Trips with declining endurance. Any advice?

TNTechie,

Of all that old stuff you have at your house, don’t you have a rocking chair? Just teasing. Just teasing.
Thank you for fleshing out the details more for us. Your enthusiasm for the trip is contagious. Life happens wherever we are and as much as I want it to be a perfect trip I will be happy when you are reporting on how successful it all was.
I swear you seem to be having the time of your life and wanting so much to provide that for others is inspiring. I’m glad the 18 yr old is onboard. Happy planning.

As to 8 yo viewing old houses: my grand-nephew just had to show my 9 yo foster son at least one feature of an old house... he asked the curator to open up the old fashioned "bed side commode" to show how the pretty slop jar is concealed. Now he likes to compare them - is the one in President Johnson's house as pretty or useful as the one in the Tipton-Haynes house? Or the John Sevier governor house in Knoxville?

Yes, he's 8 years old. And he knows more practical history than many of his teachers. I think it comes from hanging out with an aunt that has pedal powered sewing machines and organs and hand powered drills and saws and sausage mills around the house. My love of history and stories of how things were used and the men and women who made and used them are contagious... and I enjoy infecting the younger generations.

Asked 18 yo a causal question about whether he would be interested in traveling with the group over spring break and he said he would love it. Going to discuss helper role and his pay later when its just the two of us. I think it will work out. He loved the idea of getting some experience driving on the open interstate. My dad started pulling over after we got out of the city and letting me drive the interstate when I was young. This will be my second generation of continuing the tradition.

One of the things I will be teaching on these trips is staying safe in the big city by assessing risks, staying away from the unnecessary risk and being prepared for the ones you want to take.

For example, when coming back from the Ft Sumter tour with my niece I had the opportunity to teach about parking garages. Is the elevator bank safer than the open air stairs? Should you park your car near the elevators or stairs or out in the open? Do you use your cell phone or ear plugs when walking in and around a parking structure? Have you checked the back seat before getting in the car? Do you have your keys in your hand and are you prepared to plant them someone's face? Do you know where you will retreat if attacked? What you will use and where you will target if the attacker is larger or if there's more than one? Keep criminals away from you. If they grap your purse or a package and run then let them go. If they demand your wallet then pitch it away. If they come at you be prepared to resist; don't ever get into a car - fight it out here as loudly as you can (you have a better chance of help here) - don't let someone get you to a remote spot of their choosing!

Life is not about not taking risk. It's about knowing the risks and "stacking the deck" in your favor as much as possible. Fortunately both PA and SC are stand your ground, reciprocal permit states, which means if threaten I can legally respond with deadly force.

We won't be traveling in high crime areas after dark or even in broad daylight. We will be in some "tourist" areas where we need to be paying attention to our surroundings even in daylight hours. I am confident in my ability to keep my kids safe, and live with the consequences if I need to defend them.

The trip to Philly would have only one night destination- the river boat tour where I will arrange a cab to take us from the hotel and pick us up after. Other sites are the Olympia, wwii sub, maritime museum, liberty hall and dolly madison house - all toured during the day!

Charleston is a bit safer with the Patriots point museum with an aircraft carrier, sub, and destroyer and the middleton plantation. The last time I took boys there it took four days for them to tour the sites. They liked the river and carriage rides through the cane. Watching out for the alligators was fun too. The hundley will probably take an afternoon. There are malls around with good restaurants and movie theaters - very near where I intend to book our hotel.

I have traveled the US extensively and these cities before with young people. I assume security is worse now but believe with some help from current residents I will be able to chose safe locations and transportation. Or should I strike Philly entirely?

The boys are all fairly responsible (for their ages) and accustomed to obeying the boy in charge. Auntie is an auntie and just flatly refuses to take boys who are not interested in sticking to my rules. I only have to take them home once for them to learn that rule.

I intend to head for Charleston during spring break and Philly during the "no practice" timeframe for football in late June. Fun local day trips for the younger boys though the summer; their schedule is easier. They want to go to the zoo and aquarium.

The ships (and their guns) are unique enough to be fun for the boys, even at 8.

My spinal stenosis isn't going to get better. I drag my foot after walking a distance and there's pain if I go too far but for any reasonable duration I can still handle stairs and uneven ground. I think I could handle the trip alone now, but I don't want to find out I am mistaken while on the trip, so the 18 yo is a security blanket. Also, this might be the last chance for a trip with him before his own commitments close the door.

If you're concerned about doing this now, I guarantee you it'll be too much.

I have to agree with the assessments of Philadelphia as a destination. A cousin of mine who's lived there most of his life finally left this past spring, because he said the crime is absolutely rampant and unchecked. His partner was robbed at gunpoint while walking their dog, and that was the last straw.

I commend you, though, for wanting to take the boys on educational trips. When I was 11, my folks took us on what I term "The Trip from Hell," a six-week road trip from New Orleans to Maine to Montana and back to California, and while I didn't love it at the time (they failed to take into account my tendency toward carsickness), I do still have great memories of Washington D.C., Atlanta, and Williamsburg in particular.

We took our kids to Washington D.C. when the youngest was about 10, and he was mesmerized by the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum and my other two (then 12 and 14) loved the medical museum at Walter Reed. They also enjoyed checking out the cemeteries behind our hotel in Alexandria, and they had some appreciation of the Capitol, Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Monument, but that's because we specifically timed the trip for their ages when they were about to be or had just finished school years with U.S. History for their social studies classes (5th grade and 8th grade).

Honestly, I think the 8-year-old is not going to be very happy on either trip, and the 9-year-old probably won't be either. Is it possible to take the older two now and plan to take the others somewhere in a year, or at least take them somewhere closer to home and more kid-friendly -- and for a shorter duration?

As for your stamina, my aunt used to go on vacation with her daughters, and while she was in great shape and never needed a cane or a wheelchair, my cousins finally talked her into renting a wheelchair so they could cover more ground faster. These were all adults, however, and I'd be a little less inclined to have young kids trying to push me around town.

I applaud your kindness in taking these boys on trips. They probably love it (anything away from the parents is usually a real treat for them--my YD is childless by choice and has started taking the nieces and nephews on long weekends. She has a great time, the kids are so in love with the semi-independence that these trips afford. Of course, YD is only 36 and still raring to go. AND she lives in Santa Clara CA where there is so much to see and do!)

I think that you know your boys well enough to know if they're going to be responsible--you've done this traveling with them before. I also have some concerns about the cities and boys that age make really stupid decisions. I think Williamsburg is a great choice--history + a theme park! The 18 yo could probably navigate better with an Uber driver and you would be less worried.

I've never been to Charleston, so I can't weigh in on the relative safety. Philly by day is one thing, by night, when they would not be with you, is a little frightening.

It's really your call--you know the abilities and personalities of these boys. Can you trust them? Are they going to make some stupid decisions or will they recognize and respect YOU for doing all this?

TNtechie, I think offering the 18 year old a "job" is a great idea.

Legally he is an adult and judging from what you have shared, will be a great help to you and a good guardian for all the boys.

I don't have a problem with youngsters helping the family, as long as it isn't a daily requirement that hijacks their lives. They need to learn that everyone in the home and family contributes, that's how life works, that's what makes a family work.

When you ask the 18 year old make it clear that no is okay and even if he feels obligated he is not.

Buying a scooter is a great idea. Get one that goes fast, I can't keep up without hustling when my friend uses hers. Like faster then speed walking.

You are an awesome mom and Auntie. They are ALL blessed to have you.

Have a great time!

I don't think either Charleston or Philadelphia would be that interesting to teenage boys. And both cities have a lot of crime. Teens like things to do; not just sightseeing and looking at old houses, etc.

I would also rethink Philly because it's a crime infested hell hole. And crime in Philly has increased exponentially. No way would I let an 18 year old be responsible for 4 kids ages 8 - 15 alone like that in Philly. That's like letting them go off in Chicago by themselves. Chicago is another another crime infested nightmare of a city. I don't know about Charleston.

I have a different take on this. The 18 YO may be glad to get a short trip AND money as well, and it surely does not seem to me like you plan to let them Unattended for long,, just trips for meals while you rest. Probably near the hotel. And supervising them while you rest outside of attractions. I used to pay my neighbor at 16 to "help us out" on trips with DD, and she LOVED it! A free vacay and $$ !! Just approach him in a good way with the offer.. no harm no foul. Good luck,, you are a great Aunt and foster mom.

I’m very familiar with Charleston, have visited often, and have relatives who live there. It is crowded in the downtown tourist area almost all the time. Getting around on a cart will be difficult on narrow sidewalks with short blocks and various curbs, and expecting all those boys to slow down to your pace is a bit much. You might be better off to all get on a tour bus and sightsee that way if they don’t think that’s too tame. I wouldn’t let them go around town walking or driving alone at night as street crime is a reality as it is in all cities of that size. To go to Ft. Sumter, you can take a tour boat, but check into how you can get around once you’re there.

The whole trip to sightsee cities with 4 boys sounds like too much to me. Would they even be interested in taking such a trip? I'd take 2 separate vacays if it were me, one with the younger 2 to a theme park type adventure, and another with the older boys to a place they'd be interested in seeing. Then plan accordingly, for doing things YOU are capable of doing in a day, and that's it. You don't have to run yourself ragged in order to show them a good time, that's not necessary if you plan properly, and the eldest wouldn't have to be responsible for keeping an eye on the younger ones at all.

Good luck!

If it was me, I’d take the younger ones and the older ones on separate trips. They are ages that have separate interests and sleep needs. The 18 year old isn’t a bad idea for help with either group, but biting off taking 4 plus a helper is a lot. And, I’ll add, how kind of you, many kids need someone as interested as you are in spending time with them. They won’t forget this time and experience

Why not bring another adult along to help watch the kids with you?

Brave plan. My husband and & I use to take two of the grandchildren for a motorhome trip or cruise once a year. They had to be over 7 and two was our limit beyond that it would be beyond our physical or ability to handle from a stress level and neither of us needed assistance to walk or tour.

An 18yo boy would not be my choice as a helper for more reasons than one.

For me? Too much. Why not take 2 at a time, two since you are planning more than one trip.

Good Luck!

Does he already take them to functions around home on his own?

I think I would find it a bit worrisome to send him out at night in a car with so many in a strange city. Perhaps to a pool or restaurants in close proximity to the hotel? But then that might be close enough to walk. Without you they will look like a pack of boys. It is a lot of responsibility.

How about an interim day trip to test the waters? This could be a “rite of passage” as the boys mature.
I also think having to watch your little brother or grandma everyday of your life is quiet diff from getting to be “head boy” on a neat trip. It’s not that he should feel like he has to go. I would want him to want to go.

I see you as the stabilizing force but I don’t know the boys or how they currently interact. Is the 18 yr old a senior? Does he have a girlfriend? Are his break days the same as the younger boys?

He may have a hard time not being with his own age group on these important last days of high school.

There is a reason boys auto insurance is more expensive than girls until about the age of 25. There is more involved than physical stamina. I’m sure you know more about boys than I will ever know.

It is something to think about but I would also like to see you get a good physical and see if you can improve your health in the interim. You might also see if there are small tour groups the boys could be part of on the more strenuous portions of the trips.

I trust you TN to know the right thing. But remember you need to make it for the long haul. Don’t stress yourself out too much.

IMO 14 and 15 is plenty old enough to help you keep an eye on the two younger ones, and I wouldn't want a barely 18 year old to be the only one in charge without any supervision because no matter how responsible they normally are teen boys do stupid things when in groups.
I understand that many large attractions have scooters available to rent, is that an option?