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He knows the neighbor is taking financial advantage of him by having my uncle fill up his gas tank $60 or more when he takes him to his doctor appointment, plus lunch - car is a pick up truck and doctor appointment is 10 miles away. He borrows money and does not pay back and borrows things and does not return them and helps himself to things inside the house. My uncle told me he puts up with this because he does not want to make the guy mad since he takes him to the doctor. Now his reason is he takes him to the cemetery 2 hours away, which also includes gas and a nice lunch. Last week he wanted to drive my uncles vintage car, which was discussed with the neighbor when I was last there, that it was not to be driven. My uncle ended up putting new tires on it and spent 5 minutes at the cemetery. They went to a restaurant which the neighbor wanted to go to and my uncle did not eat much as he does not like sea food.

I had made a chart of other places that would give him rides, but he does not want to make his neighbor mad. He is taking meds for aniexty issues so meeting new people is very stressful for him. He considers this person as the only one who will help him. Our families live in different states and we visit about every 6 weeks. What can I do to prevent this person from taking advantage of him?
I am going to set up a home care provider to come twice a week as company and to help with errands.

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This is a hard situation for you. My neighbours take advantage of me, too. I'm here to deal with it, and still, sometimes I'm at my wits end to figure out how to make them stop with their sense of entitlement. If I put my foot down about something, I'm risking animosity, even revenge, and maybe a visit from the authorities. This guy in your uncle's life is a thief, but for you to point that out could create a situation dangerous for your uncle. I took care of my mother for 25 years, living with her. The last ten were pretty consuming, most of my time spent protecting her from vultures and parasites, not always successfully. I was able to work in theatre, as the work was mostly at night, and there I met and knew well a famous hairdresser who never owned a car,but rather, hired a cab for every journey. It sounded extravagant, but he convinced me it was much cheaper than having to worry and deal with everything involved in owning a car, from having a place to park it to having a place to fix it. Nice story, eh? but what does this have to do with anything? To the chase, then. My advice to you means taking control of his expenses. It's a major commitment, but then you could allot funds for taxis and maybe get the money from liquidating that cherished car, even if you buy it now from the estate rather than waiting for the bonehead neighbour to smuck it up and leave a wreck for the family to fight over. As well, in my province, if the driver of the car isn't the insured driver, the car is not insured. Anyway, somehow you have to shut off the tap of money to the neighbour. Maybe you can take responsibility for sending him a cheque every two weeks for his limo service. That way you can eliminate the meals, at least. And have a taxi on speed dial in case his vehicle isn't convenient. As for getting him to stop raiding your uncle's fridge and garage, you have to convince your uncle that this guy is creating anxiety. Getting that point across to the neighbour, though, may involve telling him that he acts like a thief. Or a parasite. One day he may claim he was a caregiver to your uncle. Well, I really feel for your situation.
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This is a hard situation for you. My neighbours take advantage of me, too. I'm here to deal with it, and still, sometimes I'm at my wits end to figure out how to make them stop with their sense of entitlement. If I put my foot down about something, I'm risking animosity, even revenge, and maybe a visit from the authorities. This guy in your uncle's life is a thief, but for you to point that out could create a situation dangerous for your uncle. I took care of my mother for 25 years, living with her. The last ten were pretty consuming, most of my time spent protecting her from vultures and parasites, not always successfully. I was able to work in theatre, as the work was mostly at night, and there I met and knew well a famous hairdresser who never owned a car,but rather, hired a cab for every journey. It sounded extravagant, but he convinced me it was much cheaper than having to worry and deal with everything involved in owning a car, from having a place to park it to having a place to fix it. Nice story, eh? but what does this have to do with anything? To the chase, then. My advice to you means taking control of his expenses. It's a major commitment, but then you could allot funds for taxis and maybe get the money from liquidating that cherished car, even if you buy it now from the estate rather than waiting for the bonehead neighbour to smuck it up and leave a wreck for the family to fight over. As well, in my province, if the driver of the car isn't the insured driver, the car is not insured. Anyway, somehow you have to shut off the tap of money to the neighbour. Maybe you can take responsibility for sending him a cheque every two weeks for his limo service. That way you can eliminate the meals, at least. And have a taxi on speed dial in case his vehicle isn't convenient. As for getting him to stop raiding your uncle's fridge and garage, you have to convince your uncle that this guy is creating anxiety. Getting that point across to the neighbour, though, may involve telling him that he acts like a thief. Or a parasite. One day he may claim he was a caregiver to your uncle. Well, I really feel for your situation.
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The less favors the neighbor does, the less he will expect or be able to ask for, so yes a caregiver agency may be able to help.
I have a customer I visit 2 hours away, my car is more gass efficient than a truck and I spend close to a tank, about $60 on the round trip. If someone was giving up their day to take me on a 2hour trip I would offer lunch.....just saying, unless uncle is poor, or if neighbor is ordering sirloin, it is not abusive.
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Chauffeurs around here, Western NY, are about $30 per hour. Figure out which is cheaper. A four hour round trip to the cemetery would be $120 at least. Unless you can move closer to him and do the transport, let it be.
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That's our plan but right now he says he's not ready to leave because his wife just passed a few months ago.
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Tough situation as you live so far away. I know how it is. My advice to you is to move your uncle closer to you to avoid the neighbor.
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