Trying to get mom to go to the lawyer about POA when she feels bad. What should be covered if I get her there?

I am sorry for all the stress you are going through. When I first came to this site I had put in my profile, "caring for someone with age decline" That turned into alzheimers/dementia. I don't know if your mom has this issue but she clearly needs help. First things first, get the Powers of Attny. Have it cover all things, if you must have another perhaps your brother if he is able to do this, otherwise it will be you. Get this done now. I understand that power of attorney can cause issues with the bank, which is primarily why I got one to not have issues with them, but I do a lot of research and read a few articles as in "why do I have power of attorney and am so powerless" It opened my eyes to the problems of having power of attorney. Some banks give you hard time with this document and if you had been paying bills on line for your parent, they won't issue a debit visa card to you, so you are stuck. Then if social security is direct deposited it becomes a huge issue, social security does not recognize power of attorney, you must become a payee. It opens up a pandoras box of problems. Me I am getting my enduring power of attorney enacted but will keep the bank out of it and just find a way around it. Good luck with mom.

Dear Kateivy, your profile mentions that your Mom has depression. When she asked you what you found out "to get her out of this mess", what was she referring to (not having POA's done yet, or getting her something for the depression)? Is your Mom on anti-depressants? If not, I think the first order of business would be to get her to a doctor and on meds for a few weeks to make sure her spirits are up enough to the task of entertaining a visit to the lawyer. If I were you, I would arrange an appointment for after lunch, and take your Mom out for lunch that day, and then drive to the lawyer's office. If she objects consistently, I would be very gentle and persuasive but firm, and explain that if she does not appoint you as her representative legally, none of the doctors or hospitals will let you make decisions for her care (even though she may have already made her wishes known to you), and they might make decisions she would not like (like keeping her on life support forever). Tell her she just has to sign papers legally giving you permission to carry out HER wishes.

Unless you have specific questions in mind, you will not need to tell the lawyer what to cover with your Mom, except to determine which documents are important to have in place. One of the things the lawyer will do is sit with her privately and ask some questions - I think primarily to determine her 'legal competency' to choose and sign any legal agreements. My Uncle was concerned what the lawyer would ask him, so we went over basic things he already knew, like DOB, age, day, month, year, address, President, political affiliation. I think he was overly concerned, because my uncle said he was just asked very basic questions that were really easy to answer, like some of the above, and some family questions. I'm sure the lawyer will see that you want to act in your Mom's best interest and will try to prove competency so she can proceed. The usual main douments are the Will, DPOA (financial) and MPOA (medical), but there may be others suggested depending on your family financial circumstances. It is customary to have the MPOA and the DPOA be the same person. Some POA documents also specify a successor POA as well. I think the MPOA (medical) is extremely important to relieve you of tough medical decisions down the road. It is much more comprehensive than a Health Care Proxy. The whole point of doing the MPOA is to have the elder person make their own voluntary decisions (while still able to do so) about how they would want to be cared for if they became terminally or irreversibly ill and were given 6 mos to 1 yr to live. It is so much easier to have this kind of thing on paper, rather than struggle with excrutiating decisions later on. As you say, grab the chance to get this done ASAP, while she is still has her wits. Maybe persuade her with a promise to go shopping or a movie, or ice cream afterward. Good luck!!

thanks for your insight orange blossom Mom has been on meds about 3 months. she
had surgery last week she seems to be more self involved . She had MPOA in hospital 2 months ago really worried about POA durable for finances. Thought she would be getting better not worse . Tried to take care of medical issues first but not enough family just me and brother who is disabled himself to do everything else. Been so involved with daily survival of getting thru each day. Mom had been so independent this was from left field not much warning signs, just some stomach issues . No depression before this episode.....VERy Independent and TOO PROUD to ask for help...NOt that there seems to be much available with all the CUT BACKS on programs. Not much going out except for doctor appointments ...Mom never was one for going to the doctors she pretty much stayed away from that and lived life working hard all her life.......I thought it was exhaustion not a BREAK DOWN.....How Nieve I was. ..

Thanks Madeaa for your thoughts. REally a tangled mess either way and drs. and
lawyers don't seem to want to deal with mental ill people you become a third class citizen and so does your family. My Mom has brought up some interesting points as well so her thinking is cognizant at times. She does get upset if she can't remember WHEEL OF FORTUNE PUZZLE FROM THE DAY BEFORE...she is testing herself. And usually gets even the hard puzzles she is worried about meds she is on for depression effecting her thinking.