This is not easy. I am not sure if the week of not visiting her helped or hurt. She clearly was traumatized by our sudden absence and I am so glad we can see her every day now. One of us will visit her daily for the rest of her life. There is definitely a lot of relief that she isn't alone anymore. It does take a lot of the pressure of the day-to-day needs off of me and my sisters but new challenges have arisen. She has not eaten much at all. It was a struggle getting her to eat a few bites of soup. She was never a big eater but this is different. We aren't sure if she is almost protesting or if it is related to her disease. She is different now. Seems much more elderly and frail. I have seen videos of her being involved with activities so I know she isn't miserable 24/7 which is what I am holding on to. I believe we have her in the best place possible but it is a sad place. It feels super uncomfortable to leave my mom in a place where strangers are watching her. Most of the employees have a very friendly disposition but a couple have seemed uninterested and unfriendly. I am keeping an open mind but sometimes every true crime book I have read will flood my brain and knowing how vulnerable my mom is a terrifying thought. We really don't have any other options available. So this is life and whining isn't going to change anything so I am taking it one day at a time.
If you think it’s best to visit every day then you should. My sister or I do that.
I found most of the staff where my parents’ are to be professional and polite. There are a couple that are unfriendly but they do their jobs. It’s good to keep tabs.
It’s sad this is happening to her but she is safer there than at home and she is cared for by professionals.
I used the in house doctors and mobile dentist so I didn't have to transport mom out of the building since she was wheelchair bound. If there was a need, the nurse called me first and sent her to the ER by ambulance. I'd meet them at the hospital. 2x the nurse caught pneumonia early enough for it to be treatable.
When she was dying, the line at her door to say goodbye was huge. Nurses and aides came by from the regular AL building to pay their respects to mom for days. We all received wonderful treatment from the staff there.
Don't conjure up true crime scenarios in your head about how this situation will turn out for your mom. Keep an eye on things, naturally, and speak to the Executive Director about any concerns you have. Nothing is perfect and there WILL be issues from time to time, that's to be expected. But in our case, I never saw my mother mistreated or yelled at or purposely taken advantage of.
Wishing you the best of luck.
She was probably not eating much because of different food she's not used to.
Especially if already a picky eater. She was likely upset and hurt at first. That doesn't give someone an appetite.
Of course it's a sad place, it's not Disneyland. It's a MC facility, which is to keep her clean, fed and SAFE. Not every staff member needs to be "friendly" since they have a tough job.
Best to stop feeling so guilty and give her a chance to adjust. Nobody likes moving into strange places, so she's probably sad and depressed. Someone visiting "every day for the rest of her life" won't help her adjust after just a few weeks. Bring her favorite treats? A photo album to look at? A stuffed animal to hug?
Getting older sucks. You can't control it, or caused it. She knows you all love her, give her time. All the best.
You and your siblings have done a great job of looking after your mom and you will continue to do so until the Good Lord takes her home, so just enjoy this time with her as her children and advocates and not her caregivers, and know that no matter where in her little world she is, she still loves you all very much, and knows you love her too.
May God bless and keep you all.
And I would like you to consider just how long you would want her to continue on in this kind of lost world of torment.
As you say she isn't miserable all the time. And she can join in some things. There is comfort in that. But this now is her world. It has been full of loss in the last times, and it will continue to be full of more of them. I hope that her DNR and no transport to hospital is in place, and consider Hospice when you are able to for extra supportive care.
I am so sorry, but this is real slow loss. You may surprise yourself that when she does finally pass you feel relief for her, that you need not fear what she must endure next, as well as relief for yourselves that she is free of this mortal realm.
I am so sorry.