Our relationship is is very thin. We have nothing in common. I have tried and tried to hold up conversations about things that are important to her. I don't bring up stuff I'm interested in because she shows zero interest. I'm so tired of our relationship being about her. She never calls or visits. I went to see her in Jan. This was the first time I had seen her in 2.5 years. We had a falling out for about a year....that's why I went so long with out seeing her. While I was there I overheard her telling her friend about how her family never comes to see her. I'm sitting down the hall! She once went 10 years without visiting me. I love her but our relationship is in the pits. It's hard to even talk to her. She is just mad because I won't do what she wants. We lead very different lives. She does not respect people have different views on religion and politics. I'm always just wrong. I try to disagree with her but then she thinks I agree with her views. I want a normal relationship with her but I don't think its going to happen. She expects too much. How do I fix this?

You have set it all out fairly clearly. Your mother shows zero interest in your own interests. She expects you to do what she wants. She is single minded about her own views on politics and religion. She probably doesn’t even think that ‘math is awesome’! Chances are that you bore each other to tears.

You aren’t going to change her, so it is probably time to work out realistically what you can get from the relationship. The knowledge that your behaviour matches your own standards? For your relations and acquaintances to understand that you are doing your best, no matter what they hear from her? Keeping contact so that you will be there to make sure she is cared for if her competence declines?

If you can establish what you want and might realistically get from the relationship, you can work sensibly towards those goals. Don’t suffer by wishing and hoping for what is not going to happen. It won't help you or her. Have courage!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

It sounds like she is very difficult person to deal with. That's sad to see, because, you seem like a very kind and considerate person. I have learned that some people are just very odd and they may not be kind or considerate of others, especially, those who love them most. If you feel the relationship is worth keeping, I'd try to figure ways to tolerate her, as much as you can stand. I'm no expert, but, have read that some people have a disorder that causes them to put other people down, criticize, and treat unfairly. They make you want to avoid them. I'm not sure how they would change, unless they wanted to change. A counselor for yourself might be a good idea to give you support and coping tools. Sometimes, venting helps too. There are so many dysfunctional family members out there. I think it helps to know that we are not alone.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

You cannot fix or change your mother. You can only change yourself - your attitude or your reaction to Mom's antics. If your mother is not interested in catching up on or sharing family happenings and you don't agree on religion or politics then there's not much left to talk about - except maybe sports, hobbies, etc.

You may need to do one of the hardest things ever. Accept that Mom is the way she is and you will never change her; that you will never have the relationship you want with your mother. Mourn the loss of the relationship you wanted, then move on. You need to develop a "realistic" relationship with your mother. Maybe you only see her for a few minutes every month or so and devote the time to checking up on her person, her home, her food, her car, etc. Accept that your mother is always going to "frame" your conversations with her as the all knowing parent and you as the ignorant child. You do not have to accept your mother's framing; there are lots of books out there on how to turn the framing but sometimes with an elder the best coping is to recognize and ignore it.
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Reply to TNtechie

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