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I left country 5 months ago for my healing journey. It has been better than perfect! You can find my previous posts. I lived with my mother and was caregiver for several years. She fell last summer sustaining a sub dural bleed. Siblings moved in taking over out of guilt mostly, I believe. The situation became ugly. One particular vile brother turned her against me. He is a sick human and needs pity. He asked me in an email how it felt to know I would never see her again and that she did not want to see me!

I was evicted, scorned and treated so ugly that most people I tell the story to are appalled, as it is almost hard to comprehend. Six siblings stuck together. Not one came to my aid because they were ALL guilty of neglect when it came to her well being, leaving it up to me solely. I was t nothing to do with any of them, ever!

I have had a joyous journey, but now I return home which I dread. I think she is still alive. I cannot decide if I should try to see her or assume she is gone, since that was my acceptance 5 months ago. I have shed tears, over her, yet was fortunate to have so many happy, joyous moments meeting lovely people and being in happy places.

I keep asking the question if I should try to see her, but I truly do not know. She had a brain injury, as well as dementia. I just do not know how she will treat me and I feel I need to protect my own feelings. I do not plan to stay in area long, and will not attend any funeral services.

Ideas from anyone?

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Interesting responses. All so far seem to lean in the same direction. So very hard to think about not seeing her, but you are probably right. I feel her days are really numbered and suprised she is still alive. She was not suppose to live this long from what her GP had predicted. I think she is a tough old bird!
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Your mom has dementia, making it very difficult to manipulate her to hate you, as she may not recall you or who your brother is, and if he succeeds, in a short while she will forget. If you have already made the break and are in a good place do not go back, she will know in her mind that you loved her. You will only have to say goodbye again.
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radiator, pamstegman has a good idea about sending a card and letting the rest go. But if you think about it, you ARE NOT the bad person, are you? You know the truth and it is not what your lying brother says. I know it hurts when bad people seem to triumph, but over the years I've learned that over time, things get corrected. You were able to care for yourself, and have a life ahead. Go with that. I suspect brother's nasty ways will catch up to him.
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That is what my head says. My heart says different. A doc I saw here out of the country says I should see her if she is alive...just to hold her hand which sonds all nice. But I think you are right about the old wounds.

I plan to leave the area for good, once I get back and reoriented.

What really stinks is that she is of the belef I am the bad person, since my evil rich, controlling brother, isolated her and groomed her. He showed he my angry emails, but has no idea all the lies, name calling wnd threats I endured. Not sure it matters at this point as I never had a fighting chance.
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Send her a nice card for Mother's Day. Leave it at that. Try not to re-open your own wounds, you are healing and seeing her at this point would be a bad setback for you. Keep moving forward.
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Oops, got sent without me finishing. The psychotherapist and I talked about forgiveness and I said I would never be able to forgive sibs. He said that was okay. Been reading more about that lately. Being out in the world you meet amazing people. I am grateful of my journry. I was a wreck when I left. I am better. This is why I ask the mighy question? I do think she still remembers me from what a friend said when she visited her 2 months ago. But she also said her brain was tainted from sibs!
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Hi frequnt flyer!
Sadly, I think they have done little. My spies tell me they put her in assisted living, so once again, they let someone else do the dirty work at the tune of 7000k a month. I got nothing but grief and my career shattered! I heard also trom confidantes, that i believe they were trying to figure out where I am! Maybe they are killing each other! They do not have me to pick on any more!

In my travels, I met a psychotherspist and his wife, who I spentba day
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radiator81, so happy to read that your journey was successful and so very positive :)

That's a good question, whether to see your mother again or not. I checked one of your previous postings, before you left on your journey, after caring for your Mom for 20 years, and that life wasn't easy.

I would be afraid that all the bad memories and scorn would resurface after you were able to put them aside. It could be since your mother had dementia, she might not even know you at this point in time.

Wouldn't you have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the siblings took over the care of your mother. Bet they were all in for a surprise, and now are probably thinking how in the world did one person have the physical and emotional energy to take care of their mother. Have any of the siblings tried to reach out to you?
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