Have you been treated like a door mat by family? I want input on family abusing the ones who really care!!!

Yes, I am in a similar situation to yours. I get treated like I am the Cinderella of the family. I am still hoping for a fairy godmother to show up. I think we just have to do what we think is right and try to ignore their behavior, they will never understand since they aren't doing the caregiving. I think sometimes the siblings feel pain when they see their mother's/father's health failing, and since anger is easier to express than pain they lash out at the nearest person, which is the caregiver. It doesn't make it any less heartbreaking, but it helps me to explain their behavior so I don't feel like it is something I have done to deserve it. I don't know why they can't offer a simple "thank you". It is what it is.

I can totally relate to the comments about arrogance & meanness being from jealousy. Also finding out while we are all under stress from caregiving what other family members are really about. Whoever said accusing someone of what one's own true intentions are is mirroring, hit on the head big time. The most selfless ones are the ones that end up coming under fire by the self-ish.

Menohardy, I would tell those people what my dad told me to say when he is gone, "if you can't come to see me when I am alive, then don't come see me when I am dead". I cannot wait to tell certain family members that! I would tell them that you would rather donate the items to deserving kids or other elderly men then allow them to wash their guilt away by taking precious items of your dads. A little retribution may ease the pain you are suffering. That is just me and I am pretty pissed off and resentful. Hugs

Being a care-giver is tough! Sometimes, most of us do feel as if we are doormats, or in my way of saying it, the house ni**er. ( Not racial-an unpaid slave. No offense, please.) Fortunately, my family is supportive. My sister is a great help as she had to take care of her husband before he died--for years. My neice and nephew are very supportive too. They know caregiving is tough because they have done it too. Perhaps your family members have never been in a caregivers situation and couldn't possible appreciate the major stress it is.
As caregiver, I work 24/7/365 with no relief except those times when "it's safe" to leave the house and do my own thing. That doesn't happen very often. I think most family caregivers work these hours and days. It might be beneficial to point out to your family just how much it would cost them as a family to replace you, which usually means three people. Let them know what the running rates are for this. Believe me, you and all caregivers are worth a lot if compensated financially. Point this fact out to them since they could end up footing the bill if you were not around to be the family slave. Additionally, don't take any crap from them; stand up for yourself! Let them know you are one tough cookie and don't mess with you. If they try make them hurt somehow and back them off.

Before my dad passed his brother took charge of my grandparents estate and put them in a nursing home-they sold everything then abandoned the home. We could do nothing as his brother was named managing conservator. After a storm caused a limb to fall thru a bedroom roof mold set in-we had no idea of the damage. My uncle just let the home be torn down and the property auctioned off. Property worth over a million dollars was sold for ten thousand on the court house steps. I only found this out when I took my family to the homestead only to find part of the chimney. I called him only to be hung up on. How can people be so heartless. My grandparents worked all their lives and meant the home and property to be shared by al the family. People-get a copy of your parents will before they are gone or mentally incapacitated. I know it sounds awful to ask your parents or grandparents for a copy of their will but sometimes the one you would least suspect of being a crook just may surprise you. I have clearly given all my children copies of my will in advance.

I have WELCOME written across my forehead, and similar to keepingmyword's situation, I caught my sister trying to shove our mother into a home against her will and conning her into signing over all her money and house, while giving her total control over everything to shove me totally out of the picture...when my mother was too smart for my sister to do that, my sister abandoned her, leaving me as the caregiver while she goes out to party and drink with her 32 year old daughter...she hasn't phoned our mother since Christmas after she staged an aggressive rage at our mother because I spoke up when they insulted me....my "family" is a severely dysfunctional group of mentally ill individuals so I count my blessings have ended up being the only well balanced one in the group

i feel the same way i always loved mom tried to help her from her abuser who she said was her husband of 60 years. Somehow i always became the scapegoat/blacksheep for their problems. I always tried to make them happy buy their love but notthing was ever enough. my brother did give a thought about them ever and he became the golden child. Okay enough with the boy thing then they said well he was sick.

My family is so screwed up and self centered that since they have drained and stolen everything my grandma had already...now they just toss her aside like stinky rag. I (not always having been known for my now honest and caring persona) am the only one stepping up to take 24/7 care for her with no pay, she's broke thanks to my uncle ripping her off for over 24 months of SSI and now I'm having to try and get her benefits reinstated because they cut her off because he refused to become her payee. I cam all the way back to Cali from Tx and my family is so mad that I'm outshining them they are trying to attack me from every angle. My Gosh people if you don't wanna help then for foots sake don't try and take down the only one who is? Yikes family sucks...I won't be hanging out around these parts once my job is done.

I think its really sad when our own family are not supportive. They continue to hurt by their words and everyone says they don't mean that. Well, if they don't mean it they wouldn't have said it. No, they have to own up to their words because they do hurt and continue to hurt. They think the one helping is in it for some good reason. All they want is what they can get from the situation. Selfless love for a loved one is something that comes from inside and is blessed by God. It is very hard to do the best you can and still you get the criticism. I think that each of you caregivers are truly the ones making the difference and even if your own family members can't say it, I'll say it THANK YOU FOR CARING!

I've decided their arrogance and meanness is a form of jealousy. The last 2 years have a a heart breaking eye opener in learning the truth about my two sisters. My dear husband and I have always been there for them as they were going through divorces and other issues that seemed to always crop up..with never a question. We were there with emotional support, money, a room to stay in..whatevery they needed. As now, we were doing the right thing never expecting thanks but certainly never expecting what we have experienced the last 2 years.

My sister's hurtful words ring soundly in my ears everyday... They also think I am taking advantage of my parents. They think I have selfish ambitions as well. I live full time with my parents caring for them. It is painful, but I don't know that there is another solution. :( It breaks my heart that they can't just say "thanks! we appreciate all you have done for them." or SOMETHING! Anything. Funny, my brothers, thought they don't get involved in their care, they appreciate me. My sisters are the ones who resent me and hate me for this. What have I don't but love and care for them???

Family members who did nothing to help now want mementos or gifts they gave my dad 20 -30 years ago returned-rods and reels, just anything and everything. The same people who never helped, never visited, never sent a card of sympathy now calling. Do I give in or just ignore?

We really do learn the truth about our family members thru caregiving & estate settling. I'm the black sheep or sacrificial lamb - and that's ok, because I was doing "the right thing" for my special parents.
My siblings are self-centered & arrogant (they did Not get it from our parents). But, you're right, the "mirror theory" is one way with them, they can't/won't see that some of us caregive out of true LOVE & CARE. And, my sister's hypocrisy for touting attendance of seminars on Caring.
I'll get the last laugh when they find out they are NOT beneficiaries in my Will.

Sometimes I feel I am the only one in my family who can actually "solve" what they feel are problems, They don't consider it as helping our parents, they consider it more as a problem. As a matter of fact, I AM the only one who does help them besides my husband, thank the lord for him! I guess in time those who choose not to help will be bitten by the karma bug. And I cannot wait to see how hard it bites!!
I feel for you, you are not alone by far. At least you care, and will sleep at night peacefully knowing you did right by your parents.

Sometimes I feel like a doormat, but mostly I feel like a sacrificial lamb. Not today, though. Today was a good day. I actually felt human.

Good point ashley1990 I just saw photos on FB of a Mother Dog saving her pups from a house fire and then putting them into the fire truck. Reality!!!! Do you think that dog for one second was worried about herself?

Glad I'm not the only one. I feel like a black sheep and a door mat every day. Nobody cares and nobody will until they're the ones who are sick and they're the ones who are dying.