We found a very nice apartment in a memory care wing of a complex. I thought great, dad can get care, and his wife of 60 years can be with him and he with her. Of course neurotic mom will not have it. She will not be living in a place in a memory care unit, even though there are several couples in this wing that are doing it even though one spouse needs care. It really doesn't look any different than the plain assisted living floors, with the exception of a lock to prevent residents from leaving the wing alone. My mom could have a code so she could come and go. She could also take part in social activities in the independent living part of complex. She doesn't drive, so stores nearby to walk to. Now I have to drive her all the time to see my dad in a nursing home which I hate and don't want my dad to be in. He seems so alone. I would prefer his last stage of life is spent in a comfortable apartment with his wife. Still, she could leave, even go back to the house for a couple days, just a mile away, to get it ready to sell. She's not stuck in there. She could even take little getaways to visit her grandkids in other states and my dad would be taken care of. I believe she is so selfish for not being willing to do this. I have basically told her if she is not willing, she can forget about me giving her rides all the time. A friend suggested I just move my dad into the apartment, and my mom would visit and eventually get used to idea of staying there. I am so upset with my mom's selfishness over a vanity thing. Her own mom was widowed at age 60 after having been born and lived on the same farm all sixty years. She had to leave that home to move to the city to get a job to survive. That seems scary. My mom is being petty. Any ideas on how to coax her?