She has moderate dementia and can’t stand long periods, almost bedridden. She pulls her clothes/diapers off at night. She calls every hour for a few sips, I work with barely any sleep and I pay for someone to stay with her until I get off. She barely eats or drinks and is very mean to me, I am at wits end. I have a home, yet I have to stay with her. She lost 25 pounds in less than two months. She hallucinates and her Dr. does not support her.
You have stepped in & also arranged other caregivers to support her, but as she is declining, it's time to plan ahead.
You describe someone with more than moderate dementia symptoms. I would seek another medical assessment & consider Hospice evaluation too.
Your profile says you are POA. Therefore you can arrange assessment, care & accomodation as required. Have a frank discussion with her Doctor about your Aunt & what pathways are available now.
You have to decide what you will do.
Being POA does not mean you have to do everything yourself. It means you have the necessary authority to act on your Aunt's behalf.
If you will be returning to your home, find out where your Aunt can safely go when you leave. Or if staying, for how much longer will you stay? Arrange & pay for the extra help you will need for this timeframe.
Write a note to her doctor stating what you have written here. Tell him you can no longer care for her and she needs placement.
Then go home.
Does she have any financial resources at all to pay for private pay for MC for now? Even if she'll run out of money shortly, if she can get recommended for LTC at least she will be in a facility of choice (as long as they have open Medicaid beds and accept Medicaid residents).
On a more practical note, I would look for a water bottle that you sip from, that she can have in bed with her and take her sips without spilling it or waking your up. I saw ‘adult sippy cups’ in a shop recently, but haven’t seen one in action. Perhaps other posters have some ideas.
If she doesn’t want to eat and is losing weight, is it a problem? It may suggest that she is moving towards the end of her life – and is that a problem either? If you ‘have to’ cope, perhaps if you stop worrying you will find it easier.
Best wishes, Margaret
You will run yourself into the ground if you keep this up, there are other options, why not pursue them?
Sorry about this, wish I had more to offer but I see no other solution.