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I have had the chance to take a test to get a different job with more opportunity for advancement and pay raises but cannot do it because of taking care of Mom. I would lose my FMLA status. Don't get me wrong, I love my job.

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A few years ago my Dad asked me if I would retire from my career so that I could drive him and Mom whenever they wanted to go..... in turn I asked Dad if he had quit his job to take care of his parents..... his answer was no.... I rest my case.

I bet if I was a male instead of female my Dad wouldn't have asked me that question. I never was blessed with children so I devoted my life to my career. I need to add to my retirement fund because no one else is adding to it. AND I have no one to call if *I* need a ride when I get older.
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Patrice, thats OK. We all do what we have to do. Just that out of 4 kids, I'm left with all the responsibility for Mom. My brothers don't even call on a regular basis.
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Sorry hit the button too fast....
Today i don't think I would quit my job due to the economy. So many people unemployed it is so sad. My sons who graduated from an Ivy League school with degrees in nursing still have not been able to find a job. I would keep the job, try FMLA, etc but don't think I would just quit.
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JoAnn you are right and what I wrote sounded harsh. That was not my intention. I have been very very fortunate that i was able to be a stay at home mom and had my first child at 30 and my last at 37. My uncle and grandmother both needed care and dince i was the only sibling that did not get paid for the job I did, I was the obvious choice to be the main caregiver. Without the support of my family and sister none of this caregiving would have been possible . My parents had the funds to pay for outside caregivers when I needed breaks, time with my children and just another aet of hands. Like I said I was very fortunate. Sorry I came across the way I did
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I don't think anyone would leave a parent high and dry. We r lucky that we have resources now that weren't available when our parents may have had to care for their parents. Our parents will be gone one day. Me, I'm retired and taking care of Mom will not effect me financially. I was 36 when I had my youngest. When I'm 80 she will be in her mid 40s. My other daughter early 50s. I don't expect them to give up jobs, promotions, years served for pension or contributions to 401ks to take care of me. I do expect them to be there if I need them. Help me find help. The elderly have to stop being told they can stay in their own homes. It may not be possible. We all have to plan ahead. Things r not going to get better in this country. U r lucky u have a job, I can't see giving it up.
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Sometimes I don't think all we do for our parents is recognized and that is actually what allows them to stay where they want to be. On the other hand, you do what you have to do. My parents wouldn't have left me high and dry and I will not do that to them.
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Here are some things to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose, over the years, between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary, it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance; loss of money being put into social security/Medicare; loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k); profit sharing; etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]

My sig other turned down a promotion that would have required us to move across country leaving behind my parents [who are in their 90's and who still live on their own]. I had asked my Dad what would happen if sig other and I did move. Dad said "oh we will manage". Good grief, what world is he living in?
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You all have to consider your futures. Your parents won't be here forever and you don't want to be where they are with no money. Social Security looks back 35yrs only when calculating your benefits. So, if in that 35yrs you have taken 10yrs to take care of a parent it will effect what you receive. Do u want to work till ur 70? You may not be able to if u have health problems. Do u think our parents want us to wreck our future caring for them?

The next time a parent is in the hospital/rehab have them evaluated. If found they need longterm nursing allow Social Services to help set up placement. Medicaid is more likely to pay if done this way. Once in the facility, visit often to make sure they are getting the appropriate care. The facility should keep u in the loop of everything they do medically, if they fall, etc. If not, they are in state violation. In the 60s the life expectancy was 65. I should be dead. People are living 20+ years beyond this. Most need somekind of help. Modern medicine is great but the mind seems to be going before the body. Its not easy for me having Mom here. I did for her and Dad most of my life. Being the oldest I had the responsibilityof the younger ones. As an adult I made myself available for them. My brothers, not so much. I have quit a job to take care of an infant because my 15 yr old got pregnant. Wanted her to finish her education. For 20 months watched my other grandson five days a week. Then this happened with Mom. I'm tired of being "the one" and taking care of everyone else. I'm only into six months of this. It has gotten easier sort of. :-).

I really feel for you all. But, you need to look after yourself. Get all the help u can even if the parent doesn't like it. I have someone who comes in and showers Mom 3x a week. She then dresses her. Something I don't have to do. Don't allow the parent to call the shots. Tell them what u do is out of love and u need help. The right help will put up with the abuse. They should know how to handle it. Got to allow yourself to step back. Even our parents had their kids in school six hours a day.
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A lot of folks like me have had to quit their jobs to take care of their family members. In my case, I have had to quit my job to take care of my mom. Occasionally I will see ads for jobs and wish that I could apply for them. Not too long ago I came across an ad for a Rehab Manager position and wish that I could have applied. Ah, yes, but wait! This is more important. This is family! One day when I look back I will never regret passing over a job or a promotion, but what I would regret is not being here for my mom and taking care of her. Everyone is different though. That's just me. Family always comes first.
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I have reduced my client load about 1/3 and may have to cut that again. I'm self employed so there is some flexibility, but that comes at a huge cost since I have no FMLA no sick time, no vacation, no benefits etc. I only get a paycheck when I am actually working (aftwrwards). If I cut down clients, I cut my pay.
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You don't say how old she is, dementia, Alzhemiers? No other siblings? Does she have assets where she can move to a care facility? If u can better ur job, then u must be young. I would take the test. Then I'd check out by contacting your Office of Aging to see what options you may have. You need to take care of yourself. Good jobs you like are hard to find. Make a list of pros and cons for the new job. Sometimes a promotion is not always ur best bet.
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