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Mom had a colon operation. She says last week she didn't have the binder. And wound got infected. And that they are making her walk. She says she is a mess. Rehab nursing home calls me and says she has been wearing binder. But they were afraid of the wound might open. The doctor prescribed a cream that eats dead skin. And she is supposed to get operation for decision of wound. Staying in hospital one or two days. I told the home personal aid that works for mom once a week. She wasn't alarmed by the operation. Mom is extremely negative. She tells me my brother can't read. Read the instructions to him. Not, he has a lot of trouble reading. Help him if he needs it. That's an example of mom.

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Yes. I'm still here. I'm doing pretty well. Mom isn't asking me to visit or calling me. So that's one pressure not there. I call her once a week. She is being taken care of in a good facility. So thats not a worry. Just concerened about her wound and how much help she will need once she goes home. The woman who works for her once a week said she would care for her weekdays. And maybe her niece could do weekend days. Hopefully it will work out. Mom doesn't like her niece cause she was late the two days she cared for mom before. Then insisted on coming a third day to make up the time even though mom didn't need help any more.

Barbara
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Barbara, are you still with us? How are you doing?
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1) No, the truth is not halfway between. Your mother has her own reality at this time. Doesn't make her a bad person, but does make her unreliable.

2) This is not your problem. Mom is in a licensed facility with staff that knows what they are doing. They are caring for her. They are getting paid to do it. They were trained to do it. Let go.

3) Limit your exposure to Mom at this time. Keep phone conversations short and upbeat. "Mom, I'm on my way out the door but I wanted to quick give you a call and wish you a good day. ..... Sorry, Mom, I don't have time right now to talk about your walking, but I do know that is standard procedure. Research shows it is really best. But I have to go now, Mom, my ride just pulled into the driveway."

REALLY. You need to continue to take care of yourself. You can't change the outcome of your mother's surgery, or her level of cooperation. Read that over. YOU AREN'T IN CONTROL of what happens to you mom at this point. She is in good hands. Step back.
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Barbara, I was sitting with my mom in rehab one afternoon; her nurse had just given her her afternoon meds, told her what each one was for and given her juice after each one.

Mom looks at me, with the nurse still sitting there. "You know, I have to take my meds all by myself", she said to me sternly. I asked what she meant. "no one helps me manage my meds"; she pointed, with a "significant" look in my direction, at her water pitcher. "All by myself; NO help".

I looked at nurse Nancy. Who shook her head no. I didn't argue.

So, Barbara, I agree with Pam; just as your mom was disoriented in ICU, she's almost certainly disoriented in Rehab. YES they are making her walk! I hope they made her walk in the hospital as well. Walking after surgeries of ALL KINDS is the norms these days. Bed rest causes blood clots, muscle contractures and bed sores. You might say that bed rest kills!

I'm sure that your mother thinks they are trying to kill her by walking her; mine certainly did! In our mother's day, you lay in bed for a week after a normal childbirth; 2 weeks after a caesarean. And major abdominal surgery? You stayed in bed for at least 10 days. And there were all sorts of complications from that. Assure your mom that getting her up is the right thing to do.

So no, the truth is not halfway between. Talk to the Director of Nursing at the rehab and find out what's going on. Tell her that your mom is confused about what is happening, and that perhaps it needs to be explained better to both you and your brother so that you can reinforce what is actually going on.
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Do not believe anything mom tells you. Talk to the Head Nurse on her floor. Make sure mom signs the HIPAA form for you.
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