We saw a kind, thorough Palliative care team NP yesterday. She’s pretty certain mother has advanced dementia, and didn’t bat an eye at us declining a feeding tube. Once she explained this is dementia and not just a temporary delerium, I felt ok with denying tube feeds. Mother is also already to the point of being unable to safely swallow, and seems to be refusing foods anyway. Speech therapy said she failed her swallow test. They say we can do comfort feeds, which so far seem like she’ll refuse anyway. She is keen to drink water, but chugs it and coughs a lot after. I was thinking of getting a dropper, but we’d have to see if she’d accept it.
They had a little trouble with placement since she’d gotten violent at the rehab. But got her in a SNF where my friends mother also did hospice so at least I’ll have someone who knows how they work. Mother is almost child like now, a few garbled simple sentence and words, lots of silence, and random groans. What’s interesting is she loves my husband (always been fond of him) , but now lights up when he’s near. And barely shows interest in me.
I’m not sure if it’s still the same now where Medicare won’t pay for the bed and hospice . Something you may want to ask the SNF about if Mom has no money to pay for her bed , unless Mom is eligible for Medicaid to pay for her bed .Don’t spend your own money for your mother’s bed .
Thinking of you. 😊
Hospice will make sure that your mom is now kept comfortable and pain free, and will have a nurse come once a week to start and aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, where palliative care only sends out a nurse every 4-6 weeks to check on your mom.
I'm glad you opted out of the feeding tube as that would have only prolonged the inevitable.
So just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mom and make sure you leave nothing left unsaid.
Please don't prolong this, nor allow others to.