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my mom is mobile, 72 years young. widow since 2011. live in home caretakers were not working as mom didn't want them there and doesn't believe she has memory issues. she was diagnosed with alzheimers and frontal lobe variant. she has hallucinations, delusions, agitation, etc. I was able to get her into a very nice memory care and rehab facilty. she thinks it is temporary and will go nuts when she finds out I put her there permanently. I have durable power of attorney. all family and friends support decision as safety was an issue. do I tell her or just delay. one day I wil have to tell her. we are close and live in same town

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Considering everything, I'd suggest that you avoid telling her for as long as possible. Letting her think that this arrangement is temporary isn't really going to hurt anything.
Eventually, you may have to tell her that this is her new home, but unless you feel forced to, just try to get her to enjoy her new surroundings as much as possible for now. If/when the time comes that you have to tell her she's not going home, you'll just have to weather the storm. Let her know that this is her new home and she is safe and cared for here. I'm sure you don't like to avoid the truth, but you need to remember that she's not cognitively "okay." You are after kindness and compassion and the blunt truth is often hurtful.
If she only had memory issues, you could likely get away with telling her once that this is her home, and then just avoiding it after that. But with her agitation, delusions, etc. this is more difficult. Talk with the social worker and nurses at the home and see what they suggest. This is their specialty and they've gotten to know your mom. If you do tell you mom this is permanent, let them know ahead that she (or you) may need extra help for a time.

I'm so sorry you have this challenge. It's hard. We here on this forum know that. We're with you.
Carol
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Why do you think you have to tell her? With that many symptoms going on, she will not really comprehend nor remember. Just keep making up stories. She is in the safest place she can be and I salute you for having the courage to put her there. Stay strong!
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Everybody says when you are dealing with Alzheimer's it is OK to tell a white lie. So tell her she'll be going home soon. She will forget and then the next time she asks tell her something else. Like the home is having a special vent for her that she will enjoy. They probably will. Just keep putting her off. She will keep forgetting and it should work out OK. I go to a support group and this is what we decided there. We can tell white lies if we have to. Just try to keep her happy that way.
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I would dodge the issue, taking things day by day. There is no need to upset her more than necessary. Her sense of time may be so poor that she is not aware of how long she has been there so saying something to the effect of "we'll see" (the old standby answer that parents use with children when they don't want to come out and say "no") might be the best way to go.
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hysterical sounds like she is in perfect control of the situation. Kudos:)))
I agree with Carol and ferris1, as well.
Someone with all their wits about them in control of her mother with alzheimer's. Pinch me. xoxo
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I can not answer this question, I can only comment, seems like it is the best solution for the actual situation. Agree totally with everybody
My wife has moderate Alz, (Luckily without the frontal lobe complication) and is still, after two weeks, complaining about the weekly sesions of psichotherapy, every time I tell her that is medical recomendation and I show the order. Since she knows the doctor and trust him, avery time accepts. But a couple of times has accused me of inducing it because "she does not have memory poroblems". I believe in acting in this cases. I am afraid that the blunt truth will/may cause angst, and temor. Totally undesirable under this circumstances. Treating her children-like? perhaps, but they are not themselves.
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Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we set out to deceive.....
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I made a essay a few weeks ago, I ask a very good friend of my wife to receive her for a couple of days, she lives in a town about one and a half hours, of course the friend agreed. My wife, (70 and with an Alz moderate confirmed), went and (I knew some few hours after) the first day she was very silent, quiet, sort of somber.(I almost went to pick he up) But the second day she asumed thesituation and decided to be in charge of the garden, and became quite normal, estimulated by the ocupation. So I stay home and wait until the third day to go.
To me this might be an essay of leaving her alone in a strange enviroment, and a study on how she might react in that case, something to always think about with Alz.
Hugs to hysterical
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Gonzalez38, that is very good and safe to have her go to her friend's and work in the garden! Gardening is very therapeutic and rewarding. It gave you a break, too. It sounds like a good thing for both of you, and Blessings to your friend for helping out:) Very nice. xo
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Thank you ChristinaW.
Blessings and hugs
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