Trying to care for combative grandmother. Any ideas?

It sounds to me like 2 things need to happen.

She needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist to assess her mental health, dementia and mood.

There needs to be found a better facility for her (who assessed the conditions at the place she resided previously?)

Thanks for all the responses. Yes, she was being neglected at the home (filthy room for example) and Covid complicated things. She couldn't receive visitors for months. Then she tested positive although asymptomatic and the home refused to take her back after two weeks without many positive tests. Before that she called my mom constantly crying about how scared and lonely she was.

Adding to that my parents were retiring, moving out of state (I already live 1000 miles away) and she would be left with zero visitors. I just couldn't bear that...long story short my parents are putting a trailer on my property where they will live with her and I will help out. I live in a separate cabin with my husband and kids.

In the past month she went from the home to the hospital to motel rooms on her travel here, and now we are all in a large rental home until the trailer is ready so yes, she doesn't know if she is coming or going for sure.

She is bored and restless but doesn't have hobbies or want to do anything so not sure how to occupy her time.

I look forward to checking out the suggested resources here!

Your profile says you are a homeschooling stay at home mom. Do you live with your parents and also grandma all under the same roof? Perhaps it would be best to find another nursing home for grandma. It’s not going to get any easier.

Often, what sounds good in theory turns out to be a nightmare in reality, especially where dementia is concerned. My suggestion is to watch lots of Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to learn all about how to deal with dementia patients, and then read all you can on Alzheimers.org about what to expect, how to prevent your grandmother from wandering at night, getting into the chemicals and asphyxiating herself, reconfiguring the kitchen so she can't cook, and about 100 other things as well. There are SO many things to learn about dementia care, it's such a huge undertaking that most people discover they can't handle it inside the home. That's why Memory Cares are popping up like flowers everywhere......as people live longer and develop Alz and dementia, placement becomes necessary.

My mother lives in a Memory Care herself. She is SO argumentative and contrary, it's impossible to even carry on a conversation with her. So a weekly visit is more than enough, and a daily phone call to check in. She gets great care there, and I get to keep my sanity intact, so it's a win win situation.

Wishing you the best of luck dealing with a difficult issue.

Sometimes when elderly people are bored or confused, anxious, they get irritated. Make a list of things she likes in order to occupy her. Maybe magazines with pictures, or music, movies, puzzles, interesting stories, fold socks etc. Take her for a walk to the corner for some air etc.
((Hug))

Was there an issue with her care at the nursing home?

I suppose she is having difficulty understanding the situation.

How was she doing at the home?

Why did you want to remove her? Why did the folks agree? Caring for elderly is a 24/7 job that you have now signed up for. How long have you been doing this?

You will need tons of patience, perseverance and fortitude to say nothing of love to be able to care for her. And don't forget a thick skin. Know she doesn't have any concept of what she is doing or saying.

Try playing her favorite music, old movies, have photo albums around something that you think she will enjoy. It will take time to figure out what will work for her and may change from day to day. Help fold laundry?

Good luck, you have your plate full.