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I agreed to move in with a friend to care for her , she has MS. Im just learning about the disorder, she is a kind friend that Ive known for about a month. First of all what to expect from a female with MS, she is mid 40's? and she takes a really long time to get ready but seems to forget that. I pick her up at ten to leave we end up leaving at 12noon. How do I tell her she is imposing on my time to do other things? She also has allowed me to stay in her place rent free, however I work and go to school and cant be there for her 24/7. What are your suggestions will this living arrangement work or not?

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WRITE IT DOWN. Work it out together if she is still mentally capable of doing that. List both your expectations and sign it together.
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You and your friend need to have a heart-to-heart right away about what her expectations of you are and what your availability is to her otherwise this arrangement won't work out.

Find out exactly what kind of caregiving she needs and how often she needs it and then figure out if you're going to be able to provide that. Since you've only known her a month and already you're living in her house rent free in exchange for caregiving I wonder if you've considered what it takes to be someone's caregiver. You work and are in school and those are important priorities. You may not have the time it requires to care for someone else. When someone has an illness like MS or when someone is elderly they often can't just get up and get going like most of us can. It's a process that can take hours and that's not unusual. Since you live there and are her caregiver can you help her get ready in the morning?

It's not uncommon for people to agree to be a caregiver and then once in realize that they've bitten off more than they can chew. You obviously care about this lady and wanted to help her out but it's OK to reconsider. The people we care for usually become our first priority (often to the detriment of ourselves) because they are so needy physically and emotionally. You have to work and you have to finish school. You probably want some time to yourself as well so that places your friend at #4 on your priority list.

Opting out is always better than going on out of a sense of duty or obligation. If you do that you will only come to resent her and make yourself miserable. But if you made a deal with her and you're living there rent-free you need to either give her the care she needs in exchange for rent or move out.
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if were on my time , helping you , ill be orchestrating the process .. im probly helping you cause you dont plan well or take care of business from the beginning .. bailin you out ..
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when someone is on my time im a tyrant of sorts . ie ; helped betsy and her son and exhusband look at a nonrunning motorcycle last night . every time any of them would reel off into another subject id get rather brisk about it . this was a combined effort to fix the bike and anything that broke the concentration and team effort got an ass rippin from me . at a point betsy and ex were chasing a mouse inside the garage . no . absolutely not while im trying to help you ..
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If you work and go to school, you're not caring for her 24/7. If you've only known her a month, you're providing services in exchange for rent. Frankly, this post makes me very sad...that someone with MS has only a relative stranger to help her. Still, it may be the best she can do.

To answer your specific question re telling her she's imposing on your time to do other things, tell her to call you when she's ready to go. If she sets an exact time, call her an hour before to see if she'll be ready. And then tell her to call you when she's 15 minutes out . . . or however long it'll take you to get there. I'd imagine, with MS, some days are much better/much worse than others. It may be that you'll have to hang relatively loose when it comes to taking her places.
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It seems to me that you two need a written agreement that covers what you are expected to do in exchange for rent. It should outline how many hoursof care, transportation, etc you are expected to provide. This is just common sense when there is an exchange of services. Otherwise there are going to be misunderstandings and hurt feelings. As to the "being ready to go" part, you need to discuss this with her. Her disease may wax and wane, have her explain what her limitations and prognosis are and get literature from MS related organizations.
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