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So, per usual, I went out of my way to cater to my brother, and he treated me like crap. He said he was coming over with my niece today for the first time in weeks. I planned a taco dinner, collected things to give them, made a list of fruit that's ready to eat (they like eating the mulberries for example). Mid-day, he called while I was mowing that he'd be late, 6 or 7 pm. I rushed my chores all day, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning pond filters, mowing, showering, etc. to have time for them. I didn't wait to make dinner though figuring I could reheat it. I like to see them because I have zero visitors, no help with the house (I wanted him to move the dehumidifer to the garage; I can't do it; I have nobody else to ask), land, or my father (I've asked my brother to take him to get a hair cut since my brother gets every other Friday off, and I have no time off), and my brother lives 10 minutes away and claims my father's house is his as much as mine. Anyway, he called just a short time ago. He said his wife won't let him relax at all on the weekend (or ever for that matter). She's a horrible person, no news there after 18 years of the worst marriage ever. He was mowing his FIL's lawn. I didn't curse at him or raise my voice, and I haven't in years and never much before then. After he told me his story, and how he's always too busy, I said, "So, I guess you're never coming over." His response, "I'm never coming over. Go to hell!" And, he hung up. I really hate being hung up on. It's like a FU or something. I know he's not really angry at me but he has control issues. I'm pretty sure he's inherited my father's bipolar disorder. My brother's the closest thing that I have to a friend, and he's telling me to go to hell. Should I just forget about him? I have to keep him happy because of future will issues.

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You know, my brother has never once, in his entire life, brought a meal to me or my parents. My mom and I also always gave him tons of presents. In return, for birthdays and Christmas, I kid you not, he would often give us toiletries. I got zit cream and hair remover for Christmas before. We're also generally not allowed in his house as his wife detested my mother specifically. We ate there once when our power was out, and we brought the meat. Mom was histrionic but her heart was in the right place. She was very giving. He is dominated by his wife. It started when she ordered him to marry her to get a green card and threatened him. Later, according to him, she ordered him to impregnate her since her sister had a baby. But, tonight, after I posted my original post, my niece called. "Can we still come over?" in her little doll baby voice. So, they came over for just an hour and got their tacos and fancy ice cream. We picked mulberries. He belittled me and called me names per usual but not in a hostile fashion. I still don't like it. He was agitated but not badly. It would be so nice to have someone be nice to me for once. Mom was the only one to ever give me presents just because.

The will leaves me 50%, my brother 40%, and my niece 10% payable when she turns 25. Their portions are in trust (mom's idea to keep his evil wife from kicking me out) but his trust doesn't mention a deadline so a lawyer said that basically means it's up to him as to when I have to pay him off the value of 40% of the house and belongings. He has about five times more money than I, makes about 4 times more, and my father's IRA's would be split evenly so he'll have plenty of money (they have to save it all to sent my niece to the most expensive college you know so they can make her be a doctor and marry a doctor). He joked that one option would be for him to move home and pay me rent when I asked him about it. I never know what to make of him. He has a minor fit if I change anything at home. Actually, I'm in "his room" right now, and he's coming back! (One day, maybe, well, just maybe). Anyway, my father may just live forever as he is, and in many ways, I hope he does. I am future executor of the will and have DPOA (but have not tried to enact it) and health POA. My parents knew my brother was too erratic to trust, and that his wife was horrid. I guess it's good that I never was able to get a date and get married. Life alone sounds a lot better!
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Your first sentence summarizes it all. Apparently his has been going on for some time. Stop trying to please him - it's not going to work and won't change anything.

Anyone who would swear at me would not be on my "speaking terms" list. Period.

Brother apparently knows he can get away with his behavior, and/or he's dominated by his wife. Hard to tell which, but he's not likely to change.

"...claims my father's house is his as much as mine." and you have to "keep him happy because of future will issues. " What's going on with these issues? Is he named as proxy in a DPOA, or is he named as the Personal Representative in the will and you're afraid he'll cut you out?

It would be unfortunate if that's the case and if he was appointed to hold any authority given his hostile nature.

I wish this weren't the situation, as it must be hard for you, but you're probably familiar with the adage that "you can't always change a situation but you can change how you view it." Perhaps it's time to just let brother go his own way.
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The siblings who do the least always blame the one who does the most. My brother calls me a "selfish f*cking c*nt," while I am the one paying 100% for my parents care and doing all the work. My father's siblings did the exact same thing to him when he took care of his parents. No thank you, just hatred. You are not alone.
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Sounds like he has his life and his life is most important. Sounds very very familiar. You get all the work and he will get half the house. See an elder law attorney. If there are funds - see if any can be used to 'hire help' for your father. If he was a vet - there may be some help there. Once I finally accepted that my MIL's other kids would NEVER EVER lift a finger to do anything that could be called 'caregiving' or offer a cent to help out us hire help or anything else - I felt better. Just give it up and find someone you can hire that you can actually COUNT ON! And yes, being told to go to hell by a neglectful brother is a pretty lousy thing and I am sorry he treats you this way. Who knows, you may strike up a REAL friendship with the new handyman! It is worth a try.Hope your day gets better. Take a moment to breathe and tell yourself that he is the jerk - not you!
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I'm sorry you're going through this. But you don't have to keep him "happy", you do your best to keep yourself and your father happy, that's it.

Lovely, he cuts his FIL's lawn but can't take his own dad for a haircut. He and your niece should be bringing dinner over to you, even it is fast food take out.

What a jerk.
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