Follow
Share

I am so mentally exhausted and no one appreciates what I am doing for my mother and grand baby here in my mother's house. I have been caring for her solo for 5 years now and do everything for her except wipe her bottom. I also help immensely with my little grand baby (taking her to daycare, bathing and babysitting her, feeding her) all of things her mother should be doing now that she is unemployed. She lets my son do it all which I think is so unfair. Of course he is stressed out as am I with so much responsibility. I am thinking of telling my mother and the home health nurses who only come here once a week that I have to leave for a while. But I am so afraid my son will start on his drinking binge and his baby and my mother will be neglected. My mother has outlived all of her assets and only gets a small pension from my deceased father. I receive a widow's benefit which barely meets poverty standard. Further, my mother refuses to leave her home. Any helpful advice would be wonderful. I have crying spells everyday, depression and anxiety. Thank you and God Bless all caregivers posting her on this wonderful website.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You cannot elect a POA at all. You can make suggestions, but your mother must make the decision.

I really don't see that who is POA is the crux of your situation. Isn't the problem really more about who does all the work? Who pays their fair share?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

God bless that poor baby!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

They look at everything and if she won't cooperate, mom won't get Medicaid. As far as who claims her on taxes the parents have to agree on it. The IRS will bounce the returns if they both claim the child. Your son needs a child support agreement in writing if he intends to claim the child.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Pamstegman: thank you for your reply. Grand baby goes to sitter's house 3 days a week and son pays for this care as GF is unemployed. Will caseworker look at GF's unemployment check as contribution towards mother? (GF (mother of baby) cares for her 2 days a week. She is not looking for another job currently and is living off my son and me. Also, Gf was claiming baby as tax break. Can my son claim baby this year since he is paying for majority of baby's needs? Thank you again.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Social Worker and Caseworker are the same, yes. GF living there part time? Who watches the baby when she is in school? Medicaid will look at the entire family household income. Certainly they will help your mother, but they will also expect everyone to contribute. 25% each, 4 adults, split the costs 4 ways. The social worker will be very careful not to make grandma a cash cow.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you for responding. My son and his baby and girl friend all live with mother and me in her home. To Pamstegman: Is caseworker same as social worker? There will be a social worker coming to mother's home to talk to me about applying and eligibility for medicaid. Mother is not senile, has mild dementia. I have an older brother who refuses to help financially or otherwise, so I am sure he wouldn't want the burden of assuming POA. Who else can I elect as POA? To GardenArtist: Thank you for your reply. I like your suggestions for the girl friend to make a list of responsibilities that she can help with since she is living here part time and does not pay for food or rent. Girl friend is also going to school studying to become LPN. She should be helping as she is getting knowledge for her future career. When I or my son try to talk to her she fusses back and shuts down and leaves to go back to her mother's house. This is a very dysfunctional family situation with unresolved circumstances. Thank you again for your suggestions and help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

To answer the main question: Can I turn over POA to my son. The answer is no. If mother is of sound mind, she can appoint a POA. If she is senile, only a Judge can appoint someone, a Guardian, to manage her affairs. Contact Mom's caseworker and tell her you are moving out and they will have to take over.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Adding that the text of your post doesn't necessarily speak to the question of "turning over" the POA to your son. Generally I think that would depend on whether or not you have that authority under the POA. And if you did, is your son in a position to accept it and carry out his responsibilities, especially if he's had a drinking problem?

I'm assuming that your mother is not in a medical or mental position to execute a new DPOA or medical POA?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This may sound harsh but I intend it to be sympathetic.

First, stop babysitting the grandbaby. Why isn't your daughter doing this is she's unemployed? And if she's unemployed, why is the child in daycare?

I don't know what you mean by letting your son do everything, yet you're apparently also doing everything. Could you clarify?

Is your son living with you as well? Maybe it's time he found his own place, especially if he has a drinking problem. Being fearful that he'll drink again is allowing his potential abuse to control you. He needs to create a life of his own, as does your daughter, who also needs to take responsibility for her child.

Is your mother capable of leaving home but just doesn't want to? Are her medical conditions such that she is confined to home, or has difficult getting out (i.e., in a wheelchair, etc.)?

If I understand, you, your daughter and son (or son-in-law?) and their child are all living in your mother's house? If so, your daughter needs to step up and help out with your mother.

Make a list of what needs to be done, ask her to indicate what she'll do and don't let her weasel out of it.

I think you've fallen into a situation in which you're the central care person for others and are headed for more mental and physical health issues if you don't make some changes now. I know it's hard to be so firm and adamant with family members, especially if you have a caring heart, which you do. But in the long run, if you don't take care of yourself, the others won't.

Take care of your mother and let the others find their own ways unless they're going to stop exploiting you.

Again, I don't mean to be harsh but it does anger me to read about how you've been used and abused.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.