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My mother was not kind to me and my sister growing up. She threw my sister out at 13 and was mentally abusive. I moved out and never looked back 2 weeks after I graduated high school and created a successful life for myself and have a great family. Paid my way through college on my own and never asked anything from her. Out of a sense of obligation, I have stayed in contact with my mother but she hates kids so my children never really considered her a grandmother and contact was minimal (she met them once) she was just the woman mom calls once a week who rants about how other people messed her life up. I have also helped her financially when she really needed it including paying for her cell phone and bill. Everything was getting a bit repetitive but her complaints never changed because she lives alone and holds a grudge. Starting in January she walked five miles from her home and called the police claiming I had driven to her home 7 hours away in another state to break into her house to steal her purse. I did not and she found her purse later. She called the police again claiming both my husband and me broke into her house sold her a fake cell phone and stole one of her credit cards. Yesterday, my aunt calls threatening with the police once more for our thefts. My husband is a peace officer and I am an author who works from home. We have not seen her in 10 years because she doesn't let people in her house and she refuses to visit us. We are not thieves, yet she has taken out a warrant and 'has the police' looking for us. She is asking we be charged with grand theft and B&E. We have done nothing wrong. Can we walk away before she ruins our lives? Are we legally obligated to help her? Adult services in her state have done nothing about her living situation of pure squalor and with her current accusations we want nothing to do with her.

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Good outcome! I am happy for you.
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Thank you for all of your help. The police are on our side and she has apparently moved in with an uncle so I can walk away. They can call the police until they are blue in the face. We have committed no crimes. You can take out a warrant in Jefferson County KY on anything you want but you have to swear a crime has been committed so her threats were taken seriously by us. Nothing will come of this and I will live my life and there will be a lot less people at her funeral.
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It would seem to me that your being 7 hours away would be in your favor! I am sure you can account for 14 hours of time ( to there and back) and shut this down pretty quickly. I would have hubs call the police in her area and let them know what is going on, and let Aunt know you are doing this. They both sound batty to me. Good luck!
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As said your husband is in law enforcement. I think his word would be more believable than hers. Yep, u drive 7 hours to steal a cell phone. Does she have a landline then she doesn't need a cell. Is your Mom considered low income? She can get a Safe Talk. The phone is free and you get 240 min a month. Paying for extra yourself. Four hours should be enough to make short calls and appts. Call the authorities again. Tell them she needs to be evaluated for Dementia. Sign her over to the state.
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SurroundbyCrazy, you mentioned that your Mom has called the police on several occasions and so has your Mom's sister. Had the police ever made any contact with you or your husband regarding these claims? Or was it just Mom and her sister saying that they did?

If there has been no police contact with you, then Mom and Aunt are in story book mode due to dementia or some type of memory issue.

Here is a good article which has 160 comments attached. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/How-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm
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I think she might have dementia of some kind maybe.
Just have zero contact and dont let her even know your whereabouts ie living etc .
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Even if your state has filial law responsibilities, those are generally not applied when there is a history of abuse. The worst that could happen would be making you responsible for some financial help. You could not be made to have contact with her, answer her phone calls, etc. Seeing a lawyer might set your mind at ease.
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Are you still paying bills for her? If yes, give her written notice that due to false accusations you find it in your and families best interests to cut any/all contact and as of 30 days from receipt of letter, send certified, return receipt required with signature. You will no longer be paying for, whatever you pay, and will be shutting off services. This gives her time to replace and shows good faith on your part. Tell her how sorry you are that she believes you and husband would do anything to harm or harass her, denying the allegations in the kindest of words. Ask her to no longer contact you or any of your family members in any way, shape or form and send a copy to the interfering enabling aunt as well. Parents have no rights to our adult lives, especially someone like your mom.

In AZ, if I send you a letter, can prove you received the letter, and you do not in writing dispute the letter within 30 days the law considers that you consent that the letter is truth. Something your husband could check for your state.

You have gone above and beyond trying to be a good daughter for this woman. You can wash your hands of her with no guilt or remorse and don't let anyone tell you different.

God bless you for all you have done for her. It was more then she would have done for you.
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First, your mother has apparently done this before, so there will be a record of the January call, the subsequent call of an alleged B & E, and any other calls she's made and those of your aunt, if she's actually called and isn't just threatening.

Secondly, police are experienced in dealing with such a wide variety of people that they probably recognized the complaints for what they were. And, they would require proof, a critical element for issuance of any charges.

Third, presumably the complaining person would be your mother, and now your aunt. Credibility and validation of charges by each of them would be required by the police before taking action. They aren't going to just "take someone's word" that an alleged crime has been committed.

Fourth, how close geographically are you to her?

Fifth, what is the physical evidence of the alleged B & E? Broken door, lock, window? If these existed, the police would find the evidence and photo it.

Sixth, you state that she has "taken out a warrant". If I remember correctly, a warrant is NOT taken out; it is issued by law enforcement. An individual can make a complaint, the police investigate, and if appropriate issue a warrant. I will state though that my criminal law experience was back in the mid 1960s, I'm not current on criminal law, but I don't think individuals can "take out" or "issue" a warrant. I do realize though that people often confuse terms of criminal charges, although it seems that someone who raises the issue of grand "theft" (or larceny which I think is the correct term), is aware of the distinction between theft and grand theft (which if I remember correctly is a function of the value of goods stolen).

Seventh, your mother is angry and is harassing you, for whatever reasons. I can't help wonder what her other physical issues are and whether or not there are some mental ones which are behind this vindictive behavior.

Is your aunt helping to care for her? If not, is she getting any help including from professionals who can better assess her tendency for apparently false accusations?

Eighth, can you walk away? Most definitely. That choice is yours. However, it might be appropriate to get a quick consultation from an elder law attorney on whether or not your state has filial law responsibilities, to ensure that you're not obligated to continue to provide financial support.

Out of curiosity, are there other siblings in the family? If so, what are their roles and relationship with your mother?

Ninth, the issue of living in squalor could be addressed by a county health department, but I would stay out of that b/c you would probably be blamed. I think it would factor into the legitimacy of her complaints though, especially claims of theft when it's probably a challenge to determine what might be missing from the home.

Tenth, I would consider pre-emptive action by contacting the local police, explaining the situation, and raise the issue of the poor living conditions. Some authorities may automatically consider that a mental issue, perhaps lowering the credibility of her charges.

Eleventh, if you want no more contact, then take action to notify her that you will no longer in fact have any contact. Ask an elder law attorney what kind of notice might be best - i.e., certified mail, notification by police during the investigatory process, etc.

Lastly, your husband apparently is in law enforcement. What's his take on this situation?
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