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My Grandparents are my everything. My Grandma, however, has polymyositis (medical definition: a persistent inflammatory muscle disease that causes weakness of the skeletal muscles, which control movement. Medically, polymyositis is classified as a chronic inflammatory myopathy — one of only three such diseases.) She was prescribed a medication for it, and after 10 years, the medication caused her cirrhosis (she's never drank a drop of alcohol in her life, wouldn't even step into a Pizza Hut one time when there was a Bud Light sign lit up in the window!) The cirrhosis eventually turned into cancer. They were able to remove the cancer (praise the Lord) a few months ago. However, due to now not being able to take her medicine for the polymyositis, the pain in her legs is quite constant and she can't walk other than maybe to move herself from the bed to a bedside potty my Gradpa made for her. She REALLY needs in-home care. But, my Grandpa--being the wonderfully amazing man he is, refuses the suggestion. He and my Grandmother are, literally, the epitome of a true love story. HE wants to be the one to care for her. HE wants to be the one to make sure she gets the right meds. HE wants to do the cooking, the cleaning, the bathing, the cleaning up after she soils herself, he wants to do it all. He says that he "took his vows seriously, and said I DO in sickness and in health," and he's honoring those vows. They've been married a littler over 60 years, and there aren't any two people I've met who are still in love as much as they are. So, he becomes very defensive and protective whenever we suggest getting custodial care. My Grandpa is in good health, but with my grandmother's diseases...the can't lift herself and walk because of the polymyositis, and he can just barely lifter....but she is quite heavy as the fluid coming from her cirrhosis accumulates on her stomach making it swell. We are terrified that he's going to think he's Superman and continue doing absolutely everything on his own without asking for help, and then end up hurt, or sick, himself. Any suggestions on the best way to present something like this to him? Her medications are astronomically expensive...and of course they do not qualify any kind of state assistance (don't even get me started) so he fears having to take on absolutely anything associated with an additional cost. And, I won't lie, the cost of custodial care is quite discerning to us as well. I work with Medicare Advantage plans, so I'm pretty familiar with the majority of Medicare services, but as you know, LTC is not one of the benefits provided by Medicare. We are all very stressed---all aunts, uncles, grandkids, etc.--as none of us have had to go through this before and don't know what our next steps should be. They have been receiving in-home health care for just the past few weeks (doing skilled nursing/rehab with her after one of her many hospital trips) but that ends very soon. So, any advice, direction, suggestions--whatever--I'm open to them all and any help is appreciated!!

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Why don't you and your parents pay to have 24/7 nursing care for your Grandmother and pay for her medications? That way your Grandfather can get relieved of his responsibilities...
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Perhaps the family can get together, set up a calendar and each person take a few hours each day or week to help Grandpa, especially during those times of the day when help is most needed. Is someone preparing meals for them?

This could lead into to having outside help at home, once Grandpa realizes they really do benefit from extra folks being around. There are just all kinds of ways to ease this burden.
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