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By that, I mean food, meds and water. Husband is post cancer patient. Can't swallow and making very slow progress. I am his total caregiver.

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Wendiq, bring in Hospice for an evaluation. If he doesn't want this, nobody can force it on him. So sorry.
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Wendi, sorry to be so blunt, but if I recall correctly this was raised in your other post, and I see it's still an issue.

I think you have basically 2 choices: continue to allow him to refuse to help himself, or back off and force him to help himself....given that hiring someone is not an option.

Being even more blunt, he could be manipulative, could be an old time chauvinist, could be depressed...or there could be other options, including that he's lost interest in life.

And along the blunt line, continuing to subdue your own needs is going to cause you to end up like others here - if not angry, possibly depressed, possibly ill with your own health problems, possibly feeling trapped... and other undesirable reactions.

Do some searching on caregiver burnout and read how others are losing their own quality of life, their health, their desire to continue caregiving, and sometimes even beyond that to being consumed by negative thoughts and depression. Is that where you want to be?

I would imagine it's difficult to change the ways of an old fashioned man who wants his wife to wait on him w/o contributing to his own self care, but his compromised health demands he assume some responsibility and balance out the care load.

I think seeing some kind of counselor might help reinforce the need to view YOU have the same need for care that he does.
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My husband is of sound mind, but he refuses to help himself....guess he's old school. But what has happened is that I am delaying all my needs in order to take care of him and it's beginning to catch up with me. I would hire an RN as I've been told by several care agencies that that is the only one that could do this service, but it's just too expensive.......it is not paid for by any insurance......
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Wendi, does your husband have dementia or some other kind of impairment that keeps him form being able to help himself?
I think all of us singles who care for someone vulnerable worry about what would happen to them if we suddenly become ill or unable to be there for some other reason. Although I have a sister an hour away my fallback has always been the local hospital, and from there most likely a nursing home, in either a respite or crisis bed.
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Yes, GardenArtist......I guess that is still my concern......I guess I didn't word it properly. I know how to use the tube, but my concern centers around the idea that I am not a young woman and I honestly have put my needs to the back, but I really do need to take care of a couple that will mean an interruption in my ability to do the tube feedings. Unfortunately, family does not live close by and nobody else wants to do this.....I do have to adhere to a very strict schedule in order to administer all the food, water and meds. I realize this might be a hopeless situation and I may just have to live with it. Guess I just wanted a little sympathy.......sorry......
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Wendy, what is your question? You posted earlier when it appeared as though you were concerned about the actual tube feeding, but it seemed from your last post that your concern was more about what would happen to your husband if you became unavailable. Is that the gist of your question now - options for your husband given your financial situation and the possibility of your not being available to care for him?

(Earlier post:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-to-tube-feed-198476.htm)
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I should have added that resources are not sufficient to have help or out of home care....
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