I am so mentally exhausted and no one appreciates what I am doing for my mother and grand baby here in my mother's house. I have been caring for her solo for 5 years now and do everything for her except wipe her bottom. I also help immensely with my little grand baby (taking her to daycare, bathing and babysitting her, feeding her) all of things her mother should be doing now that she is unemployed. She lets my son do it all which I think is so unfair. Of course he is stressed out as am I with so much responsibility. I am thinking of telling my mother and the home health nurses who only come here once a week that I have to leave for a while. But I am so afraid my son will start on his drinking binge and his baby and my mother will be neglected. My mother has outlived all of her assets and only gets a small pension from my deceased father. I receive a widow's benefit which barely meets poverty standard. Further, my mother refuses to leave her home. Any helpful advice would be wonderful. I have crying spells everyday, depression and anxiety. Thank you and God Bless all caregivers posting her on this wonderful website.
I really don't see that who is POA is the crux of your situation. Isn't the problem really more about who does all the work? Who pays their fair share?
I'm assuming that your mother is not in a medical or mental position to execute a new DPOA or medical POA?
First, stop babysitting the grandbaby. Why isn't your daughter doing this is she's unemployed? And if she's unemployed, why is the child in daycare?
I don't know what you mean by letting your son do everything, yet you're apparently also doing everything. Could you clarify?
Is your son living with you as well? Maybe it's time he found his own place, especially if he has a drinking problem. Being fearful that he'll drink again is allowing his potential abuse to control you. He needs to create a life of his own, as does your daughter, who also needs to take responsibility for her child.
Is your mother capable of leaving home but just doesn't want to? Are her medical conditions such that she is confined to home, or has difficult getting out (i.e., in a wheelchair, etc.)?
If I understand, you, your daughter and son (or son-in-law?) and their child are all living in your mother's house? If so, your daughter needs to step up and help out with your mother.
Make a list of what needs to be done, ask her to indicate what she'll do and don't let her weasel out of it.
I think you've fallen into a situation in which you're the central care person for others and are headed for more mental and physical health issues if you don't make some changes now. I know it's hard to be so firm and adamant with family members, especially if you have a caring heart, which you do. But in the long run, if you don't take care of yourself, the others won't.
Take care of your mother and let the others find their own ways unless they're going to stop exploiting you.
Again, I don't mean to be harsh but it does anger me to read about how you've been used and abused.