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within reason. As you all know I have my young kids, disabled father, need a job, and care for my grandfather who doesn't live in the same house. Either way I stay at night with grandpa ( unless my job is at night whole new issue if that happens)

8-12 hours a night with grandpa and during the day at least 2-3 hours total off and on ( lunch and dinner). He says hes fine but Mobility issues for one is a big issue..

If 12 hours a night, I only get less than 2 hours a day with my oldest child, cook dinner, help with homework etc.( Considering school starting and me a day time job..) My youngest usually is with me , oldest wont go with us at night. Grandfather benefits by having me there, of course I benefit knowing hes ok and we get a little extra time with him. Of course during these evening hours, hes asleep most of the time!

So 8 hours, I get more time with my oldest and dad, and more cleaning done at my home. But, less time with grandpa and worrying if hes ok.

At this point, I have totaled the cost of home care at various prices and hours, and for the amount of care he will soon need after I work and go back to school, the nursing home will be the same price!!!

What is fair of me and for all my family? I dont want to complain so much, and I get tired and frustrated, but then I think, " One day he wont be here, and I am lucky to be able to spend time with him" And I am lucky in that way, but if I dont get on my feet and spend time with my kids now, I fear my relationship esp with my oldest will go downhill. She needs me too even though she doesn't think so!

You all told me to prioritize and figure out a schedule before, so Im trying and need some honest answers as you all always give me please!

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Sorry Eyerishlass, sometimes I write and forget to respond ( I write too much.. or well complain too much). Anyways, I agree and have been going over and over the best times for everything and everyone. My schedule seems to be literally counted by minutes and how many it takes to get to point " a to b". . I was talking with my daughter just now and I have been here for school mornings and late at night to help them, do laundry, put away their food, spend time. Well, they still cant adjust to me being gone so early in the evening ( 6:30pm until 6:30am) plus off and on during the day. So, Im going back to the drawing board. It will all change again once I get a job!

I just dont know how many hours total in a 24hr day I should really give to grandpa? 8,10,12hrs? He will have to hire someone ( Oh did I mentioned I am doing something for me and volunteer again which I LOVE to do?) So more hours taken out but I will be with my kiddos too! Win win!!!

Thanks again!!!!
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You need a clone.

Sacrificing our own family for our elderly family members is, well, a sacrifice. Yes, a schedule is always good, for us and for our elderly loved ones, but before a schedule is made a priority list might need to be figured out.

From what you've written if you're with person X then person Y doesn't get attention and if you're with person Y then you're worrying about person Z. I think Pam's idea about your dad and your grandfather sharing a room is a good one. There's only so much time in a day and your health and the health and well-being of your kids is very, very important.
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sunflo2- Sometimes it seems as if Im not doing enough for anyone in my family. Its hard, I wish there was more of me!! I have tried to get at least my grandfather to get more help but he refuses to pay anyone because Im not working yet and he is trying to save money for us when he dies. Also add" He has been alone all these years and is still ok, just a few issues" he says! Uggh really?

I think only if his Drs point blank say he HAS to have 24 hr care, there is a chance he will listen? Ok, maybe not. I know, I need more time with my kids and I will contact the Senior Center to see what they say. Yes, Im a single mom.

pamstegman- I thought of us all living together as did my grandpa and dad, the problem is my grandfather and dad barely get a long and the longer the minutes go by, they always fight. I dont see my grandpa qualifying for AL anyways, his heart, mobility issues and being blind, he would need more care. And my dad cant do any lifting ( even when my grandfather stands up out of bed or his chair sometimes he relies on us to help " pull him up") my dad has told him this over the years and my grandfather replies" oh god, you believe everything drs or people say" well, my dads heart valve has ripped worse over the years, and this was another reason ( besides other lifting or just natural issues) my dad is worse. My grandpa thinks he is the only one who the Drs tell something to what he can and cant do!
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Is it possible Dad and Grandpa could share a room at an Assisted Living facility?
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Wow. I'm no expert and couldn't manage what you are managing.

My advice would be to make an appointment with your local senior center director or staff nurse or your local center for aging. Tell them your story and ask them for advice.

They may be able to hook you up with some resources or options to help ease your burden with dad, grandfather or both.

You are sacrificing an awful lot with your family in order to spend time with grandfather. This isn't their sacrifice, so consider the risk that when grandfather or dad dies and you have free time, your kids won't be around. They need you now, especially if you are a single parent (?) -- so please consider some help or assistance, even if dad or grandpa need to move into a group home or other care facility.
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