problems as well as dementia. That is a LOT for your father to handle and I suspect he’s burned out. My husband is physically healthy but his mind is galloping away from him and there are days I don’t think I can stand to have one more insane conversation with him, answer the same question one more time or hear AGAIN the story of how he came to Washington. It must be so much worse for your dad, who’s also handling several physical ailments on top of the dementia issues.

When he met with the facility, I’m sure they pressured him into agreeing to pay for the month. Once he got out of there, he may have realized he needed a long term plan and consulted an attorney. I agree with the posters who encourage you to talk with your dad if that’s possible. I don’t understand the posters who are anxious to see that your mom get her share of the marital assets. Anything she gets will disappear VERY quickly to pay for NH care. Unless your dad has been abusive or neglectful of your mom, I would encourage you to do what you can to ensure that he is financially protected as he seeks appropriate care for your mom. You say he’s cared for her for the last year and a half. Based on my own experience, I’d bet life with her got pretty challenging for him LONG before she was diagnosed with dementia. My husband and I went to marriage counseling more than once before I realized he had cognitive impairment. Friends from my support group said they had the same experience. Long before you identify the real problem, you wonder why your loving spouse has become so self-centered. To others, they often seem fine for years, when the person who lives with them is going crazy at home. One reason they seem fine is that their spouse is taking over so many tasks they used to handle and helping them in so many ways. In my situation, my husband became an incredibly cheerful guy without a care in the world, while I got more and more stressed, snappish, and negative.

I definitely agree with the posters who tell you not to take your mom home. Once she’s home there is zero incentive for anyone to help you find a suitable alternative and, if you haven’t done it, you can’t possibly know how difficult it is to care for someone. You won’t be able to leave your house without having someone there for her. I now pay someone to come for 4 hrs (the minimum) once a week so I can get out. Unfortunately, this I usually spend this time grocery shopping. The isolation of caregiving is debilitating all by itself. I’m lucky in that we can get out with friends once or twice a month since my husband is not physically disabled. You may not get this luxury with your mom.

You wrote, "My father went to the facility and agreed to private-pay for a month. However, he did not return with payment and is not returning their phone calls." If he signed something, that's a problem. breach of contract.

Dad is tired and ready for her to go to facility. If you or another member of the family is willing to take on this 24/7 responsibility, then go tell dad. If not, he has contacted an elder attorney to help him with financial decisions and the path to nursing home facility.

I think it would be better to tell dad you understand that he's tired and you're willing to help him with placement (if no one else is stepping up to the plate) and that you would like to go w/him to the attorney so you will understand what the end goal is for the finances and nursing home payment. -- You need to know this anyway, in the event something happened to dad during this whole process.

Two choices - you take care of mom (and ask dad for her share of finances to do so) or you get on board with dad to put her in a facility. Perhaps even a small private elder care home if finances allow.

Talk with an Elder Law attorney. Congress established a period of 60 months Medicaid ineligibility for those who transfer assets. Medicaid officials look at transfers made within the 60 months prior to the Medicaid application.

Since you accepted the responsibility of being your Mom’s POA for financial, you need to immediately go to an elder law attorney to speak about Medicaid and learn the ropes. I had to do this. It cost me about $250.00 for a one hour consultation so I would know where to start. Go to your state’s website and read about eligibility for Medicaid for someone IN a nursing home. Educate yourself On it and see that attorney. Knowledge is power as they say. Carry a notebook and pen to write down what he says especially the “spend down” of your Mom’s liquid money and any other assets that Medicaid might want to know about. I dealt with it and it is a MAZE unless you get guidance. My Dad was living too and at their home. Medicaid can be state specific so if you Google or search info, be sure to include your state as a keyword. Otherwise, you may find yourself on a site that doesn’t have the same rules/laws as your state. Good luck to you! It is time consuming to start. Once you see the attorney, things will start to gel but trust me, you will still have questions.

Imho, as PoA you should hire an attorney for yourself, Good luck and prayers sent.

I didn’t read all of the responses here so I might have missed something and let me say up front states differ on these things, I don’t know anything about Ohio’s (I think that’s where this family is) laws and procedures. However I think it’s important to remember that POA’s are often used for all kinds of things including younger people and couples who can’t be around to take care of certain business, my son and his GF who closed on their condo during lock down gave POA to someone else for the closing because they couldn’t be there in person for instance. All three of my mother’s children have a POA for her power of attorney isn’t limited to one person nor does it supersede the rights of a spouse to make decisions unless specified that way. Just because this OP has POA for her mother doesn’t necessarily mean her mother was choosing her “over” her father and in fact I wonder do you (OP) also have POA for your dad? If so and maybe even just as a representative for mom, you might start with contacting that attorney to ask what the thinking and plan are here. Your dad sounds like he may not fully understand why he is supposed to do what he is doing which is why he isn’t explaining it to you and maybe he is missing part of the puzzle maybe the atty said “refuse to take her home” and the only way dad knew how to do that while still making sure she was ok was to promise self pay and then disappear. Maybe the atty will tell you as mom’s medical POA to tell the rehab you are biding time till something is in place next week and this is the way to protect them as well as mom. I don’t know this is the case but it certainly could be, there may be time extensions or wiggle room in your state or their circumstances the attorney knows about and you or I wouldn’t.

That said I am suspect about there being a way to shelter more than half their assets but then again I don’t know the ins and outs of your state or how long either your dad or both mom and dad have been working with this attorney to prepare for just this situation. Your dad knowing he can no longer care for his wife at home doesn’t mean he is “dumping” her or doesn’t care anymore, he may Even be in a tremendous amount of emotional pain feeling guilty but this is what he has been advised to do by the professional he put his trust in. It may even be that he’s carrying out the wishes your mom expressed to him before her situation got so bad too and one of those was that you not be put in the position of making these decisions, you never know. If she is competent you as POA can carry out her business on her direction, if she is not and your POA is either durable (and meets any requirements for that outlined) or springing you can act on her behalf but really what you need is to understand from this attorney what the plan being executed actually is and then go from there. I wouldn’t be acting against Dad or making assumptions about his motives until you have more of the facts than he seems able to provide, wether that be out of guilt or inability due to lack of understanding.

Just my thoughts based on my experience.

You, daughter to your mother...Call Adult protective Services. The snif should have done this

There are differences from state to state, but I can't imagine any state is able to legally discharge a patient without ensuring that someone is accepting responsibility for them. They may put quite a bit of pressure and guilt on you or your father to come get your mom or start paying.

You are getting into tricky territory if you insert yourself in the middle of this.

Keep in mind that the people who care for your mom are separate from the people who run the business office of the nursing home. You, of course, can continue to visit her, discuss her care with the staff, make requests on her behalf... But, I would NOT get involved in the plan that your father and his attorney have in the works.

If you pick her up, you take responsibility for her. You would solve the nursing home's problems, but would likely start friction with your father and commit yourself to your mom's full-time care. That is a BIG job, especially for someone whose health is as compromised as your mom's sounds.

question: is it explained why the daughter has POA instead of the husband? And does daughter have both medical and financial POA or just one or the other?

The SNF might sue for payment..at least give them the phone number of Attorney you’re dealing with. Tell them you want her to stay there & unwilling & unable to do at home caregiving. Tell SNF you are in process of applying for Medicaid. If you don’t talk to SNF the bill will still be mailed. I think communication is always better...not talking won’t stop the bills. They need to at least take her Social Security & any pensions she gets every month. Good luck...your Father probably feels overwhelmed. Hugs 🤗