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Can't get my sister or brother to help with mom. Only time I see them is if they want something. Like holiday or birthdays. My sister lives 500 ft down the road and my brother 3 miles away. I've looked after my mom for 18 months now had to leave my job. When I ask for help their sick. Never knew anyone could be sick 24/7. So tired. I have 2 new grandsons I can't see them unless they come here. Daughter son was sent to WVU hospital after he was born. Had to beg someone to watch my mom. Finally got one of her friends that was 75. When my sister or brother show up I catch hell for everything. Mom has nothing but complaints. She hates the food I fix her. I went outside and left her. Yea to get the mail. Last time my brother wsd here he started telling me how to do things. Lost it told him unless he was going to help there was the door. Mom didn't speak to me for days. Don't know how much more I can take. Can't even get help from the state BC I'm a family member so we can't get help.

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You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Looks like your family isn't going to do it though! Are you going to a caregivers support group? They can help you figure out what kind of treatment is unacceptable. You need to arrange things so YOU will not be living in poverty in your old age.

Try talking to someone at your local Area Agency on Aging. (google it.) I bet there's a social worker who can help find services for Mom, so you can reclaim your old life.

Letting your mother verbally abuse you is bad for her soul or karma, so walk away whenever she starts. Don't defend yourself. Don't disagree. Just walk away, if only for a minute or 5.
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You could contact Social Services for mediation. Having someone else there outside of your family to discuss this with your brother and sister would take some of the pressure off of you and put it on them to come up with a solution.
If they don't think that you are doing things right, then they need to step up and take over.
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I am so sorry; it seems this happens a lot where the burden falls on one person for whatever reasons. All I can do is empathize and advise you to NOT do what I'm doing, because I am going on 7 YEARS. I'm burned out, I've lost jobs/friends, and I'm sick. People might think it's easy to have a loved one in a facility and in some ways yes, others no. I still have to drive to her daily. I get phone calls day/night. I have to sign off on everything being done. I'm financial and medical POA. I had to sell her house 7 years ago (70 miles from MY house), driving back and forth for showings/lawn care/etc. My sibs visit and that's always been the extent. I've always been the "strong, dependable nurturer." It's a role I took on, definitely not expecting a 7+ year and still going commitment. But it is what it is. I have beautiful memories, pictures from lots of previous activities we took part in at her facility. Trips out when she was able. So in hindsight would I do it again? Absolutely. Would I change things? Absolutely. I got so wrapped up in Mom that I pushed all my needs aside. Now near the end, I am so, so tired. I get migraines. Developed panic disorder. High blood pressure. And it's now she needs me the most. I went through all the stages you mentioned; she hated me at times, called me foul names, would ask for specific specialty items I'd buy, only for her to say she didn't ask for it. Hours and hours on computer looking up stuff for her. Seasonal clothing changes, nothing ever being suitable. I often wonder how I've done it for so, so long. But today, lying beside her in her bed, not talking but holding hands and the occasional glimpses of thanks and love in her eyes, I'm content in my decision. Time flies, it really does. Just please, also take care of YOU.
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Forget help from Sis and Bro ... ain't gonna happen. Don't dwell on it.

You are only in charge of your own decisions about your own actions. You did not "have" to leave your job. Your brother and sister didn't make such a sacrifice. You decided to.

You have made a decision that makes it difficult for you to see your own children and grandchildren. Your decision.

Your decisions are not immutably carved in stone. Here are some of the things you can decide now:

1) To continue with status quo. Devote your life to your mother's care. Listen to all of your mother's complaints. Hear all the criticisms of your siblings. Look forward to poverty in your own old age.
2) Continue to care for mother but with some new boundaries and rules. You get respite regularly during the week. You get a weekend off each month. Bro and Sis can visit mother but they are not allowed to comment on your caretaking. Mother pays for the respite care. It is expensive. It will reduce the inheritance available. Tough.
3) You resign from full-time hands-on caregiving. You find a suitable long term care facility for Mother. If necessary you work with the county human services department to figure out how to pay for it.

I would absolutely not be doing what you are doing. But you and I have different tolerances, different skills, perhaps different values. So if you decide to continue doing what I would not do, my hat is off to you -- as long as it is a DECISION and not something you are doing by default. And if you decide to make some changes? Hey, that is terrific, too.
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Curious if your siblings had to in the past suggested that Mom move to a higher level of care facility? That could be the reason why they aren't helping, as they don't want to enable your Mom to stay in her home. And not everyone can be a caregiver, some of us just don't have the patience or physical ability to help out. Some of us are senior citizens ourselves.

Enabling in huge when it comes to caregiving. I didn't realize I was doing that with my parents [in their 90's] who refused to move from their 3 story home into something smaller and safer.... why should they move, every time they called I was at their front door !!

Depending on how much care your Mom needs, maybe she could qualify to be in a continuing care facility, and Medicaid would pay.
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