This is not a question I can only seem to post under the question form
my father fell cracked his head open, he was covered in blood and feces and urine, thankfully the neighbor found him or he would have bled to death
Hospital is kicking him out tomorrow, I suggested a few places but he will end up where he ends up
He cannot go home there is no question about it
nursing home will drain his money, the rates are obscene, my parents could have protected their money years ago, we advised them to but they never did
I am ok with the money going to his care
my sister IDK I havent talked to her in 3 years
she has blocked my phone and email, care places want me to make decisions including some involving money, am I required to inform her of those major decisions about money? I will have to find a way if that is needed
I also have a lawyer I will have to talk to asap
Enjoy your holidays and family.
If you become POA , then you sign as POA . Make sure you ask the lawyer the correct way to sign on forms at the nursing home etc . as POA. This way only your father’s money is used for his care , not yours .
You don’t want to be directly responsible as guarantor .
Given your emotional state and history ,
I strongly recommend that you DO NOT become POA . It’s not easy , especially with a difficult elder involved .
Instead of taking on POA, Call APS and Let the state take over his care . IMO in this case it’s the most secure way of making sure Dad is placed for his safety.
I don't want to be POA
I agree that if he will not sign for you to be POA then refer him to 911/APS.
His money is there to be spent for his care. When/if that runs out he needs Medicaid.
I think you would be wise to get some therapy regarding this relationship. Your father never has nor will give you the approval or love that every person needs from their parents. I suspect he is not capable. It would be good for you to come to terms with this as it will affect other relationships. Wishing you the best.
Then what?
Does he have the money to hire in-home aids on a long-term basis?
Or are you planning on taking him into your home?
Can he pay for a facility? Maybe he will qualify for LTC, which can be covered by Medicaid if he qualifies medically and financially?
What's your plan? Are you going to spend a wad on an attorney whose services may be for naught rather than therapy for yourself?
Here's what you do if/when he refuses to assign a PoA: you do what was suggested 13 threads ago and keep calling 911 or APS and reporting him until the court assigns him a legal guardian. The guardian will then get him appropriate care which you won't have to manage or pay for.
But you should really be putting your time and money into therapy for yourself first and foremost.
he is a hateful horrible human being mean to the core and a horrible father and husband
but he has moments where he is so sweet it breaks my heart when he is in the hospital and vulnerable
he cried today over the phone and I cried with him
probably manipulation but he is 90 years old
the lawyer will take the documents to his rehab/nursing home but him going in person to do that will cost more
If he doesn't agree to anything the lawyer offered to talk to him
after this idk what to do
He is a complete selfish POS but I still care about him at the end of the day
he goes to a rehab place tomorrow won't get lawyers involved for a while need a break I love this place thank you
I was POA/Trustee for my bro, the most cooperative man in the world; there were no complicated relationships otherwise in our family (such as your Sis). And it was STILL such a hard job, organized as he was. I shudder for you in what you're taking on. Truly I do.
Considering the history of this, I believe you should stay out of it altogether. You've done what you could, and what's happened to dad was inevitable. I'm sorry.
There is truly nothing now to be done. You are right that his money will now go to end of life care. Problem now is that someone is going to try to rope you into guardianship or POA (if he's still competent). My advice is to leave that to the state so that you can stay disengaged from this, or let your sister have it if she wants it.
To be honest here I wouldn't bother with the attorney. Unless you rather has great wealth it will now all be gone in a second and there's no sense worrying about having to deal with him, his issues, his likely ruined home, or your sister.
Best to you. I know you could have predicted this, and again, I am so sorry.
Since your father does have money and will pay for some of the NH cost this consultation and retainer fee should come from his accounts. Do you have the ability to write checks? If not the attorney will be able to guide you. However, if you do not want to become enmeshed in this situation do not sign anything or agree to have your name applied to any forms regarding your father. If the hospital insists, demand Hospital legal representation be called as well as social work department.
If there is a lot of money involved and the 'decisions' aren't in her favor, this is definitely worth doing. If not much money and more work, not so important.