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I moved my Mom into my house back in Nov 2006 after she lived approx 120 miles away with my one sister whom I do not get along with, she has mental issues and has always been taken care of by my mother. Unfortunately, when my Mother's funds ran out, so did the sister. I had no other option but to move her in with me because she could not live that far away with no means to get around or have anyone to look after her. So my sister gave me about 2 weeks notice that she was moving out of my mother's house.
This was a very big change as I mainly had a "phone relationship" with my Mom for more that 25 years. My husband and girls and I have been very close always and without them, I would probably be crazy by now.
Anyway, after alot of remodeling on my Mom's house and trying to get her bills paid, she was extremely in debt with credit cards.
We finally sold her house and the financial burden portion of stress has been lifted. I was able to pay off her credit cards and put the balance into a savings account for her when she needs it.
My problem is that I am so unhappy having her in my house. I have always been a loner type and the thought of having someone sitting in that chair all of the time drives me crazy. Then there is the guilt for these feelings, I really do not know what to do.
My sister comes in and out of the picture and sometimes takes her for weekends, I am so happy during that time off with neither of them around.
I try to have a strict business relationship with my sister for my Mother's sake only.
There is more to this story, but for now I am just looking for a place to vent. I have been holding everything inside of me except for my understanding husband and girls.
Any advice that anyone has would be great.

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Please keep on venting. We're here to listen. We can't fix things, though we can relate and advise, but we can help share your load just by listening.

Boy to I relate about someone sitting in the chair driving you nuts. I need alone time - and I mean alone. The person doesn't have to be doing anything wrong. It's just that some of us need to be alone with our thoughts. For me, some of it is a form of meditation, and without that I have a hard time staying mentally and physiclly as balanced as I like to be.

You don't get that chance. No wonder you are stuggling. Obviously, there are other family issues, as well.

You can't make her do anything, but you could hire an in-home agency and when they come just say, "So and so is here to keep you company while I run some errands." Then go to a park or somewhere you enjoy.

It takes guts, and you won't have your house, which I realize is part of the main problem, but you would get a little time to yourself.

The adult day care mentioned would be ideal, and she'd probably enjoy it if she let herself enjoy it, but she won't if she won't. It's tough to get them to go somewhere physically if they refuse. So, until the time that you move her to assisted living or somewhere, you will have to cope with her at home. Getting out by yourself may be your only viable option.
Carol
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gw, don't feel guilty you have your own family and especially you come first. We are not all given instructions on how to handle our parent(s) just like having a baby we do the best we know how. Don't give up on the things you love to do. My mother has made the decision to sit in the house and complains that where we live is an awful place not true she just doesn't want to make a effort to change her social life. We all make choices and if they what things to change and they are still able to try then its their fault.
It took me last year even with my parents health issues to go on vacation with my family. My husband and two teenage sons. This year we are going again and I have no guilt I need the time with my sons and other family members, and so I don't get burned out.
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why don't you check around for an adult day care for your mother? that should give you some 'space' during the weekdays. on another day of the week, check into some county respit funding and get out of the house to do errends, shopping and/or something with your family while a respit helper can stay with her and do games, tv or a walk. she may not be thrilled with sitting in the chair all day either and these other options may be fun for her. good luck to all of you. sooz
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I have suggested going to the senior center she says "old bitties go there" Can't make her do anything.
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Maybe I left some information out, not on purpose, when My Mother moved in we immediately went to the County Senior center to take a look and I arranged her to go 4 days a week. So she does get out doing that, and it allows me not to worry about her during the day while I am at work. My problems with me is the evenings, I work all day and once I leave, I walk in the house and there she is in the chair. Thoughts like what to have for dinner, how much time do I have to sit there with her. My husband tries to help and we have been going out to dinner alot just to get away from the situation. The result of that is more guilt for leaving her at home with a dinner for her that I threw together. So you see, she does go out during the day T-F but that really does not affect me as I am gone out of the house too. I feel sorry for her that her own daughter feels this way but it does not change my feelings.
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What about you getting some help from a pastor or priest or counselor, sounds like you need a place to vent out-loud and maybe hit a pillow or something. I know it may sound nuts but you are not!!! Your past is creeping in and there is a reason you had a hands off approach before.. A lot of problems in the past that maybe you need to deal with from your youth... I'm there right now with you .. I have many many issues with the past and have to shove them aside to help with the present . My poor husband gets the brunt and wrath because of this when I'm here and not with my parents Don't let it get you. You are allowed to have your feeling what ever they are and for what ever reasons you have. Don't let your come and go sibbling make you feel bad.. Your doing what you can with the situation given to you but I would look into finding someone to help in person.. and here
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