A few have asked that I keep them updated on the progress of my Mom’s journey after having cognitive tests with a result of “Unspecified Major Neurocognitive Disorder” so I thought I’d share our experience we had at the neurologist yesterday. (For reference, here's my intitial post: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-diagnosed-with-dementia-but-im-not-convinced-and-i-have-so-many-questions-472835.htm)
Firstly, we had an amazing Dr. He was very personable and took much more time listening to her and explaining than her NP ever has. So that immediately put both my Mom and me at ease. My Mom did all the talking but avoided any mention of memory concerns. When the Dr asked her what she was visiting for, she just said headache was her only issue (background: when I suggested we see neuro/go for MRI, I framed it in such a way to imply I was more concerned about the headaches - which is true, actually - and we could check for memory issues while at it. She fixated on headaches b/c I think she is both embarrassed and perhaps in ‘denial’ of there being memory issues). Finally the Dr probed about memory so she acknowledged it and then told him some of the issues she was having but that she wasn’t concerned. When it felt appropriate, I asked if I could add my input: I explained there had been concerns expressed around her memory (basically her husband constantly telling her about her “bad memory”, though I couldn’t say that b/c he was right there), however I expressed didn’t feel it was anything different of anyone else of her age and mentioned her stress and depression. He asked questions like: does she get up and walk around confused in the middle of the night, does she have to be reminded to shower, does she not remember what things are for - e.g. keys. (These were all a ‘no’) and then he went through some general tests with her (she didn’t do well on simple math and subtracting in her head, but she gets very nervous when doing any math, she only went to the 9th grade and has very low self-confidence with this and tests in general). After the questions were done, he went on to explain “pseudodementia”, not dementia but symptoms that mimic it and said since she scored highly on the PHQ-9 it’s could be that. Although I’m not sure if the Dr was just trying to soften the situation. He then also explained that MRI could show some changes in the brain and that some brain shrinkage is normal but he also added that he has seen patients with a very large brain that have major issues and others who have had significant brain shrinkage and they were sharp as a tack. So the message I got from that is that it’s not that straight-forward which I understand.
My gut feeling when I left yesterday was that she'll be okay. But today I woke up in a panic. I’m not sure if it’s just nerves but I am having all kinds of second thoughts. Should I have even started this process?? I know that if it turns out to be *actual* dementia of some sort, it can’t be treated so would this have all been an exercise (inadvertently) in making my Mom worried and potentially making a bad situation worse? Should we just have left well enough alone? Am I misunderstanding the whole process? The reason for going through with the initial cognitive tests was b/c Mom said she was tired of hearing her husband say how bad her memory is (he told me multiple times too) and I told her it wouldn’t hurt to have it checked out and anyway, it would likely “prove him wrong” and she would feel vindicated. I truly didn’t expect she would get the result she got from the cognitive tests. But I guess - to an extent - he got me subconsciously worried about it, too. And I would have felt I was being irresponsible if I ignored it altogether. The last thing I want is for Mom to feel like something is terribly “wrong” w/her and it make her progressively worse if there is something there.
So I guess what I’m asking is - if there’s nothing to truly treat dementia anyway, have I opened a can of worms?
It's just occurred to me that I accidentally posted my update about Mom's MRI on the my very first thread, instead of on this thread. Rather than duplicate, I'll leave it there. If you want to read it, here's the thread link: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-diagnosed-with-dementia-but-im-not-convinced-and-i-have-so-many-questions-472835.htm
Thanks again for all again for showing of support, kindness and for sharing your experiences with me. It has meant so very much. ❤️
One other thing, perhaps the most important is that you help your dad with his fears also. He is perhaps being more critical than helpful with his comments and that is usually a fear response. He is older too.