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My Mother is 90 years old and has not been able to cook for several years. I want to replace caregiver but the poa who has control has been deceived by this young lady. My Mother has told me she complains when Mom has an accident and has told her to stay in bed because she has not gotten enough sleep. My Mother gets up usually one time at night, very rare for a second trip. In addition she has had her children come to my Mother's home to visit and the caregiver put her son's birthday and graduation dates on Mom's personal calendar but failed to put her son in law's, granddaugher and grandsons on and they are all in the same month. My Mother questions me if she should give him money and if she is expecting her to. I have no answers. When she does her light housework she never moves anything, dusts around it. She never tells my Mom when I call nor does she returns any of my texts when I try to call and can't get an answer. I don't live close so I will text her (her preferred method of communication) and hours will pass and I will send another text and she gives me some phony excuse why she didn't text me. I am so upset with this situation that I cannot stand the sight of this cruel individual, which Mom has said she doesn't act the same when her girls are visiting. Don't know what to do becauseI don't believe the POA is seeing things in their true light.

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Could it be worse with someone else? Or only better? If it could only be better, then I would ask the POA to replace her. Clearly, the woman is taking advantage of the situation, but maybe the boundaries and rules for the job were never written down or communicated. That's the POA's job, and it's always awkward to do it retroactively. The POA should welcome your input! Maybe together you could write specific rules and guidelines for the job; then the POA can communicate them to the caregiver and give her a written warning that failure to comply will result in her firing. It sounds like she might quit if she doesn't get her way. I hope so, for your sake.
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Who is the POA? A relative? She is Your Mother, for Pete's sake. Is the POA somehow involved with the caregiver? Time to get more involved and protect your Mother.
BTW: There are people with passive aggressive tendencies, ingrained problems, who take on this type of work. My intuition tells me she is one. Please follow through on this for your Mother. Take care. xo
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joelson57, why is the brother living there? Did your mom let him? Did they have some kind of agreement about rent or no rent? He's telling SS he pays rent? Can you provide more details, please.
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i am 56 years old man taking of my 87 year old mom who has alltimers this is takes up all my time i dont mind doing this. my question is in moms home a retired older brother lives there and will not help or pay rent he is geting a check monthly from ss and tells them he pays rent what can be done he is taking advantage of her sickness
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Can you get a "nanny cam"? Those cameras that can be hidden and can record the environment. manybe the POA would be willing to set this up ( discreetly) and if there is some shady stuff going on it will convince the POA and you can get the one the dismissed and get a better one. How frustrating for you. I think there is a special place in Hell for those people who choose a field of caregiving and then abuse it.
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I take it you and the POA have discussed the situation and the POA doesn't agree with you. Is your mom well cared for by the live-in or do you feel there is blatant neglect, not just a personality conflict? Yes, the live-in should cook for mom. How is your mother eating if the live-in isn't cooking for her?
The person with the reigns has authority. Is this a family member? Maybe a few more details would help us give you better input.
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