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Hi....My dad has COPD and decided to go on Hospice about 3 months ago. He is not passing anytime soon. He decided he just didn't want to have to go to the doctors anymore and was content never having to leave the house again. It's a long story. Anyway, my dad was very independent and was managing by himself. A couple weeks ago he fell a couple time and went downhill mentally and physically. Again long story. My dad now needs 24/7 care. My sister lives an hour away and I live almost 2 hours away. We both have careers and have since taken turns staying with him and taken care of him. We have had to take several days off work. We also discovered my dad doesn't have any money to get assistance. Between his pension and Social security he does not qualify for Medicaid and Medicare is not going to work either. He wants to stay on Hospice care. He does not have enough money for private help and me and my sister will go broke if we have to pay for his care. It's crazy. The only option at this time is for him to move in with me and use what money he has to pay for care while I am at work. I am a single woman who has a successful career. My dad is doing much better and can probably go on for another couple years. He is currently in a hospital bed in the middle of his living room with a catheter. How am I going to do this? I am so scared, angry, resentful, sad. I have been trying for years to get him to move closer to me. He always said no. Now he is moving in with me. And to find out he has no money set aside for care. How am I going to do this? Deb

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If you are already burnt out, this will kill you, please rethink having him move in with you.

Try to find a facility that accepts what he gets or a VA NH.

I hate to sound harsh but he has no right to ask you to give up your life because he is done living his. I'm surprised that hospice accepted him if he has no terminal diagnosis.

Best of luck.
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DebJoy65 Aug 15, 2018
He has COPD final stages and they consider that a terminal illness. Medicare pays for it. He had to agree to no longer seek treatment for his COPD and be home bound. My mother did the same thing. She passed away 4 years ago but lived a year and a half in a hospital bed on Hospice. My dad cared for her also. But now my dad is in a hospital bed and doing pretty good. He may be like this for years. I did not know his finances were so bad. I am now trying to enroll him to get VA benefits for some additional money to get care while I go to work. I’m a bit angry because he chose to live the rest his life like this. He now has no responsibilities. Everyone now does everything for him. He is frail and does need care. But.... I am just complaining. It will be very challenging for me to care for him. I’m hope I do well.
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My dad is officially moving in in 1/12 weeks. Until then I am juggling work and having to drive almost 2 hours to get to my dad's. I only get to come home for 2 days while my sister is taking care of him. I don't have time to get my house ready for him. I am so tired and burnt out already. I am so very sad.
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Where is your dad located?
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DebJoy65 Aug 13, 2018
Rockford IL
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Thanks for the info. about Miller Trust. I am in Illinois and not eligible. I am now in process of trying to get help from the V.A.
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Miller Trusts are only available in 20 states. Check to see if your state has Miller Trusts. A friend spent $500.00 going to an elder attorney to be told it wasn’t available in her state. She could have googled for free and got the same information.
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What Barb just said while I was typing.
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No, no ,no ,NO!

You get dad to an eldercare attorney and set up a Miller Trust. It will allow him to qualify for Medicaid.
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