Trustee going through all papers even old bills and lock boxes for info and asking for all medical records, is this ok?

Mustang, did you call the police and file a report? You can't do this alone.

If you can trust the trustee, wanting all papers may mean they are just doing their job. If not, they may be trying to siphon off funds for themself. And the monitoring of phone calls and interference in medical care sounds like overstepping...it might not be if the parent is appearing terribly overmedicated though, or if they were ordering stuff from QVC by phone or what have you.

Keep copies and document everything you hand over. It may not be easy to catch an untrustworthy trustee and get them removed and/or prosecuted, so in case that's what's happening, make sure you give yourself a fighting chance.

And, at the same time, make sure your reasons for suspicion are well founded. The sheer number of papers that may be needed just to process a Medicaid application can be overwhelming. I don't think I found "all" the important papers in my mom's house for a couple of months, and had to do a bunch of online research and phone calls as well, and stop several minor league scams that were sucking significant dollars on a monthly basis. And, someone does need to bring stuff to them to make the assisted living apartment nice and homey and full of good memories, that is absolutely legit.

So the bottom line is - be careful - be watchful - document - BUT don't interfere with things that really need to be done!

I disagree about the role of the trustee. The role of the trustee is simply to see to the financial matters of the trust. If a member of the family is not available, the court will most often appoint a banker or lawyer to do the job. If a guardian is needed, that is a separate matter. I know this because I am trustee if my mother becomes incapable of managing the trust. However, I also have POA and DPOA and health care proxy. She has signed all the forms for me to take over everything when needed. I go with her to all her financial planning meetings, I'm on her checking account (and if Mustang's Mom put her on her checking acct, she probably wanted her there). Mom wanted me there so that when something happened to her I could get the family down quickly.

I also go to all of Mom's medical appts and manage her meds, but I do that because I'm her caregiver, not because I'm trustee (right now, Mom is still trustee, I will only take over when she can't, but I'm well aware of the duties).

Mustang, at the point when your parent and spouse were making their plans for their later years, creating trusts, appointing trustees, nominating POAs and so on… Where were you?

It just strikes me as suggestive that at no point, it seems, did your parent attempt to get you involved. Yet plans were made, arrangements put in place. Were you estranged? Were you abroad? Were you at daggers drawn with the now deceased spouse?

I am very uncomfortable to have formed this suspicion, even, but from what you have told us it does sound as if you have arrived rather late on the scene and are more concerned about your own - perhaps your generation of your part of the family's own - interests than in your parent's.

And equillot: the trustee does not have a right to decide whether or not the person should take prescriptions, but he or she does need to know what they are. And given the context, with feelings running high and perhaps immoderate views being exchanged, it isn't surprising (though I agree it isn't ideal, either) that the caregiver of whatever description is anxious to keep track of contact with the vulnerable person.

Mustang, please go and sort yourself out and come back to us with a coherent account of what has happened, who is fulfilling exactly what role, and above all what you are aiming to achieve. Nobody blames anybody on this site for feeling heartsore, angry and hard done by by their diverse and complicated families. But what matters is a) the wellbeing of your parent and b) peace of mind for you. Please do come back. And I apologise in advance if I have misunderstood.

Sorry, unless this person is a doctor, they have no right to decide on their own whether or not they should take prescriptions. Also, listening in on phone conversations goes beyond what is proper. It sounds like the trustee (who is apparently Not a guardian or conservator, is trying to take control of all aspects of this persons life, even though they are not related in any way. Possibly a money grab? Red lights flash all over this to me.

This sounds very much like the trustee or DPOA or whoever this person is thinks there are people taking advantage of this person and further thinks this person which you interesting fail to refer to as dad or mom (yet a parent) is being over-medicated

You have absolutely no power. Doesn't even sound like you're related. Know when to fold 'em, I say. You've said nothing that indicates this trustee has anything but the best interests of the person at heart.

Too bad about the knick-knacks.

Mustang1, sorry but you need to get your own Elder Law attorney if you think the Trustee isn't handling this correctly.

Apparently there is a good reason the parent is now going into a nursing home. The fact you are complaining about room for *knick knacks* tells me there is a lot more this story.

By the way, the more a relative interferes with the Trustee, the more it is going to cost in administration fees to answer all the complaints.

Is this a Trustee, a Guardian or a DPOA? Which is it? Very important differences. If you suspect something fishy, call the district attorney.

they left papers at parents home stating that the papers were Power of Attorney when the papers say that this person was successor for trust and only that grand child was handed papers with the explaination that they had power of attorney but this trustee is really getting the whole family furious because they have parent over at their home and refuses to let parent come home except to get some belongings but states will not leave parent at home because not leaving alone but adult grand child lives with grandparent so not alone I think this person on power trip

If you can't schmooze the trustee (which I'm assuming is the Power of Attorney and not court appointed....?), then relax. Realistically, there's absolutely nothing you can do. In your list of grievances, though, I fail to see anything rising to the level of OMG.

no trustee is friend from parents church and parents spouse really fixed everything up "great" for parent, parent cant touch trust because former trustee wanted to toss my parent in nursing home and return house to bank and clean out same and the hell with the kids of parent.now neww trustee is taking belongings out of home and states they will be taken to ALF Its making me sick that this is happening again because both former trustee and new trustee are friends and talk about my parent probably daily and former trustee was making parent ill enough to have to go to hospital just from stress

Mustang, that trustee is now accountable for what happens to your parent. Every cent, every possession, every housing decision or prescription - the trustee can be called to answer for what has taken place. They need to know everything.

The trustee is your step sibling, is that correct? And do I further gather that there are, um, longstanding issues between your step-parent's children and your parent, or your parent's children, or both?

What outcome of all this are you hoping for?

If Medicaid was paying for the nursing home they are trying to recover those expenses to the extent possible. They are looking for any transfer of property to others, or money spent by others that was not used for care and needs of the nursing home resident. You should google "Medicaid Estate Recovery Program" for regulations in your state. All property transfers and money spent in the past five years is subject to their scrutiny by law. You may need an attorney.

Also New trustee state child should not have access to parents financial information or have name on accts that it is inappropiate which is bull in this day and age how am I supposed to help when trustee throwing me under bus

well parent has Social Security and small retirement and thats it and the trustee has had parents mail forwarded to trustees address and parent spouse passed away this past Nov. and the first trustees were trying to toss parent nursing home so they could get the trust money for payment and give back home to bank and throw everything out even the stuff parent wants to pass on to family and others but trust wasnt valid but couldn't just drop it and parent spouse not blood reltive to me but did want parents "brats " having anything to do with anything that had spouses name on it. parent put vehicle in my name along with parents so if anything happens it goes straight to me.

Yes, in order to bet a clear picture of the financial situation they need to see history as well as current information.

We have a conservator that is trying to put together a budget of sorts, but she has omitted vital information, such as monthly income and contribution to household expenses by a spouse. Why so much incomplete information? Because conservator is lazy!