I left my job in another city to move in with my elderly Mom to take care of her. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister living in the same town . I was the only one who could live with her and be her caregiver as the siblings had families and jobs. Mom was provided with Hospice care and I did everything for her at home. She passed away at home 3 months ago. I had been living with Mom for 5 years. My frustration has to do with my sister who my Mom appointed as executor of her estate. By the way we live in California. Mom has 3 houses in the trust that are paid for and I live in one of them where I took care of my Mom. Mom did not specifically put my name on this house but she told me I could live here as long as I wanted. My sister knew that but recently decided to sell ALL the properties. It’s all about the money of course. Stupid idea! So siblings voted and it was 3 against 2 to sell. Since I am of retirement age I now have to find a job again and a place to rent. Not easy when rent is stupidly high in California.
I am still grieving and no longer speaking to my sister. Can she just legally ask me to move out or does she have to give me an eviction notice? I always heard stories about families falling apart when it comes to settling a trust but never thought it would happen to us.
"As you can imagine, what your Mom "said" to you about any of this has no meaning legally whatsoever."
"Your post here serves as a warning to others doing care for free, living without a job history and in the home of someone who has made no arrangements to protect them. Hopefully others will heed this warning."
This is why it's so important to get things in writing! it's also a good reason to get paid for caregiving as you do it, and not hope for payment at some point in the future.
Yes, your sister is the executor of the estate. She must settle the estate according to the dictates of the estate as written by your Mom's own Trust and/or Will. You have currently no idea what the will/trust says. Likely it dictates that all properties be gathered and sold, all bills paid, and remaining assets divided three ways among the siblings.
As you never requested payment, help, rental from your Mother while caring for her over a period of one half decade, it is too late.
As you can imagine, what your Mom "said" to you about any of this has no meaning legally whatsoever.
It is also against your interest to be angry at a sister who was appointed executor (why Mom arranged things this way I simply cannot fathom, but there you are). She is the lioness at the gate. By law she must do as the Estate dictates, but it would be so much nicer and easier if you got along and worked together, and your brother and sister would feel so much more "generous " toward you, as well, I would think.
You didn't protect yourself over a period of many years.
Your post here serves as a warning to others doing care for free, living without a job history and in the home of someone who has made no arrangements to protect them. Hopefully others will heed this warning.
As nothing was done to protect anyone here I cannot imagine that you thought things would go smoothly. Your Sister is the Executor. She is beholden under the law to do as the will and trust say; that is laid at the feet of your Mom if she knew you were her caregiver, and given what she "said" to you, she did know.
Even if your bro and sis were to say to you that you can have more money , that would have serious tax repercussions for THEM as they would be "gifting" to you. Not something they are likely to do.
I am so dreadfully sorry. I hope others will know that when they take an elder into their home it is time to cover all contingencies/possibilities imaginable on day one in the office of an elder law attorney who will draw up agreements, make documents and take care of deeds and filings.
It is just too late. I couldn't be more sorry, because those words are some of the saddest phrases in the human language.
Selling them in not a dumb idea; it's what should be done, plus the market here is on fire and only going to cool off as interest rates continue to rise. Your sister is smart to get those houses sold, so you can get the money out of them and move on with your life. You can't do anything with money you don't have (if the house was to remain unsold), so that those proceeds, get yourself a financial advisor, and you may well be able to live off the income that money earns.
My brother has been living in my parents' house since just after my dad died and my mom went to memory care. This week he has to move out, because the estate sale is on April 30, and if he doesn't want his stuff sold, he needs to scram. He's had about three months' notice, and he's waited until the last possible minute to move and now he's losing his mind because he doesn't have a place to live yet (he's going to Airbnb it until his place is ready to move into), he has to put all his stuff in storage and live out of a suitcase for at least a month, and there are some family events going on this weekend, not the least of which is my son's wedding.
He could have avoided all this by being proactive, but here we are. Don't be him.
Sure, it's not fun to have to take the harder path, but I think you'll find that having the freedom to do what you want with your share of the money is much better than camping out in your mother's house for all time.
Don't get all pissy and demand an eviction notice. Just move out and be gracious about it. You wouldn't win an eviction fight anyway.
To look on the bright side...
How long did you want to stay living in that house? Three months is not very long to mourn, but the house won't sell by tomorrow. Maybe it is time to look for a job - which I highly recommend as a boost to mental health anyway - and a place to live that you really like and is a perfect fit for your needs as a free woman.
Your hand is being forced, but if it weren't... it's all too easy to get stuck and find yourself two or three years down the line, longer unemployed, aimless, depressed, possibly traumatised post-caregiving, and rattling around in a home you can't use any longer. This is an opportunity to grab.
And if you're anything like me, one bonus is that when it's all over you need never have any contact with this particular sister again. I can tell you what a relief that is, too.
#1 It *is* all about the money, but not in the sense of greed. Executor sister has a duty to distribute your mother's estate according to the terms of her will, and selling the assets is the easiest and least contentious way. It's a lot easier to divide a sum of money by five than it is to divide three houses, one of them indefinitely occupied.
#2 Your mother (I know you didn't say otherwise, I'm referring to some replies) didn't "promise you the house" or suggest that she would leave you this as an additional bequest; she said you could stay there as long as you liked. Mmm. Mothers can be a bit romantic about how sweet and lovely their children are to one another. No doubt she had in mind that your four siblings would bring you pies and allow you a decent interval to rebuild before you moved out. So, here we are, and executor sister considers three months a decent interval. I do think she might have made it twelve; but then again by the time the deals are sealed and the paperwork is done it may well be twelve months, and that would be within normal range for settling an estate.
I want to stress again how deeply I sympathise. The 12 months after my mother's death were... hideous, and made much worse and much more stressful by her joint executors (my brother and sister), and that without any real effort or malicious intention on their part. But here I am to tell the tale and I hope that before very long you too will be looking forward and glad it's all behind you.
In any case, if there are three houses in desirable coastal regions, that’s more than enough to buy or rent in most other places. Another man I know got evicted quite expeditiously after his mom passed. He bought a duplex with his half of the inheritance, cleaned himself and the property up, and is now living off the rental income.
Your share of proceeds from three California homes could set you up nicely in some areas of the country. Is there any place else that you have wanted to live? Now might be the time.
Let them sell everything and you take your share and start a new.
Unfortunately, your mother never changed the trust and anything she said verbally is non-binding.
I hope others reading this ensure that they are paid for their caregiving if assets are available and have any changes to trust/will in writing and notarized.
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