I am an only child of an 85 year old dad and an 83 year old mom. Approx. 1 month ago, my father was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. My father has hearing aids, but still has a very hard time hearing. He has always seemed with it, but within these last weeks, he has seemed more confused and not quite remembering like he used to. My mother can hear better than my father, but sometimes misses things. Her memory is terrible. Believe me when I say I know they are both stresses and lost more than you know. I am trying not to stress them out more, in fact, I am trying to help them. My dad says, I am there ears, eyes and mouth, so I am trying to be that, however my mother is fighting me on everything. She is flying off the handle all the time (but it is only at me) and for ridiculous things.
Just for a quick explanation: we were at the hospital today, the dr gave us a drawing of what he did during the procedure to my dad, when we got back to the waiting room, I had a bag that I was carrying everything in, his teeth, his hearing aids, his glasses and a couple of items I had brought for my mother. I said let's put the papers in the bag so we can keep everything together, just in case you set it down and/or misplace it. I put them in there, about 5 minutes later she got up and went to my bag and I said what are you doing and she said I want that paper and I said Ok, I just thought we would keep everything together in one spot so we don't.., well she stopped me right there and went off, saying my name loudly and telling me she could not take this anymore, I am making her crazy and what I'm doing has to stop. I was like, I'm sorry mom what did I do, I was just trying to keep, "forget it, my name again, I just can not take this, I need you to stop. Now there was a coffee table like in between us, so I said under my breath, wow what did I do and again I guess it is all my fault and she went off again and then started crying. About 10 minutes later I went to her and hugged her and said mom we are going to be fine. Dad got through this today, he will get through it next week and she kinda pushed me and way and was like what are you talking about. She literally will fight me on anything. Our first appt at the oncologist when he was diagnosed, the dr explained all the stages and said my father was Stage 1, however it is a very aggressive surgery and it does kill. He also said at Stage 2 it has started to spread and Stage 3-4 it just continues to get worse. At Stage 1 they can do this surgery, after Stage 1 this surgery is not possible and we would have to move to plan b. I found out approx. a week later that my mother had been telling people my dad was at Stage 3. I told her that dad was only at Stage 1 and she said as she pointed to herself that when her and my dad were at that appt the dr told them Stage 3, I said mom, I was at that appt and he is at Stage 1, he can't do the surgery if dad is past Stage 1 and she was like I have no idea what you are talking about and she gets very angry.
Last week they had an appt and she said it was at the drs office, well no it was at the hospital and he wasn't supposed to eat or drink after midnight, she was certain and very serious that they had never told her that and that it was in fact at the drs office, until I told her for again and then she got so angry she gave the phone to my dad. This was approximately 8:00-8:30 am, that evening she did not remember this at all and said she must not have been there. She told my boyfriend of 16 years, that they love very much, that she was not leaving me the house or anything because I owed so much that they would probably come take the house and everything else. She was extremely angry with my dad for having me check their health insurance and making sure it's paid. She was also extremely angry at my dad for giving me his social security card. It is as if she is competing with me and/or thinks I am out to get them and steal from them. My cousin was there the other night with his wife and he said not once did she have any symptoms that would have made him think she was losing her mind. I said well it is obvious she doesn't like me, because everything I say or do is wrong and she is playing my father and I against each other. My father never hears my end of the phone conversations so she will tell him (cause I hear her yelling when she is passing the phone to him, "she is hysterical, she is going crazy about this drs appt tomorrow, I can't take it anymore, you deal with her". This is what my mom tells my dad.
So I am obviously the problem causer and I can't get anything right and I need to be much nicer to my mom". Well my cousin has witnessed this and he said I just need to grin and bear it, but today I almost missed the procedure because they gave me the wrong information. This is going to continue to get worse and I seriously do not know what to do, where to go. Thank you! This probably doesn't make sense